


Mosaic

by fangirlingfanatic



Category: Glee
Genre: AU, Abusive Relationships, Apartment, Child Abuse, College, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Klaine Friendly, M/M, Mama Carole, NYADA, New York City, Past Relationship(s), Roommates, cuteness, kurtbastian
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-22
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2018-04-22 20:10:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 28
Words: 79,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4848875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirlingfanatic/pseuds/fangirlingfanatic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sebastian Smythe has been stuck in an abusive relationship for so long he's lost his will to get away. But when someone from his past, His Royal Highness Kurt Hummel himself, decides enough is enough and gets him away, will it be too late? Can Kurt fix someone so broken?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic for this fandom so please let me know if something is wrong or off a bit! Thanks and enjoy!

“Sebastian, I swear to God if you don’t shut the fuck up I’m going to kill you,” Danny murmured as he flipped through the channels on their small TV. 

Sebastian hugged his knees to his chest and bit his lip. He hadn’t meant to talk too much. His day had been a great one, and he had really been hoping Danny wanted to hear about it. Apparently, he didn’t, and Sebastian chastised himself for babbling too much.

Danny reached over and tugged at Sebastian’s open shirt collar. “Button that up. No one wants to see your fat covered collarbone.”

Sebastian felt his face heating. He hadn’t been watching what he was eating recently. And while he knew he had gained a few pounds, he still thought of himself as lanky and thin, not fat. He reached down and gripped his stomach, there wasn’t a lot to grab, but there was enough to lightly fold over his jeans.

“When’s dinner?” Danny asked, finally settling on a football game. 

Sebastian shrugged. “I haven’t thought about it yet honestly. It isn’t even five o’clock yet.”

“Well, think about it, I’m getting hungry,” he snapped. 

Sebastian flinched. God, he was the worst fiancé ever. Danny had been working all day and he hadn’t even thought of anything to cook him for dinner. Sebastian felt his eyes begin to burn. Not only was he fat and a horrible fiancé, but now he was a crybaby, too.

He felt something hard crash against his cheek. “Stop crying, you’re being ridiculous. Just go make me some dinner.”

Sebastian wordlessly rose from the couch and headed for the kitchen. His face burned from where he’d been slapped, but it wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t going to bruise.

He made dinner quickly, knowing Danny’s patience was wearing thin quickly. He looked in the little mirror that kept in the hall as the food cooled and saw that his face now had a red welt in the shape of Danny’s hand. It hopefully would go away before tomorrow. He couldn’t imagine the humiliation of trying to explain it to someone who asked. Hopefully, no one would ask. Last time he tried to tell someone about Danny, a close friend back from his days at Dalton who had also made it to NYADA, and they’d outright laughed at him and called him an attention whore. 

He’d never forget the humiliation.

“Is dinner ready?” Danny screamed from the living room. 

“Yes,” Sebastian replied. He set everything up on the table and sat down, waiting for Danny.

His fiancé came into the room, his hands running through his dark hair as he yawned. “I’m starving.”

Sebastian sat silently for a good five minutes while Danny ate before daring to eat some himself.

Danny looked up. “What are you doing?” He looked irritated.

“I’m hungry, too,” Sebastian whispered. 

Danny grabbed his plate and dragged it next to his own. “You can’t eat that. You’ll get even fatter. Go eat something better for you.”

Sebastian felt his stomach clench. He was starving and the pasta smelled fantastic. He placed a hand on his lightly outlined abs. He used to be much more toned. Danny was right.

Danny was always right.

 

It was late at night. At least midnight. Sebastian’s stomach was killing him. It wouldn’t stop rolling and aching. He’d felt nauseous earlier, but he wasn’t sure whether it was because his stomach was so empty, or because he was sick.

Danny rolled over and smirked when he realized Sebastian was still awake.

“Let’s make some love tonight,” he stated before shoving his hands up Sebastian’s shirt and violently pressing his lips to the other boys. 

Sebastian’s stomach was revolting again. He needed to get to the bathroom before he threw up. He tried to pull away, but Danny’s hands were digging into his lower back.

“Stop it,” Danny hissed harshly.

“But-” Sebastian was cut off by Danny pinching his back, hard.

“Just shut up and kiss me,” he went back to groping his boyfriend, his hands finding the waistband of his boxers, when Sebastian felt it.

He finally summoned the strength to rip his face from Danny’s and retched all over the bed.

He coughed a few times, his stomach finally relaxing before Danny swore.

“Shit! What the hell?!” Danny looked down at the vomit covered bed. Luckily none of it had gotten on Danny, but he was still pissed. He shoved Sebastian’s shoulder, hard, slamming it into to the bed frame. He whimpered.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it,” he choked out. He knew it wouldn’t matter, his fiancé was mad, and it was all his fault. He couldn’t hold down his own food.

“Don’t damn lie to me,” Danny crawled out of the bed. “I’m going to use the bathroom. Clean up the sheets and replace them before I get back.”

The scent hit his nose, raw and pungent, and he felt his stomach clench. He couldn’t believe he’d just done that. He pulled himself up and felt his stomach double in on itself. God, he felt horrible.

He shakily pulled himself to his feet before yanking the blankets from the bed and balling them up. He took a few steps before his stomach curled up into a rock, causing him double over in pain. He whimpered. 

“Make the bed, you douche bag! Your little episode is keeping me from sleeping!”

Sebastian would have murmured something about being sorry, but his jaws were locked together to keep him from crying out.

After a few seconds, the pain dulled a bit, just enough for him to quickly stumble over to the washer and start it, the sheets spinning around noisily in the barrel. Danny always despised it when Sebastian had to do laundry at night. He made the bed up again and felt another wave of nausea hit him. He scrambled down the hallway and into the kitchen. He gripped the sides of the sink before retching again. Sebastian could feel his eyes burning. He swatted at them.

“Quit crying,” he whispered to himself. He washed the sink down before sliding to the ground. He knew this would happen, every time he got sick, whether Danny had him induce it or whether he caught a virus, he almost never saw it coming. Some people got telltale cramps, or some sort of notion, Sebastian just skipped nausea and went straight to the throwing up part.

He knew Danny wouldn’t let him get back in bed, so he got up off the kitchen floor and curled up on the couch.

 

“Kurt!” Rachel screamed after him. “Can you believe this? We open tonight!” She clutched his arm and shook it. 

He smiled and rolled his eyes. He knew what today was. Anyone who had any clue of Rachel Berry’s existence knew. “I just can’t wait to have the apartment to myself for hours.”

She rolled her eyes. “I won’t be back to the apartment until really late so don’t stay up.”

“I wasn’t going to anyway. I have work tomorrow and any sleep I can get is worth it.” Rachel patted his arm before running off to her next class. 

He smiled as he watched her push her way between other students, her long brown hair whipping back and forth. He was happy for her. He used to be decently jealous, but now he was just happy she was happy. 

He scanned the crowd for a familiar face. He had a quarter hour until his next class. The only person he spotted that he even knew was Sebastian. He was listening to someone who was chatting animatedly with his fiancé, Danny. Sebastian had apologized once he found out Blaine and Kurt were going to the same school, it was sincere, and Kurt forgave him, but it didn’t mean they had to be buddy-buddy. 

Danny was laughing loudly, his arm around Sebastian’s shoulders. 

Kurt hadn’t noticed before, but now that he was paying attention, he could see the bags underneath Sebastian’s eyes. He had obviously tried to cover them with make-up but Kurt could tell. 

“Hey Kurt,” Blaine came up behind him. He had to stop himself from jumping.

He turned around. “Hey, Blaine.” They had broken up months ago, but they were still best friends. 

Blaine must have noticed him staring Sebastian’s way. “Did you hear what he told Daniel?” Daniel was another fellow gay from their stage combat class. 

Kurt shook his head. “What?”

“He accused Danny of hitting him,” Blaine whispered. Kurt couldn’t help gasping a bit. When he thought of abusive boyfriends, the absolute last name he thought of was Danny’s. He was sweet, funny, and didn’t have a mean bone in his body. He could never imagine him hitting anyone, especially not someone like Sebastian. 

“Why would he even make that up?” Kurt knew Sebastian loved attention but claiming something like this was beneath even him. 

Blaine shrugged and rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. “No clue. The thing is though, Daniel didn’t believe him, but what if he was telling the truth?”

Kurt felt Blaine’s words tug slightly at the back of his mind. What if he wasn’t lying? “Why wouldn’t he just leave him if that was true? Sebastian doesn’t strike me as the kind to just roll over and get hit.”

Blaine looked at Sebastian as he said it. “Because he might be scared to.”

Kurt smiled a little. Blaine always saw the good in people, even people who used to drive them crazy. Kurt looked down. “Do you honestly think he was telling the truth?”

“Honestly, Kurt,” Blaine looked up. “I don’t know whether to believe him or not. I just know I won’t be able to live with myself if he was telling the truth and I did nothing.”

Kurt knew he would feel the same way. Not now, but sometime soon, he would get Sebastian alone and see for himself.

He risked one last look at him before saying goodbye to Blaine and heading to class.


	2. An Unlikely Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which things get worse for Sebastian, until they don't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for all the response over the first entry! You guys are amazing! I'll try to start updated twice a week, so expect new chapters on Mondays and probably Fridays. Thanks again!

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Danny’s fingers wrapped around his neck tighter. “Why are you spreading rumors around the school about me?”

Sebastian could feel his windpipe beginning to collapse. “I’m sorry,” he rasped.

“You’re going to make it up to me,” he released Sebastian and stormed off, slamming the bedroom door in his wake. 

Sebastian fell to his knees and clutched his throat as he wheezed and coughed. Black and white splotches danced before his eyes. He knew he should get up, face fate willingly, but he couldn’t. His knees were made of jelly and his arms couldn’t seem to stop shaking. He felt completely helpless. 

He closed his eyes and caught his breath. God, could he be any more of a screw-up? First, he did almost everything he could incorrectly, especially around Danny, and then he goes and spills Danny’s moment of rage to everyone at school? He was pathetic.

Interrupting his mental rant, suddenly he was being pulled to his feet by a fistful of hair. He winced but bit his lip hard enough that he didn’t cry out.

He was tossed onto the bed and felt as his head collided with the headboard, the loud thud ringing in his ears. He felt the warm body crushing his own before he could even reach up and grip the large bruise forming on the back of his head. A year ago he would’ve never let someone do this to him. He would’ve sworn and shoved and screamed before he would let anyone even consider doing this. But he fought two years ago at Scandals, and it didn’t help him at all. If anything, it just hurt him even more.

He refused to cooperate though, even when Danny gripped his wrists so tight he began to worry they were going to break. He kept begging, knowing trying to pull away would just result in getting beaten until he was too weak to fight anymore, but Danny just smacked him and went back to pleasing himself.

Sebastian felt as his clothing articles were removed and tossed off of the bed along with Danny’s. 

Danny forcefully rolled him onto his stomach before teasing him, making Sebastian’s shoulders shake with sobs, he did not want this. He did not want this. All he wanted was to go to sleep. 

With a quick thrust of Danny’s hips, the pain exploded. He couldn’t help it; he screamed. Danny quickly pulled himself out and clamped his hand roughly over Sebastian’s mouth. “What the hell? Do you want the police to storm in here or something?”

Sebastian shook his head, the tears flowing down his face.

Danny sneered and removed his hand from Sebastian’s face. “Stop being such a baby.”

Sebastian could feel the fear and claustrophobia taking over. Danny had only done this to him twice before, one time when he decided midway he didn’t want to and another time when he was so drunk he only figured it out the morning after. He had never had sex with Danny willingly.

Danny’s body was resting so heavily on Sebastian’s that he was struggling to breathe. Partially because of how much of Danny’s body weighed. His mind was beginning to break down though, his eyes were redrawing the bathroom at Scandals. Suddenly Danny’s hands felt harder and callused, suddenly his weight felt much heavier, but Sebastian couldn’t escape. He was still pressed on his stomach, making kicking out with his legs impossible and his wrists were held down by the bigger hands. He could feel them beginning to bruise with each thrash, could feel the hands of his assaulter just clutching him tighter.

Danny ripped him open without a single warning and Sebastian was completely enveloped by the memory. He started to fight. He screamed and thrashed, trying fruitlessly to pull himself free of Danny. 

“Please, please, don’t! Just leave me alone,” his throat was raw from screaming, his body sore from struggling.

“Just shut the hell up!” Danny growled as he continued. Sebastian could feel the tears running down his face freely, he could feel the tremors working their way up and down his spine. All he wanted was for it to be over, all he wanted was to be left alone.

He just wanted to be alone or loved, truly loved. 

But that is not what he ended up getting. Danny violated him, violently. He gripped handfuls of the sheets and bite his lip hard enough that he drew blood. It hurt so much, God it hurt so much.

Luckily it did not last too long though. Danny decided Sebastian wasn’t worth his time anymore a few minutes later. He just walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower.

Once Sebastian heard the telltale slam of the shower door, he shakily pulled a robe around himself and curled into a ball. He had wasted all of his tears already, but he still sobbed. The insides of his thighs were sticky, he felt disgusting.

But just to make things worse, someone banged on the door. 

“Go get it!” Danny hollered from the bathroom.

Sebastian painfully slipped on some loose fitting underwear, a sweater, and a long pair of sweatpants. He loved the amount of room in the clothes, the air patches barriers between himself and the outside world. 

He fixed his hair in the hall mirror and rubbed at the tear tracks staining his face. Good, now he just looked disheveled and tired.

He looked through the peephole and was more than surprised to see a determined looking Kurt Hummel standing there.

He opened the door lazily, burying his hands in his sweater pocket to keep them from shaking. “What are you doing here, princess?” He asked, trying to keep up his false bravado.

Kurt smirked, most likely about to utter his clever comeback when he seemed to notice Sebastian’s appearance for the first time. He grimaced, “What happened to you? You look like you haven’t slept in days.”

Sebastian motioned for Kurt to back up so he could close the door behind himself and take their conversation into the brightly lit hallway of his apartment complex. “I’m fine. NYADA isn’t made for the frail.”

Kurt shook his head. “Sebastian, you look like you’ve been hit by a truck, not like you’ve had a few late nights.” He readjusted his shoulder bag before looking Sebastian straight in the eyes. “I’m not here to talk about your sleeping habits. Is what you told Daniel true?”

Sebastian tugged at his sleeves as he bit his lip, causing more blood to gush from the gash lining the inside. He couldn’t decide what to say. If he claimed he lied, no one would ever believe him again and then he’d be stuck with Danny for the rest of his life. If he said he wasn’t, and Kurt somehow helped him get away, Danny would still find him. They both went to NYADA, and even though they never shared classes, he’d still see him in the halls. And then Danny would hurt both of them. So he avoided the question altogether, “Why do you care, princess? You don’t even like me.”

Kurt looked almost angry. “We made up months ago. I’m not one to hold a grudge, you should know that better than anyone.” He took a step closer, making Sebastian long to take a step back. Kurt’s soft blue eyes were filled with a determination, one that Sebastian saw the first time he met him. “Don’t you ever assume, even for a second, that I wouldn’t help you. I would never let anyone be abused, Sebastian, including you.”

Sebastian felt his stomach sinking. He wanted to spill it all so badly, just tell Kurt his life story. But he couldn’t, he couldn’t just say all of it. No matter how much he wanted to. He shifted his shoulders and saw Kurt’s eyes widen and clamp his hands over his mouth.

“Oh my God, Sebastian, he did that to you?” Kurt threw his bag against the ground and softly pulled Sebastian’s collar down. 

He felt his cheeks go burgundy. No, Kurt couldn’t find out like this. He tried to push his hands away, but Kurt was insistent. His eyes were hardening, even as a tear ran down his cheek and his fists clenched. “He did this to you, didn’t he?”

Sebastian couldn’t talk. He felt as Kurt softly ran his fingertips along the raised bruising from his fiancé almost strangling him. He could feel his eyes beginning to burn as well. He knew he couldn’t lie, no he wasn’t willing to. “I’m fine.” He swatted at Kurt’s hands but Kurt clung to his collar.

“No, you’re absolutely not. What else did he do to you?” Kurt’s fingers gently reached up and brushed some of his hair back from an older yellow bruise. “Why didn’t you tell someone?”

Sebastian knew it was over, he knew he had no hope of getting away with anything anymore. He felt a tear finally escape his eye. It trickled down his face slowly, before dripping off his cheek and onto Kurt’s sweater. “I did, but who was going to believe me?”

Kurt’s eyes softened even more as he looked up into those sparkling, glassy green orbs. “Me,” Kurt looked him over. “Is there anything else you absolutely need? I can grab the essentials at a drug store along the way.”

“Along the way?” Sebastian hated the way his voice quivered. He wanted to smack himself, yell at himself for being so weak. Danny would be infuriated.

Kurt’s mouth twitched downward a bit. “To my place. You’re going to come live with me. Or I can help you leave New York if that’s what you want. But you aren’t staying here.”

As foolish as it was, Sebastian let himself hope for a moment, just a flicker, that he could actually leave. But suddenly he could hear Danny’s voice ringing in his head. _Why is he helping you? Everyone hates you. But Kurt, Kurt should hate you even more than anyone else._

Kurt softly grabbed his arm, his touch was light but Sebastian still hissed at the contact on his bruises. “Sebastian, we have to leave now. He could come out here any minute.”

Sebastian nodded. He knew Kurt was right. But he couldn’t seem to move. 

The door opened and Sebastian could feel Kurt’s grip tighten at the sight of his abuser. 

Sebastian closed his eyes tight and felt as Kurt softly moved in front of him, his gaze making up for his lack of height. He was only a few inches shorter than Sebastian, but about half a foot shorter than Danny. 

“Put a single finger on him and I swear I’ll call the police.” Kurt’s finger hovered threateningly over the 911 call button. 

Danny frowned convincingly. If Sebastian hadn’t known him so well he would have actually believed that he was confused. “What are you talking about?”

Kurt closed his eyes and shook his head. “God, I can’t believe that I actually believed Daniel! What the hell is wrong with you?”

Danny’s face betrayed nothing, but the way his eyes darken and how tightly his fists were clenched betrayed it all. “Excuse you?”

“You hit him! No, who am I kidding, you abused him!” Kurt pulled down Sebastian’s collar and glared at Danny so stonily Sebastian was surprised Danny hadn’t turned into stone. “What kind of person does this to someone else? What kind of person does this to their fiancé?”

Danny took a step closer and his eyes looked from Sebastian’s to Kurt’s. “I don’t how the hell that happened,”-he feigned concern making Sebastian’s throat constrict- “but I’ve never hurt Sebastian. Even if I did, I would never do it if there wasn’t a reason.”

“What reason could that possibly be?” Kurt was screaming now. “Did he not _do something correctly?_ There is never, ever an excuse to hit someone!”

Danny’s threatening demeanor cracked, and a scarily calm one took over. “Sebastian, let’s go back inside.”

Sebastian could feel his body freeze. His breath caught and he couldn’t see clearly. No, no, Danny was going to kill him now. He knew it. No no no, he couldn’t go back inside. 

Kurt didn’t even twitch. If anything, he stood taller in front of Sebastian. “Leave him alone.”

Danny’s eyes wet even darker, and the beginning of a growl started in the back of his throat. _“Get inside the apartment right now.”_

Sebastian wasn’t even defying anymore, he could not move. 

Until Danny grabbed him by his bicep and began to drag him into the apartment. Kurt tried to pull him free of Danny’s grip but it was no use. Danny easily pushed him off and throwing Sebastian against the wall before tossing him onto the apartment’s dirty carpet, slammed the door in Kurt’s face.

 

“I’m on 19th street and I’m reporting domestic violence. Hurry, I think he’s going to kill him,” Kurt’s voice was cracking despite the fact that he tried to stay cool. He ran a hand through his hair, God, he could hear random noises from the apartment. Shattering, whimpering, Danny’s screaming, and the worst of all, Sebastian’s begging. He had shoved, pulled, kicked and violently turned the doorknob, but nothing worked.

He plugged his ears and paced back and forth, trying to think of a way to help. He decided to call Blaine. Blaine might be able to think of something. 

_“Hello?”_

“Blaine, God, you picked up. I need your help.”

_“Kurt? Are you okay? You’re crying-”_

“Blaine, I’m fine. But I need you to get over here. I’m at Sebastian’s apartment and God, Blaine, you were right. You were so right!”

He could hear him gasp. _“Is he okay?"_ Kurt could hear Blaine scrambling for his stuff. _“Okay, okay, I’m on my way.”_

Blaine hung up before Kurt could say more.

He heard footsteps pounding up the stairs moments later. Before he could fix his appearance even a little, police were pulling their guns out and kicking in the door. They rushed past Kurt in a blur of blue and tan, pistols pointed directly in front of their faces.

He could hear the sound of an ambulance in the near distance and prayed to God he wouldn’t need it as he dared to step into the apartment. 

The tight hallway was clean, with no evidence of anything besides a tiny circle of red along the wall no bigger than a fingerprint. 

The bedroom wasn’t though, blood and something else stained the sheets sporadically from what Kurt could see. He felt a sob bubbling up, but he clamped a hand over his mouth and swallowed it. He ran past the bedroom doorway and into the open kitchen and living room.

Danny’s face was pressed to the carpet in the living room as he was told his rights. The sight in the kitchen was the one that broke Kurt’s heart. 

Weakly propped up against the wall, his legs sprawled as he pulled himself into a sitting position, was Sebastian.

His face was completely re-landscaped. A dark cut ran along the side of his face, blood trailing down his jaw from it. His eye was swollen absolutely shut. His top lip was split and his nose was bleeding. 

Kurt ran over and gently placed his hand on the side of Sebastian’s face that wasn’t cruelly mutilated. Sebastian leaned into the touch and Kurt could feel when a single tear dripped from his swollen eye. “Hey, hey, you’re going to be okay. I’m going to make sure of that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... So? Thoughts? Let me know through comments and kudos! Thanks so much for reading!


	3. Nowhere to Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian gets an offer he never expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm so sorry I didn't update yesterday. Currently on vacation in the Outer Banks and the wifi here is out when the storm is in. And sadly, last night the storm was in. Anyway; the chapters will get longer! I've got them mapped out, and after the first few, they get much, much longer and detailed. Enjoy!

Kurt had decided that waiting rooms had to be even worse than the ER. At least in the ER you could see what was happening, know whether they were okay or not. But the waiting room was just a nice name for a room full of uncertainty and pain.

Kurt kept clasping and unclasping his hands. Blaine's foot was making Thumper seem civilized. They had both been sitting in the waiting room for almost an hour. The doctors wanted to examine  
Sebastian thoroughly for more signs of abuse, and they had both known he didn't want them there for that.

Blaine almost stood up to start pacing again, but Kurt placed his hand over his, stopping him. "Blaine, he's going to be okay."

The other boy shook his head, "I know he should be alright physically, but Kurt, what kind of damage does he have emotionally?"

Kurt could feel the spark of optimism he'd had earlier being crushed. "I don't know. But I'm going to try my best to fix it."

"Where is he going to live? Danny may be in jail, but I bet he doesn't want to return to his old apartment," Blaine whispered the last part. The reason floating between them unspoken: he couldn't return to the apartment because of all the emotional memories, not to mention the blood stains everywhere.

A doctor finally came into the waiting room calling for the "family of Sebastian Smythe." Kurt and Blaine shot up and ran over to him.

"How is he?" Kurt rushed out.

The doctor frowned. "He's conscious, and his injuries aren't fatal, but the extent of the abuse had gone further than we expected."

Blaine swallowed. "What do you mean?"

"He's covered in bruises, but the ones circling his wrists…" The doctor hesitates. "I believe they were caused during one of the violations Sebastian suffered."

Kurt's face drained. "Violations?"

The doctor removed his glasses, his eyes downcast as he ran a hand through his thinning hair. "He was sexually assaulted on multiple occasions. I'm sorry."

Kurt could feel his knees losing their ability to hold him upright. No, this couldn't be real. Danny couldn't have… have…

"When can we see him?" Blaine begged. His hand gently rested under Kurt's arm; it was the only thing keeping him from crumbling to the ground.

"Now, if you are up to it. He's on a few pain medications. They shouldn't affect him too much, but they will make him tired. So don't be surprised if he suddenly falls asleep."

Kurt tried to keep his sneer to himself. He knew how pain meds worked, thank you very much. He wanted to tell the doctor to stop stating the obvious and to just take him to Sebastian.

"How long do you have to keep him?" Blaine asked.

"If he has someone to stay with who will make sure he stays on his medication, I see no reason not to let him leave now. There's nothing more we can do for him. Besides, his emotional health is the one we're worried about."

When neither of them answered, the doctor, who never even announced his name as Kurt now noticed, led them to Sebastian's room.

Sebastian was on the third floor, his room only three doors down from the elevator.

The doctor motioned to the correct door and murmured about giving them "some time alone."

Blaine grabbed Kurt's hand and squeezed it. Kurt clutched back before slowly easing the door open.

Blaine swallowed a gasp once he saw how bad Sebastian looked. His eye was swollen shut, hand shaped bruises circled his neck and wrists, and stitches lined the side of his face. Kurt luckily had already seen most of it, so he wasn't in too much shock, but poor Blaine was gasping.

Kurt walked over to the bed side and gently took Sebastian's hand in his own. Sebastian's eyes were fluttered closed, but Kurt could tell he wasn't asleep yet. Sebastian slowly cracked open his good eye and Kurt smiled as brightly as he could.

"Kurt?" he croaked.

"Hey," he replied. "How's the pain?"

He summoned a smirk. "Not that bad."

It must have been the first smirk Kurt had seen in a year. "The doctor said you didn't have to spend the night, as long as you're up to it, you can come home tonight."

He frowned. "But I can't go home."

"You can stay with me."

Sebastian's good eye widened at this. "Why?"

"Because you have nowhere to go, and I want you to stay with me."

Sebastian's usual cocky self was resurfacing. "Kurt, don't get any ideas."

He rolled his eyes and smirked back. "I see your dirty mind has already returned. That was a quick recovery."

Sebastian's eyes lost a bit of their edge and Kurt was worried he'd already said something wrong. So he decided to be the bearer of good news. "He's locked up now, Sebastian." Sebastian's eyes went wide as he snapped his head in Kurt's direction. He looked relieved and scared at the same time. "He can't hurt you anymore."

Sebastian looked down at his hand that wasn't held tightly in Kurt's.

Blaine cleared his throat and strained himself in an attempt to smile. "Is there anything you need me to get you for the night? I can grab whatever it is and meet you both at Kurt's."

Sebastian shook his head lightly. Kurt tried to keep himself from frowning at how distant he looked. Like he couldn't fully understand what was happening; why Kurt and Blaine were there, why he was, what was wrong.

Kurt thought through Blaine's question and easily came up with some things they would need. "Maybe some clothes, since none of my stuff will fit. Toothbrush and aspirin too."

Sebastian didn't even flinch. Blaine cast a slightly worried look at Kurt before nodding and heading out to grab the requested items.

Kurt rubbed his thumb over the pale skin along the back of the other boy's hand. "Do you want to head out once Blaine gets back?"

Sebastian nodded. "I hate hospitals."

"Alright, do you need help getting dressed?"

Sebastian's face paled. His hand got shaky in Kurt's. "I-I'm fine."

There weren't any clothes for him to wear until Blaine got back, so Kurt just settled for standing by his side when his nurse came in to clear him for release.

But that wasn't why she was there at all. "Mr. Smythe, we know you needed some time, but the sooner we complete the SAFE kit, the sooner you can get out of here."

Kurt didn't know what that meant. But Sebastian did. He grimaced and closed his eyes. "H-how, how long will it take?"

"Depends on how much damage there is sweetie," she frowned, this was the worst part of her job, but the sooner it was over with… "Mr. Hummel, if you would excuse us?"

Kurt reluctantly released Sebastian's hand and walked out, shutting the door softly behind him. What the heck was a SAFE kit?

He decided after sitting in front of the door for a few minutes, (the only thing he could hear being the nurse's murmuring and sporadic grimaces from Sebastian,) that he was going to find out. He walked up to the front desk. "Hi, my name is Kurt Hummel and I'm here visiting a friend of mine."

The receptionist nodded. "Name?"

"Sebastian Smythe."

She frowned before she even searched up his name. "Oh, that poor boy. He was brought in earlier this evening. Are you looking for his room?"

Kurt shook his head. "No, no, I've already been to visit him. But they're performing some kind of test or kit of sorts on him and I was curious as to what it was. I believe the nurse called it a safe kit?"

The receptionist's face morphed from sadness to pity. "Oh, honey, that's just the official name for a rape kit. We just say it like that so it doesn't scare the victim and their families as much. Safe stands for sexual assault forensic evidence. I'm sorry."

Kurt could feel his stomach drop. He offered a fake smile and forced his knees to cooperate until he got back to the chair beside Sebastian's door.

He couldn't believe this was happening. Any of it.

He pulled his knees to his chest, dropped his head, and silently cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I know this one was crazy short. Thanks for reading! Also, thanks to all those who gave this story kudos and comments! You guys are lovely!


	4. Deserved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter; enjoy!

He jerked out of his pity party when he heard Sebastian cry out. The door was closed, and the hospital was bustling with noise, but he could still hear it. He clamped his hands over his ears. He couldn’t listen to this. 

He pulled his phone out and ran to the waiting room. He couldn’t listen to this; it would break the calm demeanor he was trying to maintain. So he settled into one of the softer chairs and called Blaine.

Blaine picked up on the first ring. “Kurt? What is it? Did something happen?”

“No, I just needed to talk to someone.” Kurt could hear the white noise from whatever store Blaine was in. He would gladly trade the hospital background noise for people yelling at each other late at night at the mall. “Needed a distraction for a little while.”

“Why?”

He sighed. “They had to… Sebastian, he, um, has to complete a rape kit.”

Blaine hissed. “I know that the sooner they do them, the better the evidence, but still. I wish they could allow him some time to recover before… you know… doing that to him.”

Kurt nodded and rubbed his temple. “Yeah. It’s going to be a long night.”

“Do you know how much longer they’re going to have to keep him there?”

He shrugged, rolling his shoulders to relieve some of the stress. “Hopefully not too long. I’m guessing they probably need half an hour or so.”

“I’m almost done here, so I should be there in about ten. I tried to get baggier clothes so they wouldn’t irritate his bruising. I hope they’re big enough though, Sebastian’s around a large right?”

Kurt thought about it. “Yeah.”

“Good. Okay, I’ll see you soon.”

Kurt wished he would keep talking, but he didn’t want to harass Blaine. “Alright, bye.”

The phone beeped when Blaine hung up and Kurt wordlessly gripped it tightly with both hands. He tried to think of someone else to call, but everyone else would want to be talking to him for hours, time he didn’t have. He thought about calling Carole and asking about what he should do, she had experience with this kind of stuff, but he decided he would just call her later tonight once Sebastian was settled in.

He waited another ten minutes before walking back to Sebastian’s room. Nurses, doctors, and the families and friends of other patients rushed past him. He felt like an invisible sardine in the hallways. Just one more thing he hated about hospitals.

He almost cried in relief when he saw the nurse who had been treating Sebastian walking out of the room. Good, he could head home. Well, to Kurt’s home at least.

He knocked lightly before opening the door. Sebastian was sitting with his knees pressed to his chest, the sterile white blanket pulled over his bare legs.

“Blaine should be here any minute with your clothes,” he said softly as he sat down on the bed across from Sebastian. He would have said nothing at all, but the way Sebastian’s eyes were unfocused scared him. He did not need to spend too much time in his own head; Kurt knew enough to know that someone who had been through what he had shouldn’t be allowed to spend too much time in the prison of their own mind. “Sebastian?”

He offered a slight nod, but other than that did not react.

He sat there awkwardly for a few minutes, trying to think of something else to say before Blaine rushed in. He had two full bags on one arm.

“Alright, I grabbed all the essentials and a couple outfits. Hopefully, they will fit.” He smiled brightly. Kurt offered a small smile back at Blaine’s attempt to give them a little happiness, but Sebastian still did not look up. “Here.” He pulled out a pair of gray sweatpants, a pack of boxers, a white undershirt, and a sweatshirt. “Do you need any help getting dressed?”

When Sebastian didn’t respond, Kurt gently reached out and touched his arm, causing him to jump. “Sorry. You were scaring us. Ready to get dressed so we can get you out of here?”

He nodded and took the clothes from Blaine before limping into the small adjoined bathroom. 

Blaine turned to Kurt once he heard the lock click and water turn on. “Do you want me to spend the night?”

Kurt shook his head. “No, thanks, but I’ll be fine. Sebastian may have been a total jerk to me when we were in high school, but I have the feeling that’s going to change.” Kurt racked his brain for things they had to do. Medications. “Can you stay in here while I go grab his prescriptions? Hopefully, it won’t take too long for them to fill.”

“I had the nurse call it in so all I have to do is pick it up,” Blaine said with a smile. “It shouldn’t take you too long. I think I can handle Sebastian for ten minutes.”

Sebastian was ready before Kurt returned. Blaine sighed in relief once he saw that everything fit. He handed Sebastian a pair of socks to slip on. “Are your shoes here or do I need to run your apartment real quick?”

Sebastian shook his head. “No, I have some.” He picked them up from beside the other side of the bed. “Thanks though. For the clothes too.” He chuckled lightly. “I don’t deserve it.”

“It was nothing, I’m just glad you’re safe now. No one deserved to go through what you did.”

Sebastian smirked. “Don’t lie to me. I was a slutty douche bag in high school.” His eyes darkened. “I got what was coming for me. I deserved to be punished.”

Blaine could feel rage building in his chest. He knew that thought hadn’t originated in Sebastian’s mind. That was something Danny had said to him, Blaine was sure of it. His hands balled into fists and he breathed through his nose to calm himself. “No one deserves what you have gone through. Especially you.”

Sebastian frowned, turning his back to Blaine as he slipped on his shoes. 

He wanted to feel safe, like this chapter of his life was over. Like everything involving his fiancé ended tonight.

That was the thing though, it wasn’t over. It wasn’t like once he got away from Danny he was going to be completely fine. Danny had screwed him up, even more then he had been, to begin with. 

What scared him though was no matter how hard he was trying to convince himself otherwise, he believed so much of what Danny said. He was lazy, he was useless, he was a whore, he was fat, and he was unlovable. No, he wasn’t all of those things; he is all of those things. 

The door opened and Sebastian stood up. He had to stop thinking so much; it wasn’t helping. He turned around and saw Kurt had returned with his medication and a faint smile. “Ready to get out of here?”

Sebastian nodded eagerly. 

Kurt ushered both of them out before looking at the rumpled hospital bed, the hard plastic chairs beside it, the blandness of the room. 

He hoped he would never have to step foot in a room like this again.

He slammed the door behind him.


	5. Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello internet! After a hiatus like you wouldn't believe, I am back. I have officially moved all of my fandom productions to AO3 (woot woot) and am currently in the process of working on new ideas in new fandoms. I am going to finish out Mosaic simply because it is my longest story to date and that fills me with a form of pride. I will NOT be editing it past basic skims because I like to see my improvement as a writer and I wrote this story back in 2014/2015.
> 
> I'll be posting chapters twice a week. I was thinking Mondays/Thursdays, but that is subject to change!

The ride to Kurt’s apartment was long, but only because Blaine had to keep gently shaking Sebastian awake because of all times to kick in, his pain meds had chosen now.

“Almost there, just two more blocks,” he murmured, glad the traffic was not too bad around the apartments. If there was one thing he missed about Lima, it was the lack of traffic. In Lima, it took a minute or two to go a mile. In NYC, you were lucky if you got there in half an hour.

Luck was on his side. He sped through the last two blocks and even found a parking spot relatively close to the apartment building’s door. 

Kurt glanced at the clock, it was past midnight. He could not believe he wasn’t tired. Maybe the adrenaline was just still running strong.

Blaine grabbed all the bags from the back seat while Kurt clutched the bag of medication and tried to keep Sebastian from falling asleep standing up. “Come on, only five more minutes.”

Sebastian smirked lightly. “Out of context, that sounds like something I would have said in middle school when I wanted to stay up later.”

They made their way to Kurt’s apartment, and Kurt was so glad Rachel wasn’t home. She had no idea any of this was going on, and he was not in the mood to explain it right now. He would call her later along with everyone else he needed to inform of his new roommate.

He unlocked the door and silently thanked whatever was out there that today had been a cleaning day. 

His apartment was small, but neat and homey. He had strategically arranged all of the furniture so that it felt bigger then it was. He dropped the medication on the counter top and got to work right away making up the couch.

After covering it in a thick blanket and tossing a lighter one on top, he pulled a pillow off his bed and checked to make sure Sebastian didn’t need to take any of his meds before he fell asleep. 

Sebastian leaned over the counter while Kurt read through all his medication instructions. Sebastian supposed he could try to help, but his eye that wasn’t swollen shut was so foggy from sleepiness that there was no way he could read the tiny print. He rubbed it and blinked rapidly to try to keep it open. 

“Okay,” Kurt held out two small white pills. “It says to take these every four hours for the pain. The others are just for in the morning.” After handing Sebastian the capsules, Kurt poured him a glass of water and watched him take them.

Wordlessly, Sebastian limped over to the couch and collapsed, not even bothering to cover himself with the blanket Kurt had set out for him.

“Call me if you need me,” Blaine whispered. “Are you going to school tomorrow?”

Kurt shrugged. “No clue.” He dragged his hands over his face. “I’ll let you know.”

“Alright, see you tomorrow.”

“Bye, Blaine.”

He watched as Blaine shut the door softly behind him.

Great, now he had to let Rachel know about their new customer at the Hummel-Berry residence. 

 

“Wait, Kurt, what?!” He cringed as her voice raised several octaves. “I was hoping to throw a cast party tonight.”

“Rachel, I didn’t have any other choice!”

“Why is he there anyway? I thought you hated him.”

“You know what he told Daniel?”

She sounded slightly annoyed. “Yeah, everyone knows about that. It was just attention seeking. I mean, seriously Kurt, have you forgotten who we’re talking about?”

“Rachel, he wasn’t lying.”

She was quiet for a few beats, something he didn’t usually associate with the name Rachel Berry. When she finally did speak, her voice came out a whisper, “How long?”

“Long enough. I haven’t asked, but Rachel, it was awful. I went over earlier to confront him about it, and Danny lost it. I had to call the cops. We just got back from the hospital.”

“Oh my God Kurt!”

“Yeah.”

“How is he?”

“Sleeping. He was a complete wreck earlier. He’s jumpy and distant. I’ve never seen him like this. Even after Karofsky’s suicide attempt.”

“What are you going to do Kurt?”

He walked over to the bathroom and shut himself in. He knew Sebastian was asleep, he could tell by the slow rising and falling of his chest, but he did not want to risk him hearing this. “I don’t know. What can I do?”

“I don’t know either. But Kurt, you’re already doing a lot. I mean you offered to let him live with you until he got back on his feet. That’s more than most would offer.”

“I guess.”

Murmuring echoed from Rachel’s end. “Sorry, I have to do an interview. I’ll call you on my way home, okay?”

“Okay. Bye, Rachel.”

She hung up and Kurt sighed.

He got into his PJs and tried to think of something to do until he could calm down enough to sleep. He didn’t feel like reading a magazine, he couldn’t watch TV since Sebastian was on the couch, and he didn’t have that much school work to do. He didn’t really have any responsibilities until the next morning-

He facepalmed. Crap, he had the early shift tomorrow at work. He would have to beg someone to take his shift for him. He couldn’t leave Sebastian here in the apartment alone for four hours. 

He texted Santana and begged. He hated doing it, but he was desperate. He received a reply instantly. Surprisingly, she said yes without inquiring why. He would have to thank her next time he saw her.

He checked on Sebastian before he went to bed. The poor boy was curled up on the couch, his folded legs making him look smaller. His expression was serene, but his mutilated face prevented him from looking completely peaceful. Kurt threw a blanket over him just in case; his apartment was at the top of the building and despite the fact that heat rises, it always got freezing in there at night.

Kurt let his eyes linger for a little longer on his bruised and bloodied face before just settling for waiting up for Rachel in the kitchen. Under normal circumstances, he would have just fallen asleep; Rachel would keep him up for hours talking about God knows what otherwise. But tonight was a special situation; she was going to have questions.

Unluckily for Kurt, she showed up a good two hours later. 

“Oh my God, Kurt! I told you not to stay up,” Rachel came in, screaming the way only a New Yorker could.

“Rachel!” He motioned for her to dial the volume down from ‘getting a taxi’ to ‘there’s someone sleeping on our couch.’

“Oh, right! Sorry, Funny Girl has got me all crazy!” She sat down at the kitchen table. “So, how long is he staying here?” 

“I don’t know,” Kurt yawned. Yeah, he most definitely regretted waiting up for her.

“Who else knows about this?”

“Blaine.”

She began to fidget, “What did the doctor say?”

Kurt felt a shiver go down his spine. “It’s not good.” She opened her mouth to ask another question, but Kurt could feel himself fading. He could talk to her in the morning. He needed some sleep. “Rachel, it’s been a really long night. Can we please just talk about everything in the morning?”

She nodded hesitantly. “Sure, night Kurt.”

“Night Rachel.”

For the first time since he’d gotten to New York, Kurt skipped his skin regime. He just crawled under the covers and went out like a light.

 

“Kurt, wake up.”

Someone was shaking his shoulder. “Wake up,” they whispered again, this time louder. It was Rachel.

“Rachel, early, too early,” he murmured and rolled over.

“Kurt, it’s Sebastian. I think he’s having a nightmare,” she whispered, her voice making it clear she had no idea what to do.

It took a few seconds for her words to register. Once they computed, he pulled himself to his feet and gently pushed past her. 

Now that some of the fog of sleep had evaporated, he could hear Sebastian whimpering. 

The blankets were balled up at his feet and his forehead was speckled with sweat. Kurt sat on the edge of the couch and hesitantly touched the shaking boy’s arm. “Sebastian, wake up.” He didn’t stir, so Kurt dared to say it louder. “Sebastian, wake up!”

Sebastian’s eyes shot open and he scrambled away from Kurt’s hand with a yelp. He pulled his knees to his chest and rubbed at his eyes. 

“Sebastian-” Kurt whispered, instinctually reaching toward the shivering figure.

“I-I’m… I’m okay,” Sebastian bit his lip to keep from bursting into tears in front of Kurt. He wouldn’t cry. He couldn’t cry. Danny never did. 

Kurt wished there was some way to comfort him, but he didn’t seem like he wanted to be touched. “You’re shaking…”

Sebastian could feel the walls he had tried to build up cracking. He tried to deny what Kurt was saying; he wasn’t scared. 

But he was. He couldn’t think about Danny without convulsing. At the same time though, he couldn’t stop thinking about Danny. The intense brown of his eyes, the sharp build of his face, the firm muscles covering his body, his soft voice, his calloused guitarist hands…

His thoughts drifted to the dark part of his mind. The dark glare of Danny’s eyes when he was mad, the way his face contorted with rage, his muscles straining as he held Sebastian down… his rough voice mocking him… his hard hands landing blows…

The sob bubbled up uncontrollably. He dropped his face to his knees, trying to stop. His hands had been shaking, but now his whole body was. He couldn’t believe he was breaking down like this. Danny would have already hit him by now. His dad probably would have as well. Not only was he weak, but he was a crybaby. 

He felt one of Kurt’s arms wrap around his shoulders. He tensed up and his breath caught in the back of his throat. Kurt was going to hit him, or strangle him-

But he didn’t. His other arm wrapped around Sebastian and he pulled him into a soft embrace. Sebastian let out a breath he wasn’t aware he had been holding, collapsed against Kurt’s shoulder, and sobbed.

“It’s going to be okay, you’re safe now,” Kurt muttered. “He can’t touch you.” Kurt ran his hand up and down Sebastian’s shoulder as he cried. He had never felt someone cry this hard. Sebastian didn’t breath between the strangled sobs; he gasped. His whole body shook in beat with his cries. 

Kurt felt his own eyes beginning to sting. How could you fix someone this broken? Danny had shattered Sebastian. Destroyed his mind, his body. His feeling of safety. His feelings of self-worth. Kurt ran his hand softly through the other boy’s satiny brown locks. It would be hard to reassemble his crumbled spirit, like putting together broken glass.

But Kurt would do it. No matter how hard it was, how long it took. He decided right there and then, he wasn’t going to give up on Sebastian. After all, what did you do with the remains of something beautiful? Especially something made of glass? You made something even more beautiful.

You made a mosaic.


	6. Mirror, Mirror

Sebastian cried himself to sleep. Gradually, he calmed down, and almost an hour later, Kurt noticed he had fallen asleep. Rachel dared to approach them once Sebastian had been quiet for twenty minutes.

“What did he do to him?”

Kurt shook his head. “You don’t want to know.” When she was silent, he realized he might have come off as hostile. “Besides, I don’t know whether it’s my place to tell you.”

Rachel felt her hands beginning to shake at the memory of the breakdown she just witnessed, so she tucked them under her arms. “Kurt, is he going to be okay?”

Kurt wished Rachel would stop talking. He would start crying too otherwise. “I don’t know.”

He glanced down at the delicate face propped up against his shoulder. Warm clouds of breath evaporated against the sliver of bare skin Kurt’s collar exposed as Sebastian breathed. It caused goose bumps to form along his torso. He wanted to go back to his own bed, but he didn’t want to wake Sebastian up.

Rachel walked back into her bedroom, her feet softly padding against the floor. 

About ten minutes later, Kurt slipped out from under Sebastian and re-covered him with the blanket before returning to his own bed.

While he was falling asleep though, he couldn’t stop thinking about him.

 

The next morning, Kurt woke up late. Late by his standards at least, he was usually up and going by seven. It was half past eight. He sat straight up and headed toward the kitchen. His stomach was growling and he needed to check on Sebastian.

Sebastian was sitting on the couch, his eyes gazing over a book he had pulled off of Kurt and Rachel’s tiny bookcase. When he noticed Kurt, he closed the book and set it on the table.

He smirked. “You look like you’ve been electrocuted, princess. Struck by lightning recently?”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “You should see your hair.”

Truthfully, Sebastian’s hair wasn’t sticking up, and Kurt knew he probably looked ridiculous, but he would never admit it.

Kurt padded into the kitchen and pulled a half-empty egg carton out of the refrigerator. “Are eggs okay?”

Sebastian nodded and Kurt placed a pan on a low burner. 

While the pan heated up, Kurt read over all of Sebastian’s medications. “Okay, so you’re supposed to take all three of these in the morning-“

“Already did,” Sebastian stated, stretching as he sat down at the table. Kurt noticed his pained shuffle.

“Do you want to go back to the hospital and get them to prescribe some stronger painkillers?” Kurt could see the necklace of a bruise peeking out from beneath Sebastian’s hoodie and felt a surge of rage explode at the thought that someone had done this. No, not just someone, Danny.

“No.”

Kurt was surprised by how quick and frank his answer was. Sebastian was looking nowhere again, his bright eyes unfocused and his breathing speeding up. There was a backstory there Sebastian wasn’t willing to share. As much as Kurt wanted to know what it was, he refrained from asking. “How many and how do you want them?”

“What?”

“Eggs,” Kurt held up the carton. “How many and how do you want them?”

Sebastian rubbed his eyes and nodded. “Yeah, sure, two scrambled please?”

Kurt nodded and started cracking and whisking. It was delightfully mindless work. It kept his hands and mind busy and off of the lanky boy sitting at his kitchen table. 

He turned around and glimpsed at the mangled stitches trailing from Sebastian’s left cheek all the way to his forehead. He never asked how Danny did it. He knew it was going to scar, tainting Sebastian’s perfect complexion. Well, it ruined his complexion no more than the gigantic bruises. 

Kurt turned back to cooking; if he kept eyeing Sebastian he would burn their food. He flipped the eggs before cranking some salt and pepper over them. The smell made his stomach growl, he hadn’t eaten dinner the night before, and his gut wasn’t about to let him hear the last of it. 

“When’s my interview?”

Kurt raised an eyebrow. “Your what?”

Sebastian clamped his hands under the table to keep them from noticeably shaking. “The one I’ll have to do to testify against Danny.” His voice almost cracked when he whispered his ex-fiancé’s name. 

Kurt’s face softened. “They said they would call me at some point this morning. The phone hasn’t rung has it?”

Sebastian shook his head and ran his hand through his hair, cringing as his fingers brushed his bruised forehead. His usually radiant green eyes were dull and lifeless. Like those of someone who had died. 

Kurt still couldn’t believe this was the same Sebastian who had tormented him and religiously flirted with his old boyfriend. The same smirky meerkat he had detested so strongly back when he was at McKinley. Besides the fact that Kurt hadn’t been able to look at him without curling his lip, Sebastian had always had this defiant spark that made him lively. Now, that spark was nowhere to be seen. 

Sebastian was even thinner than he had been in high school, his skin was ashen and translucent, his eyes were blank, and the only color on his face was the deep purple of bruises and the bags beneath his eyes. His hands also seemed to have developed a severe tremor. Sebastian did a good job trying to hide it, but Kurt had noticed how every time Sebastian was forced to talk about Danny or something similar his hands clasped to muffle some of the shaking. 

Kurt served their breakfast and slid the plates on the table before sitting directly across from Sebastian. 

By the time Kurt had finished his meal, Sebastian hadn’t even tasted his. Kurt served both of them a glass of water, but Sebastian still didn’t even stab the eggs. He just shoved them back and forth across his plate.

“Sebastian, you have to eat something,” Kurt said softly as he cleared his own plate.

“I’m not hungry.”

Kurt shook his head. “At least eat a little bit.”

Sebastian sighed. He was tired, and he felt sick, and the last thing he wanted to do was eat. He drew his hands down over his face. “I’m not hungry Kurt.”

Kurt decided raising his voice wasn’t going to help, so he tried going the opposite direction. “Sebastian, your meds will make you sick if you don’t eat something soon. I’ll make you whatever you want, just try to eat something. Please?”

He knew Kurt was right. If he thought his stomach was rolling right now, it would be pulsing once his pain meds kicked in. He cringed and took a bite of his eggs. They tasted good, Kurt had whipped them and added lots of milk so they were nice and fluffy, but Sebastian still felt sick. 

“What’s wrong?” Kurt asked when he saw Sebastian’s expression. “They don’t taste bad do they?”

Sebastian shook his head and swallowed. He couldn’t decide whether he should keep eating or stop. He decided on the first. 

It turned out to be the right decision. The pain had been from going so long without eating. 

Kurt was washing the pan and dishes. “Do you want first shower?”

Sebastian nodded and wordlessly shut himself in the bathroom.

“Please,” Kurt muttered, “don’t be so chatty.”

 

Sebastian hated mirrors. He always had, ever since he was little, but these last few years his hate for them had skyrocketed. Probably because what he saw always disappointed him, but once he started dating Danny, what Sebastian saw in the mirror started to disappoint his boyfriend too.

_“My God, look at how much weight you gained.”_

_Sebastian bit his lip. “We just spent a week on vacation. I only gained a pound or two, I should be able to lose it as easily as I gained it.” He gripped his stomach, it honestly wasn’t even noticeable. His abs were still visible, and due to his height, the weight was spread so thin you couldn’t even tell. Sebastian didn’t even think he had gained any weight._

__

_“You better.” Danny, of course, looked as perfect as ever. “I don’t want my boyfriend to be a fat whore.”_

__

_“I know, I’ll lose it I promise.”_

Sebastian cranked the water on all the way, peeled off his boxers, and hopped in the shower. He had only glimpsed at himself in the mirror above the sink, but he hadn’t given himself time to look past his torso. He knew his face was awful normally, but with the stitches and bruises, he must look horrendous. Even Kurt couldn’t bear to look at him for too long. He didn’t want to know how bad he looked.

The hot water pelted his body, making him grimace when they hit his bruises.

He liked the pain though. It kept him rooted in reality. 

He washed himself thoroughly, liking the feeling washing gave him. Like he could scrub away some of the evidence of what he had done and what had been done to him. 

Before he knew it though, the water was cold and his body was red from being scrubbed too hard for too long. His face was stinging from the water running across his sewn laceration for so long. 

Kurt banged on the door. “Sebastian? You’ve been in there for almost an hour.”

Sebastian swore under his breath and turned the water off. His teeth started chattering and his shoulders shivered from the sudden absence of the icy water. He grabbed a towel off of the wall and hurried to dry himself off before tying it around his waist. It was too steamy to get dressed in the bathroom; his clothes would stick to him.

He grabbed his clothes and glanced at the God-forsaken mirror, hoping the deep cleansing had washed away some of the disgustingness. But it was so foggy that he could barely make out his silhouette.

Sebastian opened the bathroom door to find Kurt standing directly in front of it, blocking his way out.

“Your lips are blue,” Kurt exclaimed. He placed the back of his hand against Sebastian’s neck. “You’re freez-“

His eyes had finally made it past Sebastian’s neck. His torso was covered in bruises. A giant yellow one directly over the left side of his collarbone. A few little purple ones peppered his stomach. The purple bracelets around his wrists. A large green one along the right side of his ribs. 

His eyes went to his feet and what Kurt could see of his legs. They were sprinkled with bruises too. Kurt knew he was staring, his mouth agape with a hand placed over it lightly, but he couldn’t stop. “Sebastian…” What could he say? I’m sorry? Sebastian didn’t want to hear that.

Another thing also came to his attention now though. Sebastian had always been thin, incredibly lean but muscular. But Kurt could see his ribs. His limbs were smaller around. His collarbone stuck out more prominently. Danny had been starving him.

“I didn’t know, the doctors didn’t tell me…” Kurt felt his breathing speeding up and his jaw clenching. He couldn’t believe no one had noticed. That people had sat around and let Danny do this to him. Someone had to have noticed something at some point. A bruise. A flinch. A look. But no one helped him.

Kurt could not judge though because he didn’t notice either. He had let this happen too. He saw Sebastian almost daily. But he never actually saw Sebastian.

He was just as guilty as everyone else. This was partially his fault as well.

“I’m fine,” Sebastian pushed past Kurt, his bare arm brushing Kurt’s shoulder painfully.

Kurt stood there and watched as he staggered into Kurt’s bedroom to change, the curtain flapping closed behind him.

He went back into the kitchen and scrubbed the dishes, trying to take his mind off of Sebastian’s mauled flesh.

He knew he cried too much, and that crying never helped, but he cranked the facet up to full blast and let the tears cascade down his face. He kept the gasping and sobbing at bay, he couldn’t risk Sebastian hearing him break like this, but the tears wouldn’t stop. 

He dried his hands off and dragged them across his face, smearing the tears. He couldn’t help laughing. He was an emotional mess and he wasn’t even the one who was hurt. He couldn’t even imagine how hard this was for Sebastian. 

Well, he was going to have to find out later. The police had called while Sebastian was in the shower and the interview was scheduled for that afternoon. Sebastian would have to vocally explain everything Danny had done to him in detail. To a complete stranger.

It was going to be a long day.


	7. Interview

“When are they coming?” Sebastian asked, his voice coming out weaker than he wanted it to. He couldn’t believe this was happening. The absolute last thing he wanted to do was talk about how weak he was. About how Danny knew about his weakness. His stomach turned at the very idea of it.

Kurt sent him a sympathetic look. “Half an hour. If you want, I can go out and give you some privacy.”

Sebastian shook his head and began to pick at one of his fingernails. “No. I don’t care.”

Kurt wondered if it didn’t bother him either way, or whether he actually wanted Kurt to stay and just didn’t want to admit it. “Alright. Do you want to eat lunch early?”

Sebastian dropped his head back against the couch. “I don’t want to do this on a full stomach.”

Kurt understood that, but ever since he had seen Sebastian’s starved body… He was just worried that even if Sebastian was hungry, he wouldn’t tell him. Or that he might even skip meals on purpose.

Kurt needed something to do, badly. His was going mad and he had to focus on something other than random conspiracy theories he churned up.

He had never been one to love phone calls, he preferred to talk to people face to face, but this was a case of desperation. He needed to distract himself.

He would have called Rachel, she could babble endlessly for hours on end, but she was rehearsing. Santana wasn’t someone you called without a good reason. Finn was in class, shockingly. His dad was at work. But this was the Friday his stepmother, Carole, had off.

He didn’t usually call her, not unless he couldn’t contact his father or Finn. But she was there, and easy to talk to.

She picked up on the second ring. “Kurt!”

He smiled. “Hi. How are things in Lima?”

“They’re great, sweetie. How’s New York?”

Kurt wandered off to his bedroom, pulling the curtain closed behind him. “Good. Really hectic right now.”

“NYADA keeping you busy?”

He hesitated. “In a way.”

She laughed. “Honey, you know I love talking to you, and I’m so glad you called, but why? Did something big happen?” He couldn’t get his mouth to form the words. “Kurt?”

Kurt shuddered. “It’s a really long story and I just needed to talk to someone.”

“I’ve got time.”

“Well…”

By the time Kurt had finally fully informed her, she was trying to convince him to let her come up for a few days. His dad wasn’t as good with this kind of stuff, and he would need help balancing watching Sebastian and his other duties, such as his job and NYADA. 

“Kurt, you can’t handle it all by yourself. I know you want to, you’re stubborn like your father in that way, but you’re going to wear yourself out. I’ll only stay a few days. Just until he’s mostly physically better.”

Kurt had no idea what to think, or say. He wanted Carole’s help, but he did not know how Sebastian would take it. 

“Alright,” he sighed.

“I’ll let you know once I find a flight. I’ll try for tonight or early tomorrow.”

He smiled. “Thanks, Carole.”

“No problem, honey. But the question is now, do you want to tell your dad or do you want me to?”

Kurt groaned. Yeah, that was going to be fun. Explaining to his father why someone he used to detest was now living in his apartment, downright delightful. “It will sound better coming from me. Thanks though.”

“Stop thanking me for stuff. I’ll see you soon.”

“Bye.” He slipped his phone into his back pocket.

“Who was that?”

He jumped. “God, Sebastian. Don’t sneak up on me like that.” He didn’t understand how he could walk so stealthily. His legs must have been killing him.

Sebastian smirked. “Don’t flatter yourself. I didn’t sneak up on you. You were just so engrossed in your phone call that you didn’t hear me clomping around.”

“Haha,” Kurt muttered.

“Who were you talking to?”

Kurt ran a hand through his hair. “My stepmother. She’s going to stay here for a few days.”

Sebastian crossed his arms and leaned against one of the support beams. “Why?”

Kurt sighed. There was no way to beat around this bush, and he didn’t want to lie. “To help me out.”

“With what?” Sebastian’s eyebrow shot up. Kurt was silent. “Wait, with me? I’m not a toddler. I don’t need a babysitter.”

“Sebastian… You know that’s not-”

“No, I do know that’s what you meant.” He walked off, determined to be prideful and not to grimace, despite the fact that every step sent a wave of pain up his legs. 

Kurt facepalmed. _Yeah, great job there, Hummel. I’m sure that’s exactly what every guy in college wants to hear. That they’re so emotionally unstable that the person their living with needs his stepmom to come help him out. Yeah, not all that flattering._

There weren’t any actual rooms in their apartment to hide out in besides the bathroom so Sebastian locked himself in there for ten minutes or so.

Kurt wanted more than anything to know what was going on inside Sebastian’s head, but he wasn’t going to pry. He just needed to give him some space. 

 

“Mr. Smythe?” the officer inquired.

Sebastian had zoned out again. Kurt touched his shoulder, jerking Sebastian back into reality. They had only asked two questions, and he was already spacing out. “Yes, sorry.”

“When did you meet Danny Morgan?”

Sebastian rubbed the back of his neck. “When I first moved here to New York. He… He worked in a music shop near my old apartment.”

“How long have you known him?”

“A year.”

“When did you two become involved?”

Kurt saw some of the color drain from Sebastian’s complexion. “Our first date was only a few days after we met, but we didn’t start dating for a few weeks.”

“When did he propose to you?”

“Two months ago. I moved in within him around the same time.” Kurt was surprised by how clear Sebastian was. His hands were shaky, and his face ashen, but his voice didn’t waver.

The officer’s hand hadn’t stopped moving the whole time, but he set down his pencil for the next question. “When did he first begin to physically abuse you?”

Sebastian’s hands began to shake so much he had to shove them between his thighs. “A few months after we started dating. We had been arguing and I crossed a line.” He blinked, he was not going to lose it. Not right now. Not here. “He punched me in the face.”

“Did you ever try to end the relationship?”

He couldn’t believe this. He would have to vocally admit to not having been strong enough. It came out barely above a whisper. “No.”

“Why not?”

He could feel Kurt tensing up beside him. Kurt didn’t appear to like how emotionless this law enforcement worker’s approach was. 

_Trust me, Kurt, it’s always better this way. It’s harder when they send you looks of pity and try to offer meaningless words of comfort._

Sebastian crossed his arms and steeled himself to just spill. His voice didn’t want to cooperate though. “I…”

The cop’s eyes seemed to be boring into him. He began to blink furiously as those eyes morphed and changed until they resembled someone else’s. Their hazel became darker and the blankness was filled with hatred.

“No,” he whispered softly, his hands burrowing into his hair. “No, no, no.” He closed his eyes and began to rock back and forth, his head shaking.

“Give him some space,” Kurt snapped and began to rub Sebastian’s back.

The officer sent a firm glare Kurt’s way, one that clearly stated he didn’t like his attitude.

Kurt didn’t give a damn. A badge didn’t suddenly excuse you from being an asshole.

“Do you want to take a break?” Kurt muttered, loud enough that only Sebastian could hear it. “Don’t try to be a hero. If you need a break, just take one.”

Sebastian nodded and subconsciously leaned into Kurt’s shoulder. “Just… Just g-give me a minute.”

The officer’s expression remained monotonous. Kurt didn’t understand how you could witness someone breaking down and not feel anything. Sympathy that they were hurting. Rage towards whoever hurt them. Unsettled by the idea that someone could do this to someone else. 

Sebastian could feel the walls he had set up so carefully crumbling away. Memories were resurfacing. Things he didn’t want to face.

_“I can’t believe this!” Sebastian yelled. “You went out, to dinner with another man, and you honestly think I’m stupid enough to believe it wasn’t a date! I’m not a damn moron!”_

_Danny clenched his fists at his sides and met Sebastian’s icy glare. “He was helping me with a project!”_

_“Project ‘Cheating on my Boyfriend?” Sebastian could feel his eyes burning. “I can’t believe you did this. Danny, we were fine. More than fine. I thought I was in love with you!” Sebastian could feel the anger coming back. “I’m such an idiot! I fell for you! And then you-”_

_At first, he just stood there completely dazed. He reached up and felt the raising bump and blood pooling above his eye. His mouth was opened slightly and he stared at his boyfriend in shock. Danny had hit him. No, not just hit him, punched him. He felt the pain finally hit and he gingerly pressed a clean napkin to it, bringing it down to confirm there was indeed blood there._

_Danny’s eyes were like black holes right then. Sebastian saw a darkness, an anger, he had never seen before in his boyfriend. Danny didn’t apologize, he didn’t look remorseful. His voice was quiet, but the threat was obvious and clear._

_“Never yell at me like that again.”_

_Sebastian tried to retaliate, tried to make it clear that what he did, how he reacted, was not okay. But he was struck silent. His mouth wouldn’t move. He couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that he was dating a man who would hit him. His temple was pulsing._

_“Do you understand?” Danny’s finger pointed at Sebastian’s chest, the sudden movement causing him to step back and hit his lower back on the kitchen counter._

_He nodded._

He brought his hands to his eyes and tried to rub away the images imprinted on his retinas. It was going to be a very long interview. “Alright. I-I’m okay.”

Kurt didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t argue.

“Why didn’t you leave Danny?”

Sebastian’s felt a shiver run down his spine. “I was scared.”

“When was the first time he sexually assaulted you?”

Kurt stiffened and wrapped his arm protectively across Sebastian’s shoulders. 

“I was drunk, we had been together for four months,” he paused and took a shaky breath. “I didn’t want to, but I was too intoxicated to stop him-”

He placed a hand over his mouth to keep from gasping. He could only remember bits and pieces, but the stuff he did remember was horrifying.

_“-no, Danny, I’m not ready!-”_

_“-shut up-”_

_“-please, please, I don’t want this-”_

_“-stop screaming! Someone will hear you-”_

_“-NO!-”_

“Sebastian.” Kurt could see it on his face. He needed to stop and breath. “Okay, we’re taking a break.” Kurt gently pulled him to his feet and steered him towards the bedroom.

“It’s easier to just get it-” The officer started.

“We’re taking a break,” Kurt snapped. Sebastian was barely holding himself up, his whole body shaking from compressing sobs.

He sat him down on the bed and tried to control his building rage. God, he hated that Sebastian had to go through this. He knew that if they were hoping to lock Danny up, to get justice, this was essential, but that didn’t make it any easier.

Sebastian was holding his head in his hands and breathing shakily. His tall, lanky form seemed so small. Like he had begun to fold in on himself and if someone didn’t stop him, he would soon be reduced to nothing.

After a few minutes in silence, Sebastian lifted his head and shuttered. “I need to finish this.” His voice was soft, fragile. Kurt had to remind himself that this Sebastian had once been a cocky, sarcastic, Mr. I-Sleep-With-Anything-That-Has-a-Dick. Now it was like he had been drained of all his self-confidence and happiness and filled again with dark sadness and soul-crushing memories.

The rest of the interview was finished without a meltdown, but it was like Sebastian wasn’t really there. Not that he had been fully there since Kurt rescued him from Danny, but he was less than half there right now. 

The officer finally left, notebook pages filled with notes to prosecute Danny. Sebastian just sat on the couch, his knees to his chest. 

He felt like throwing up; someone knew what he hadn’t stopped. Someone knew everything. He could feel his breakfast in his stomach. Maybe he was just imagining it; it should have been digested by now. But it felt like a chunk of iron was sitting in his gut. It made him nauseous. 

He would vomit, even induce it; anything to lessen the feeling of disgust that was consuming him. But Kurt wouldn’t understand. Kurt would think something was wrong with him, that he had an eating disorder or something similar.

So he just dealt with the pain, the feeling of repulsion, swallowing it down like everything else.


	8. Carole

Carole’s plane came in late that night, almost midnight. 

Sebastian had fallen asleep on Kurt’s floor so Carole could have the couch. Kurt had laid a blanket on the hardwood with a pillow and given Sebastian another blanket to cover himself with. It most certainly wasn’t ideal, but Seb had refused Kurt’s bed.

Sebastian didn’t want lunch and barely ate at dinner. Kurt knew it was unrealistic to try to have him eat after the interview, it had turned Kurt’s stomach as well, but that didn’t change how worried he was about him. 

He had never been more thankful that his stepmother was on her way. She would know just what to say, and do, and when to just let him have his way. 

Kurt glanced around the apartment. Rachel had helped him clean the place up before she too went to bed, and it was in perfect condition. Just how he liked it when someone was about to see it for the first time.

He grabbed his car keys, pulled on a thick coat with gloves tucked in the pockets, and locked the apartment behind him. 

The hallways were completely vacant. It didn’t make much sense. This was New York City, after all, the city that never sleeps. 

It was probably due to the fact that it was a Friday night. Everyone went out on Friday nights. Kurt and Rachel even went out every other week. They were supposed to be going to Manhattan next week, some of their fellow NYADA students had recommended some shops, but now it looked like that wouldn’t be happening. 

Kurt noticed how cold the building was for the first time since he had moved here. If Carole thought Ohio was freezing, she had another thing coming when she arrived in NYC. He drew his jacket around himself tighter and tied the belt around his thin waist. He slipped gloves on and even considered a hat. His hair was too fabulous to be ruined by a hat though.

He stepped out into the cold city air, burned rubber and cigarette smoke filling his lungs. The only thing he missed about Lima besides the lack of traffic; fresh air. Here the air always smelled sour, it’s pungent odor hard to miss.

Everything about New York was distinct. The smell, the sound, the people, the scenery. 

He trudged through the crowded sidewalks toward his car, not surprised to find the traffic was too bad to pull out. He would have to get a taxi.

“Taxi!” He screamed, summoning his inner Rachel Berry to make the demand even more loud and obnoxious than your average New Yorker. It only worked partially, but it was better than usual. A taxi stopped a few seconds later, the driver rolling down the window and murmuring a gruff “Where to?”

“The airport,” he yelled over the blaring radio as he tried not to cringe at the poor condition of the taxi. Just his luck. There were plenty of holes burned into the seats, and the thickness of the stench of smoke was beginning to make his eyes water.

He pulled out his phone and checked for texts. His stepmom had told him to meet her at the baggage claim, and Blaine had asked whether Kurt had been needing any assistance with Sebastian. He decided to call him to pass the time and distract him from the disgustingness he was currently sitting in.

“Kurt! Hi! How are you?”

“I’m good, Blaine. Sorry to call so late, but I guessed you would be up, it being a Friday night and all. Did I miss much in class today?”

“Nah, stage combat was hard, but you’ll catch on quickly.” He was silent for a few beats. “How is he?”

Kurt sighed. “He’s good, all considered.”

“Did he get any sleep last night? I barely did, and I had only witnessed the outcome.”

“He had a nightmare, but as far as I can tell, there was only one. Rachel woke me up for it.”

Blaine chuckled. “How did Rachel react to you bringing… what was it you used to call him?”

Kurt laughed softly. “The smirky little meerkat.”

Blaine struggled to control his laughter. “How did Rachel take you letting the smirky meerkat live in your apartment for a while?”

“As well as expected,” he drew on the fog on the window, “At first she thought I had lost it, but after I explained it, I think she actually felt sorry for him. Believe it or not, under all the psychotic self-absorption, I think Rachel might have a heart.”

“Wow. Why is it so loud? Are you outside?”

Kurt lifted an eyebrow before he remembered he was in a taxi and he hadn’t told Blaine about Carole coming to stay with him to help with Sebastian. “Yeah, I’m in a taxi. My stepmom’s coming for a few days.”

Blaine’s eyes widened. “Why? Did something happen with Sebastian? I told you to call me immediately if you needed help with him…”

Kurt smiled lightly at his ex’s concern. Blaine was too sweet for his own good sometimes. “No, no, you know how moms are. I told her what happened and she instantly came to the conclusion that I needed some help. She’s just going to watch him while I’m in class and at work. Since she’s a nurse, she’s also going to help with Seb’s physical recovery.”

Blaine made a whistling sound. “She’s so sweet, coming all the way from Lima last minute. I love her.”

Kurt laughed. “Me too. If you want to, you could come over tomorrow for dinner.”

“I don’t want to be a bother, you have enough to worry about-”

“Does six work?” Kurt interjected, ignoring Blaine completely. He wasn’t being a bother.

“Absolutely. Are you sure?”

“Of course. I think it would be good for Sebastian to see someone he knows besides me anyway. It’s got to be pretty traumatic to finally escape your abusive fiancé and have to move in with someone you hated in high school. Not exactly the most predictable plot twist in history.”

“Still, you’re doing all you can. I think even Sebastian can appreciate that.”

The airport came into view. “Alright, Blaine, I’m here. See you tomorrow.”

“Bye, Kurt,” Blaine said energetically as Kurt hung up.

They pulled up in one of the many lanes designated for dropping off passengers by the doors. “That will be $37.46,” the cabbie snapped. 

Kurt measured out the cash with a $.54 tip. Since the guy had the personality of a brick and the hospitality of a retired drug addict, he didn’t feel bad about shirking him out of a tip.

Before the cabbie could complain about his lack of gratuity, he got out and slammed the door closed behind him. They were three lanes from the sidewalk, and Kurt weaved through the vehicles before they sped up or a large truck trapped him on the moving road. Not to mention that one of these inconsiderate drivers might run him over just because they decided he was in the way.

He shoved his way through the crowd waiting for taxis or acquaintances to pick them up, trying to avoid the feelings of claustrophobia. 

He made his way through the crowded airport, following the giant hanging signs to the baggage claim where his stepmother was waiting. 

He wondered momentarily what she had told his father about his sudden visit. Maybe she had told him everything about Sebastian. He had no idea how he would feel if that were the case. He had told her he would explain all of it to his father, but at the same time, he wished she had already told him. It was going to be so… awkward to explain. 

He spotted her leaning against a huge navy suitcase, talking to someone on the phone, her back to him.

“… I told you, Kurt’s going to call you later and explain. He wanted to tell you himself.” He could hear the sound of his father’s gruff voice from the other end. “Burt. He’s fine. I’m fine. I’ll call you in the morning. I’ll have Kurt call you in the morning as well.” Kurt tapped her shoulder and she jumped a bit before turning and smiling at him. “Talk to you in the morning, bye.” 

She ended the call before throwing her arms around his neck. “It’s been too long, sweetie!” She pulled back and looked at him, his hands resting on his biceps. “Look at you! Not only do you look even more handsome than before, but you started working out as well!”

He blushed. “Thanks, Carole. You’re as gorgeous as ever!”

She made a dismissive hand gesture and rolled her eyes. “Oh hon’, I’ve gained so much weight since you left. Your father doesn’t eat anything that has healthy levels of sugar or fat.”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “That’s my dad alright.” He took his suitcase from her and began wheeling it across the airport. “How’s his heart?”

She looped her arm through his free one and gave it a squeeze. “He’s fine. So is Finn. How’s Sebastian?”

Kurt tried to word it correctly. “He’s as good as can be expected. He only woke up once last night, which I assume is a good sign, although it might just be because of all the pain meds they have him on. He ate breakfast this morning, but he had an interview with the police before lunch, and skipped lunch and most of dinner.”

She frowned. “Poor baby. I hope coming here isn’t going to just make it worse.”

Kurt shook his head. “No, if anything, it will probably make it better. He could use someone like you. If you could make someone as stubborn as me love you, Sebastian will be nothing.”

“Have you talked to his parents?”

“No,” he felt his mouth go dry. “Honestly, today has been so busy it didn’t cross my mind. Shouldn’t the hospital have called them when he arrived last night?”

She furrowed her eyebrows. “Unless he requested that they didn’t. You said they let you and Blaine back to see him though. They wouldn’t have been able to do that unless he claimed you were family or the doctor was an airhead.”

Kurt was silent. Did Sebastian ask the doctor to let them both back to see him? How had he known Blaine was going to come? “I hadn’t thought about it. I’ll ask in the morning.”

They reached the sidewalk and Kurt retracted the suitcase’s long handle so he could pick it up. There were few things grosser than a New York City sidewalk.

For the second time that day he summoned his inner diva and screamed for a taxi, this time getting one in ten seconds. God, he loved the way things worked in New York.

“Where?” The driver grumbled.

Kurt gave him the address.

Carole looked a little taken aback by the rudeness of the cabbie. Kurt leaned over and whispered in her ear, “Welcome to New York.”

“Tell me about it,” she mumbled. The driver popped the trunk but didn’t make a single move to help them get the luggage.

Kurt opened the taxi door and helped Carole in before shoving her suitcase in the trunk and sliding in himself. 

Once they pulled away from the airport, Carole gasped. “Oh Kurt, look at the lights.” From the road they were on, they could see the skyline of Manhattan. “It’s beautiful.”

Kurt smiled at her excitement over something he saw every morning. Then again, he and Rachel had been the same ways their first week here. After classes started and they got jobs, the charming appearance of the city became unappreciated. Their gazes stopped lingering out windows and focused on things such as their phones or whatever else they happened to be doing.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you,” Carole unconsciously touched his shoulder. “Finn wanted me to say hi and to tell you not to let Rachel drag you into anything too crazy.”

Kurt shook his head and smiled. “Too late. I live with her. Everything she does is crazy.”

They rode the rest of the way to the apartment in a comfortable silence. Kurt couldn’t wait to get home and fall asleep, it had been a long day. God, he was going to have a lot of those, wasn’t he?

Kurt gave the cabbie the same tip he gave the other one, the cents until he reached the next dollar, and hurried to get them up to the apartment before they fell asleep.

“The building’s very quaint,” his stepmother observed, the darkness preventing her from seeing that it was actually just disgusting and run down.

Kurt unlocked the door to his home and ushered her inside, apologizing for the fact that the only bed he could offer her was the couch since Sebastian was sleeping on his floor.

“Oh Kurt, it’s absolutely perfect honey, thank you,” she hugged him last time before kissing him on the cheek. “Now go to bed, it’s late. I’ll be here in the morning. Night!”

“Night,” he whispered back and hurried off to his room.

He quickly changed into his pajamas, careful not to disturb Sebastian. Or step on one of his sprawling limbs. God, how his arms and legs were that long without ingesting Miracle Grow was beyond him.

He glanced down at Sebastian one last time before going to sleep himself. 

His shirt had ridden up, revealing a bruise over his hip bone and the blanket was barely up to his waist. Kurt gently pulled the blanket up to his shoulders. It was freezing in there; just looking at Sebastian was making him cold.

Sebastian whispered in his sleep and moved his arm. Kurt tensed up and waited for him to scream or to start saying names or phrases, but he just sighed and stayed asleep. 

Kurt curled up on his own bed and tried to focus on sleeping, and not the boy sleeping on the floor less than three feet away. Sebastian was a silent sleeper when he wasn’t having nightmares, his breathing light and gentle. It was odd, having someone else in your bedroom and not being able to hear them unless you tried. 

He was used to Blaine, but Blaine’s breathing had always made a soft whistling. Not to mention that they had always been touching while they slept; no space between them. He felt like Sebastian could disappear and he wouldn’t notice.

Kurt rolled back over and looked at Sebastian’s face closely. His eyes fluttered every once in a while, and his chest moved in slow, large motions. His expression was serene, his lips parted slightly as he breathed…

Why was he noticing these things?

He closed his eyes and tried to get some sleep.


	9. Food for Thought

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I'm uploading these chapters, I'm trying to get back into writing FFs. I'm thinking of writing for either The Raven Boys, The Avengers (Superfamily!!!), or The Mortal Instruments. Glee will always hold a special spot in my heart but there are so many new fandoms to explore.
> 
> Thanks to all those reading this who take the time to read both my story and my crappy author's notes!
> 
> Enjoy!

Kurt woke up late. Again. It was eight. Even on the weekends, he didn’t sleep in this late. His inner clock was all screwed up. The sun was already streaming through the cheap maroon curtains and shining in his eyes.

He sat up and rubbed his eyes, not surprised to find that Sebastian was already awake. The only evidence that he had been there the pile of unfolded blankets on top of his pillow. Kurt rolled his eyes; of course, Sebastian couldn’t fold them instead of tossing them in a pile. Sometimes he forgot who he was rooming with. 

Kurt would come back and fold them later. First, he needed to identify the source of the heavenly smells emitting from the kitchen. 

Oh God, it smelled like blueberry pancakes.

He pulled back the measly curtain that separated his room from the main room and was assaulted by the full-on sun in his eyes. He had to blink a few times before he could even make out blurry silhouettes. 

“Morning, Kurt,” Rachel yelled in what counted to her as an inside voice. 

He was surprised she was home; usually, she was already out and about by now. She and Sebastian were seated at the table, while his stepmom flipped pancakes. He was right, they were her amazing blueberry pancakes.

“Morning,” he mumbled back. Rachel was already perky and happy, but Kurt didn’t just have a switch to flip in order to fully wake up like she did. He needed time. And coffee. Lots of coffee.

Sebastian looked decently rested. His bruised and battered face was hard to ignore, his eye still almost swollen shut and the sewn gash from his temple to his cheek gruesome looking. His bruised neck and wrists were green. Kurt didn’t want to think about the rainbow of colors the rest of his body was.

“Did you take your meds yet?” Kurt asked, slipping into the chair across from him, Rachel to his left. 

Sebastian nodded and ran his fingers through his hair, making it stick up even more. “Mrs. Hudson had me take them earlier.”

Kurt was shocked Sebastian had called her Mrs. Hudson. He didn’t know Sebastian had a polite bone in his body. 

Carole laughed, “I already told you, Sebastian, call me Carole. No one calls me Mrs. Hudson.”

His cheeks turned a light pink. “Alright, Carole.”

She turned the stove off and placed the pan in the sink. “So, who’s hungry?” 

Kurt could feel his mouth watering as she placed the platter in the middle of the table. One of the pacts he had made with Rachel when they moved to the Big Apple was that they would be dieting buddies, and he hadn’t had quality carbs in over a month. “Screw dieting, I’m going to eat until I blow up.”

Rachel sent him a slightly condescending look but didn’t say anything.

He rolled his eyes. Little Miss Broadway could judge all she wanted. He had abs and huge biceps. He could eat pancakes if he wanted to.

Sebastian took some first. Kurt was delighted that his appetite had returned. Yesterday had scared him; he had begun to think the reason he didn’t want to eat and his almost skeletal physic was the result of an eating disorder... 

“These smell amazing, Carole,” Sebastian whispered before taking a bite. “Oh my God, they taste even better.”

Kurt refrained from asking whether Sebastian needed some alone time with his breakfast. His stepmother wouldn’t approve. Instead, he served himself some breakfast and began to eat, the food too good for him to bother starting conversation.

“Where did you get the flour and blueberries?” Rachel asked. They didn’t usually have either of those things. They only had whole wheat flour, which it was very clear these were not made from.

“I walked down to the convenience store earlier this morning. I wanted to see the sunrise over the skyline. It was breathtaking,” she laughed. “I know why you all love it here. The views alone….”

“How long are you going to stay?” Rachel asked. Kurt wondered if she was generally interested or whether she just wanted to know how long Hotel Hummel was going to stay in business.

“Just a few days hon’,” Carole offered with a dismissive hand gesture. 

Rachel smiled. “If you would be interested, there are a few showings of Funny Girl tonight. Maybe you could come to one.”

“Absolutely! When are they?”

Kurt tuned out of the conversation and thought through his schedule for the weekend. He had a really late shift that night, Blaine was coming for dinner at six, and on top of that, he had to monitor Sebastian. He was worried; he seemed too okay for someone who had endured what he did.

It wasn’t like Kurt wanted him to be an emotional wreck, but he felt like that’s exactly what Sebastian should be after what he went through. 

What worried Kurt the most though was that he was bottling it up, and without warning, he would explode. Like when he would hold in all the bad things he wanted to say to people at school and take it out on his father at the end of the day. Although on a much larger-

“Would you two like to come?” Carole asked, snapping him off of his train of thought.

Kurt made eye contact with Sebastian. He shrugged casually. Kurt wondered whether he was actually ready to be in a place filled to the brim with rude New Yorkers. Sebastian seemed like he could handle it, but Kurt worried it was just an act. It had been less than two days since Kurt had pulled him from a living hell. “I’ll think about it.” 

“It’s around seven,” Rachel supplied, her hands moving in extravagant hand gestures only she could pull off. “It would be so great if you both could come! Especially since you didn’t come opening night Kurt!”

Sebastian rubbed his neck uncomfortably. Kurt knew she hadn’t done it on purpose, but sometimes Rachel could be so… inconsiderate. Casually bringing up the night an incident that landed him in the hospital went down was not in Sebastian’s best interest.

“Yeah,” Kurt picked at a loose string on his pajama pants. “Blaine’s coming by for dinner at six, and I have a late shift at work, but I’ll try to make it.” Probably not. But he didn’t want to burst her bubble just yet.

“Oh, Blaine’s coming by?” Carole laughed. “I haven’t seen him since you graduated!”

Kurt lifted a side of his mouth and nodded. “Yeah.”

“What time’s your shift, Kurt?” Rachel asked.

“Late. Nine to midnight. I would just ask Santana to take it for me, I’m way too tired to go to work, but I already had her take mine yesterday. She’s going to start accusing me of stuff if I ask again.”

Carole furrowed her eyebrows. “Like what?”

“You don’t want to know,” Kurt and Rachel responded in unison.

“Trust them,” Sebastian murmured.

Carole leaned back. “I’ll take your word on it. So who wants to do the dishes?”

Rachel and Carole went shopping around noon. Rachel loved spending money, and Carole wanted to see some of the monstrous malls littered across the city. 

Kurt was glad; he wanted to give Sebastian some time to breathe. Both of them meant well, and Carole most certainly knew how to act and what to say around him, but he could tell Sebastian could use some time where he could just… relax.

Plus he had needed time to call his father and explain everything. Something he most certainly was not looking forward to.

He unlocked his phone and dialed his number before he could chicken out.

His father picked up on the first ring. “Kurt.”

“Hey, Dad.” He locked himself in the bathroom, something he always did when he wanted some privacy during a phone call. 

“What’s going on?”

He dragged a hand over his face. “It’s a long story.”

“I’ve got time.”

“Do you remember Sebastian Smythe?”

“That kid that stalked Blaine and drove you up the walls?”

“Yep.”

“What about him? Did he pull something? Do I need to come up there?”

“No, no. It’s nothing like that. But I found out about something, something that had to do with him, and now he’s staying here for a little while.”

“What do you mean? He’s staying in New York?”

Kurt sighed. Might as well get it over with. “No. At our apartment.”

“What?! Why? Kurt, what the hell is going on?”

“He didn’t exactly have many people he could stay with, so I offered.”

“Why did he need someone to stay with?”

“And this is where it gets complicated…”

After he explained everything to his dad, who while still clearly a bit doubtful understood what Kurt was doing, supported his decision. He admitted he wasn’t comfortable with the idea of a gay guy with an incredibly notorious history living with his son, but Kurt assured him that with all of the things Sebastian had gone through, he wouldn’t be able to try anything. He was too weak physically, not to mention emotionally.

“Alright. Just promise you’ll call if you need something? And call the police-“

“Dad. He’s limping around the apartment. He won’t try anything. I’ll call you again sometime soon, okay?”

“Alright. Talk to you later kiddo.”

“Bye.”

Kurt hung up and finally left the tiny little bathroom to search for his freakishly tall roommate.

Sebastian was sprawled across the couch, mindlessly watching the news channel.

“How did you sleep?” Kurt knew small talk was most likely not something Sebastian felt like engaging in, but he wanted to drag him out of the prison of his mind every once in a while. He knew from personal experience that there was no danger greater to someone who was emotionally confused or hurt then their own thoughts.

Sebastian pulled his legs to his chest. Kurt noticed this was something he did often. He always did it when something made him uncomfortable. “Well. I woke up a few times, but I fell back asleep pretty quickly.”

“What woke you up?”

Sebastian shrugged. 

“That doesn’t work for me.” Kurt hated to have to be so… rude, but he didn’t want Sebastian to close himself off. Kurt’s dad had let him after his mom died, and it only made things worse. “Was it nightmares?”

Sebastian’s trademarked smirk made its first appearance since they had moved from Lima. “Just some steamy sex dreams is all.”

Kurt had to mask his surprise. He didn’t expect Sebastian’s snarky side to make an appearance. “For real.”

“Seriously, princess,” he jabbed back.

Kurt didn’t know how to respond. Not only was he acting like a dick, but he had brought up Kurt’s old nickname. Kurt tried to remember that Sebastian’s life was hell right now so he wouldn’t retort with something he would regret. 

He wanted to keep pressing, show Sebastian how stubborn he could be, but at the same time, he knew the harder he pressed, the more closed off Sebastian would become. That was the problem; Sebastian was just as stubborn as he was.

After all, it’s what he did. Joke and jab so you can avoid answering questions that hurt. Like jumping over hot coals instead of running through them.

Kurt did it too.

“Do you actually want to go see Rachel’s show? I can text Blaine and ask him to linger so we can conveniently be busy,” Kurt offered. “I have work at nine anyway, so it won’t be too hard.”

Sebastian shrugged again. “Sure. I’m not in the mood for Berry performances anyway.”

Kurt wanted to keep him talking, but he couldn’t think of much to say. He wanted to ask whether Sebastian was planning to attend class on Monday but now didn’t seem like the time. Not to mention all of the bad memories it would most likely resurface. 

Well, there was that one thing he should mention before Sunday…

“So,” Kurt awkwardly rubbed his palms together. “Tomorrow afternoon the hospital scheduled your first session with a psychologist.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “I don’t need a head shrink. I’m fine.”

“Seb-”

“Kurt, I don’t need some forty-something-year-old to assure me that I matter or some load of shit like that,” he snapped. 

Kurt fell back on the couch, his energy draining the longer he argued. “Just… humor me. I swear, the minute you get a clean bill of mental health, I’ll cancel all the proceeding sessions.”

Sebastian groaned in response but didn’t say another word. Kurt could live with that.

“It’s at two.”

“Delightful.”

Kurt gave up. Sebastian obviously didn’t want to be spoken to, and Kurt wasn’t up for the effort.

So he pulled himself into the kitchen and tried to come up with what he was going to make for dinner.

Sebastian had decided to shower before Blaine came over, and Rachel was performing Funny Girl, finally providing Kurt some alone time with his stepmother.

“He’s so much better than I expected,” she said as she sliced through some mushrooms for the chicken marsala she insisted on preparing for dinner. 

Kurt took some of them and tossed them into sauce heating on the stove. “I know. I’m just worried that he’s holding it all in and at some point soon he’ll just… crumble.”

“Kurt, maybe that’s exactly what he’s doing, but all you can do is be there for him when he shatters,” she stopped chopping to look him in the eyes. “You can’t force him to open up.”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I just wish he wouldn’t be so… stubborn.”

Carole laughed. “You sound like your dad when he’s complaining about you.”

“Yeah, I guess it’s kind of ironic.” A small smile tugged at his lips. 

They fell into a silence, the only sounds in the apartment were the noises bubbling up from the stove and the shower running.

“Have you seen how thin he is?” Kurt asked, his voice low.

She nodded. “Did his fiancé do that too?”

“I’m not sure,” Kurt admitted. “I think it could be Danny or he could’ve been doing it to himself. Then again, he’s always been thin.”

“You think he has an eating disorder?”

Kurt bit his lip. “I don’t know. Sometimes he appears to love food, others…”

“An eating disorder is serious.” She put the knife down to give him her full attention. “Honey, if you think he has one-”

“I’m not sure. I might just be incredibly paranoid.”

Carole hadn’t seen anything to suggest Kurt’s idea was correct; the boy ate at breakfast. But if her time as a nurse had taught her anything, it was people with these sorts of problems were amazing at hiding them until they become life-threatening. “I’ll help you keep an eye on him,” she announced finally. “When’s his next scheduled doctor visit?”

“Not until next week. I think it’s Monday or something. It’s just to see whether he’s adapting well and for them to take his stitches out.” Kurt wasn’t looking forward to it. He hated hospitals with every fiber of his being.

“Are you planning on attending school on Monday?”

He nodded. “I already missed yesterday. Besides, if Sebastian’s still not ready for it by the time you leave, Blaine and I only have a class or two together, so I can have him come over and stay with him.”

“Honey, you don’t need to babysit him. Some time alone will probably help.”

Kurt knew she might be right, that smothering him wasn’t healthy, but at the same time, he was worried that if he was allowed time without supervision-

No. He had to quit this. He was not a psychologist; he had no clue what was going through Sebastian’s head.

“You’re probably right.” He didn’t like it, but she had more experience with these situations than he prayed he ever would.

She returned to the task of cooking. “The bigger question though, is when will he go back to school?”

He had no answer. That wasn’t up to him; it all depended on how quickly Sebastian healed himself and how much he let those who wanted to assist him, help him put the broken and chipped pieces of his life back together.

He cringed as ragged coughing emitted from the bathroom. He wondered whether it hurt Sebastian’s bruised sides. He resisted the urge to place a hand against his own ribs; to feel his own lungs expand and deflate.

He didn’t. Instead, he went back to cooking and thought about all of the questions Blaine would have. 

And all the answers Kurt wouldn’t.


	10. Dinner

Sebastian splashed cold water on his face. Blaine would be there any minute and he needed to pull his shit together.

He knew now was not the time for a total breakdown; Kurt would figure out something was up if he turned the sink on. The amount of time he would need would be suspicious, especially to Kurt’s stepmother. He was surprised by how easily she picked up on things.

He tried to drag his hand over his face, but it hurt his jaw and eye, so he settled for rolling his head and shaking his hands as he paced.

“Pull it together, Smythe. You’re fine,” he murmured. 

He didn’t even understand what his problem was. One minute he had been fine, at least as fine as he could be, when suddenly he started thinking about how Danny and he had never had any dinner parties. For no reason; it just happened to cross his mind.

He felt the breakdown coming, the urges to cry, scream, punch things were swelling up in his brain. He had whispered something about using the bathroom before rushing out so no one could sense something was wrong. 

His eyes were burning, but he knew he could keep the tears back. He just needed to compose himself.

He splashed his face with water again and glared at himself in the mirror. He hated what he saw. Ugly bruises and imperfections. Eyes the color of mold. Hair the color of dirt. Ashen skin and awkwardly long limbs. The weight he couldn’t seem to shake no matter how hard he tried.

An ugly used-to-be whore. That’s what he was after all. Someone who let other people use him for their own pleasure and was too weak to refuse and maintain some form of dignity.

Sebastian stood up straight and shook his head a few more times before leaving the bathroom.

He was shocked to open the door to Kurt standing directly in front of it. “You okay?”

He pulled up his mask. “Absolutely. Urinating isn’t a very stressful activity.”

Kurt shook his head. “Don’t lie to me. I know you didn’t use the bathroom; didn’t hear the toilet flush and I don’t find you the type to forget that sort of thing.” He sighed. “Just promise me you’ll let me know if you need a break tonight or something, okay?”

Sebastian was struck silent, something he was beginning to get used to around Kurt. “Fine.”

He could feel blood rushing to his cheeks as he thought over how stupid he was. Kurt had caught him. He wasn’t used to actually trying to keep up appearances. People normally bought whatever excuse he came up with, no matter how pathetic it was.

“It’s five past six, Blaine should be here any minute,” Carole called out as she placed the final platter on the small table. “Will Rachel make it back at all tonight?”

Kurt glanced at Rachel’s calendar beside the refrigerator. “She won’t be back until at least nine. She’s probably going to do something with the cast, so I wouldn’t expect her until midnight.”

“Should I put some food aside for her?”

He shook his head. “She always goes out for dinner afterward.”

“Alright,” Carole said just as someone knocked on the apartment door.

“I’ll get it,” Kurt volunteered just as Sebastian attempted to adjust the sleeves of his green button down. 

Carole had bought it for him while she was shopping with Rachel. She had called Kurt while they were near the department stores, and he had just estimated his size. She also bought him a pair of jeans, which Sebastian was incredibly grateful for so that he could look decent when Blaine came over. 

Kurt hadn’t even thought of that. He would have been mortified if he had to wear sweatpants and a hoodie when they had company. 

When he had told her, Carole had simply laughed at him and joked about the meltdown he would have had had it been him. He tried not to be offended, after all; it was completely true.

He pulled the door open and smiled at the sight of the shorter, curly raven-haired boy before him. “Hey, Blaine.”

“Kurt!” He hugged him before Kurt ushered him in. “Carole!”

“Hey there!” She hugged him and fawned over him the way only your own mother usually did. “Look at you!”

Kurt tuned out as they gushed over each other, Blaine complimenting how great Carole looked while she went on and on over how well Kurt had told her Blaine was doing at NYADA.

Kurt motioned for Carole to help him pretend to be fixing things in the kitchen while Blaine spoke to Sebastian. 

After only a minute, they joined Kurt and Carole in the kitchen. 

Sebastian felt relieved; all Blaine had wanted was to know was how he was sleeping and whether he and Kurt were getting along. Sebastian was actually surprised by how civilized they were around each other. He had started them off on a bad foot when they first met, so it was no wonder they had detested each other. But now… he actually enjoyed Kurt’s company. He’d never tell him that of course because that would be girly and sappy.

Not to mention what had happened the last time he had enjoyed someone’s company. It had turned into a crush, then a date, followed by a boyfriend, to be wrapped up with an abusive fiancé. He didn’t want to admit it to anyone, especially not himself, but he was scared. Scared of being hurt again. Of someone taking advantage of his loyalty. He was a pain in the ass and stubborn as hell, but when he decided he loved you, he never stopped.

He was yanked out of his thoughts by Blaine. “I had some friends take notes during the classes you missed yesterday. I forgot to bring them today, but I can drop them off for you tomorrow if you would like.”

Sebastian nodded. “That would be great, thanks.”

Kurt raised an eyebrow but didn’t say a single thing. Sebastian wasn’t known to say ‘thank you’ or anything even remotely civilized. 

The meal was eaten in silence, but it wasn’t a bad thing. What little bit Sebastian had himself eat to keep up appearances was delicious, which explained the lack of words from the others at the table.

“Not very hungry?” Kurt prompted.

Sebastian scanned his face and couldn’t tell why he was asking. Did he suspect something or did he just assume Sebastian didn’t have a thing for Chicken Marsala?

He took a bite and offered a shadow of a smile. “Sorry, lost in thought.”

“Alright, how about I make some hot chocolate and we catch up?” Carole suggested.

“Perfect!” Blaine piped up. “I’ll help you.”

Blaine and Carole turned their backs on Kurt and Sebastian long enough for Kurt to send him a slightly worried look. “You should eat.”

Sebastian weighed his odds and took two small bites before shoving his plate further away. “Honestly, I’m just not hungry.”

Kurt cleared the table and debated forcing Sebastian to eat something. His act wasn’t fooling him. Kurt could see the way Seb stared at food; he wanted it, he just wouldn’t allow himself to have it.

Carole and Blaine handed everyone their steaming mugs before settling down back at the table.

“So, Kurt and I were going to do it soon at some point anyway, but maybe tomorrow we could go walking through Washington Square Park.” Blaine sipped his drink.

Carole nodded. “I’d love that! I could use some fresh air.”

Kurt figured the air would do everyone some good, especially Sebastian. “Sure. What about around four tomorrow evening?”

“Perfect!” Blaine’s eyes danced with delight. Kurt was glad to see the other boy so happy. 

The rest of the evening went well, the small chat enjoyable and refreshing.

Sebastian became tired and excused himself. He knew going to bed wasn’t an option, so he settled for watching TV.

Once the TV was blaring, Blaine leaned over and sent Kurt a look of concern. “He’s so quiet.”

Kurt nodded. “I know. I can’t… I just can’t believe how different he is sometimes. I’ve only seen a hint of the old Sebastian twice or so, and now… I’m beginning to think that was another one of his masks. Since I never knew him well, I just don’t know what to do.”

Carole rubbed his shoulder and glanced at her watch. “Will you two be okay with him? I promised Rachel I would attend one of her shows tonight.”

Kurt nodded. “Absolutely. Just text me when you’re on your way back so I can make sure to open the apartment door in case Rachel does something afterward.”

She smiled. “It was great to see you, Blaine. See you boys, later.”

Carole decided to go for it and walked up behind Sebastian. She tentatively touched his shoulder and cringed when he flinched. “I’m off to see Rachel’s show. See you in the morning.”

Sebastian offered a vague nod and faint smile, but he didn’t look up into her eyes. She wanted to wrap her arms around his shoulders and try her best to make everything okay in her motherly way, but she knew that wouldn’t work with him. So she smiled back and left.

Kurt turned back to Blaine. “He’s been like this all day. Detached.”

“Maybe it’s the only way he can cope, Kurt,” Blaine suggested, his expression growing dejected. “He’s had to endure something unimaginable for a year; it changes you.”

“Do you think he’ll ever be, well, Sebastian again?”

“I don’t know-”

Suddenly the sound of shattering ceramic filled their ears. They both rushed toward the source of the noise, and Kurt’s stomach flipped.

Sebastian’s face was pale and his eyes red. His shaky hands were convulsing over open air that had once contained a mug of hot chocolate.

Sebastian alone made Kurt’s heart sink to his shoes, but when he saw what was on the TV he immediately understood the boy’s pain.

It was his fiancé, Danny. He looked like he had been crying and was sporting a black eye and broken nose. He was dressed in a pressed baby blue dress shirt and beige dress pants. He was speaking to an interviewer who kept casting him glances of sympathy. That’s when the words finally connected with the imagery.

“… We all admire your bravery over this situation and your honesty.”

Danny sniveled. “Thank you. It’s been hard, but now that I’ve finally decided to speak up, I can say with confidence that my fiancé will be punished for his crimes.”

“How do you think the court is going to react to two people both accusing the other of domestic violence?”

He gave a weak smile at the camera. “I can just hope and pray they’ll pick the correct side.”

The story changed and Kurt finally pulled himself away long enough to look behind him at the blank expression of the true victim.

“Sebastian,” Blaine had a hand on the lanky boy’s shoulder. But it was as if they weren’t there. As if Sebastian was suddenly blind and deaf.

Kurt sat beside him but didn’t dare to touch him. Blaine was much more comforting, much more compassionate. He would do nothing but hinder.

Blaine rubbed his thumb over the top of Sebastian’s shoulder, “Seb?”

Sebastian blinked a few times and dropped his head against his knees. “This can’t be happening.”

Blaine rubbed his back. “Sebastian, he won’t succeed. You have more evi-”

“What if he still wins anyway?” He whispered, “No one will believe the fat, weasel of a whore over Danny! He’s perfect, and I’m-” 

Kurt shut him up. “Sebastian, Danny is so far from perfect it’s sad.” Kurt wasn’t good at this sort of thing, but he was going to try anyway. “You will win. You aren’t fat, you don’t look like a weasel, although I’m still questioning whether you have family relations to a meerkat. And please don't you ever call yourself a whore again.”

Sebastian’s hands were shivering so badly from the heavy emotions that refused to release him that Kurt didn’t stop himself from reaching out and holding onto them.

Blaine’s other arm came around the emotional boy and he began to whisper soothing nothings to calm him down.

Slowly, Sebastian began to relax. He was still trying not to cry, tears welling up, but not falling. His shoulders would shiver every once in a while, started at the base of his spine and working their way up. 

Sebastian couldn’t believe this. Not only was he having one of his too often mental breakdowns but now he was having it in front of Kurt and Blaine. The night he had gotten here had been bad enough. His father would have beaten him senseless if he could see him now, shaking like a leaf in another man’s arms…

His father had never approved of his sexuality. Even though his father’s preference was frowned upon even more than Sebastian’s own. 

Sebastian remembered the first day he had been caught kissing another boy. It had been in 8th grade and it was during one of those stupid middle school basketball games. 

Sebastian had been trying to get his crush to kiss him for months. They were both still in the closet, and by some miracle, they had found each other. It was a classic middle school romance; late night phone calls and holding hands when no one else was looking. Stolen glances and smiles that they believed were only theirs.

Moments between them and them alone.

Sebastian had pretended he needed to use the bathroom, and his crush, Jared, had faked a soda run.

They hadn’t planned for it to actually happen, but the hall was empty, and Sebastian wanted his first kiss so badly…

He hadn’t thought anything though; all he knew is one minute he was reaching out for Jared’s hand and the next he was kissing him. 

It had been perfect. Not too sloppy, but not too talented either. All Sebastian knew was that he was lucky. Too many people would never get such a perfect first kiss.

At least, that was until his dad showed up and began screaming obscenities. Sebastian had remembered whimpering as his father had grabbed his bicep and yanked him out the door, pain lacing through his arm at his father’s vice-like grip.

He had been whipped with the belt 10 times. Because his father said the kiss had gone on for ten seconds. His older brother had laughed at him, watching and saying a “filthy gay whore” deserved the pain. Anyone weak enough to cry during a beating, needed the suffering to make them a man.

He wasn’t a real man though; he was just a scared, skanky homo with relationship issues. And all of it was his own fault.

Sebastian began to shake even harder at the memory. Blaine’s arms wound around him tighter and he leaned his head into Blaine’s warm shoulder, shamelessly seeking comfort. 

Kurt softly stroked Seb’s exposed upper arm and wished more than anything that he had Blaine’s gift of compassion and the ability to soothe. His mother was amazing at it; so was his stepmother. But he had gotten his father’s genes in that department. He wanted to be comforting, he tried, but he always felt like he was doing something wrong. And he usually ended up making things more awkward than anything else. 

“We will win, Bas,” Kurt murmured. “We’re going to lock him up and he will never lay a finger on you again.”

Sebastian opened his eyes and dared to look up at Kurt, his red-rimmed, green orbs searching Kurt’s gray and blue ones. He saw the silent confirmation, and his expression lightened.

He sat up and let out a shaky breath. “I hope you’re right.”

 

By the time Blaine had left, and Sebastian had calmed down, Kurt was beginning to drift off.

Sebastian was watching some vacation paradise reality TV show, and they were both seated on the couch. Kurt had cleaned up the broken ceramic and hot chocolate from earlier, but neither of them let their feet touch the ground anyway. 

He had called into work and explained a bit of his predicament and gotten the next few days off. He couldn’t imagine having to go to work on top of NYADA on Monday.

Sebastian had gotten ready for bed, his hoodie and sweatpants swallowing him whole, and Kurt was still trying to process the events of earlier that day.

So now on top of trauma, minor shock, possible eating disorders and all the other crap life had dumped on Sebastian, they had to worry about whether Danny’s case overruled Sebastian’s.

If Kurt was being completely honest, Danny didn’t have a chance. Sebastian had been hospitalized, completed a rape kit, and he had witnesses of him accusing his fiancé of abuse. Not to mention the sheets in their apartment that had been soaked in blood and semen. Or the blood on the knife Danny used to mangle Sebastian’s face. Or the older bruises and scars proving that the abuse had been going on for a while. 

Sebastian’s stomach growled. He winced; his stomach hurt from hunger, which wasn’t surprising considered he had purged everything he’d eaten that day besides the few bites of dinner Kurt had made him consume. He couldn’t bring himself to eat; he was disgusted with himself already and the food just made him feel worse.

“What do you want?” Kurt stretched and stood up before padding into the kitchen.

“Not hungry,” he mumbled, hoping against hope Kurt wouldn’t press him.

No such luck. “I know you are, so stop giving me that load of bull. I’m not going to force you into eating a feast, but I’m not going to let you do this to yourself.”

“I’m not doing anything to-”

“Yes, you are,” Kurt was struggled to keep his voice even. “I don’t know if you honestly believe you’re fat or whether you think that this is some sort of punishment you deserve, but I’m not going to let you starve yourself.”

Normally Sebastian would start arguing, saying stuff about Kurt fretting over him like he was some self-loathing freshman girl, but arguing with Kurt wouldn’t get him anywhere. Especially when Kurt read his mind. 

“Please, just let-”

“You’re eating something right now. And if you don’t cooperate, I’m telling Carole. She will not let you off easy.”

Sebastian was quiet so Kurt decided to just make him some simple toast. Kurt knew this probably wasn’t a new thing, and he had read somewhere that people who had been starving had extremely sensitive stomachs.

He spread some butter over it and rejoined Sebastian on the couch.

“Here, eat this,” Kurt handed it over to Sebastian who took a small bite hesitantly. “I know it’s not that great or anything, but it’s good for you.”

“Whole wheat?” Sebastian cringed slightly. He was more so joking than anything, and luckily Kurt picked up on that.

“Sorry it isn’t caviar,” Kurt quipped back, a faint smile gracing his face.

They returned to watching the show, neither of them really paying attention. Sebastian finished one piece but didn’t appear to have any intentions of finishing the other. Kurt could live with him just eating one; he still considered it an accomplishment that he got him to eat at all.

Sebastian fell asleep quickly after that, his head propped on the armrest. Kurt switched the TV off and carefully covered Sebastian with a blanket. 

His hair flopped over his forehead and Kurt carefully pushed it back, the serene expression on Seb’s face making Kurt smile.

Gosh, if he wasn’t careful, he might actually start liking Sebastian. 

Kurt smirked. Him? Liking Sebastian?

Yeah right.


	11. Sunday in the Park With Sebastian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas everyone! And a lovely holiday/holidays to those who celebrate something else! (Feel free to share interesting holiday traditions you have in the comments. I love reading things like that!)
> 
> Even though I usually post on Monday, I figured I would post early so both myself and my readers could focus on loved ones tomorrow. And a special shout-out to those whose holiday season is anything less than spectacular: you are valid, you are vital, and you are deeply loved. Try to remember these things when relatives or friends try to make you miserable.
> 
> Anyway, thank you to all of my readers and enjoy the chapter!

Sebastian wasn’t known to be overly patient, or even tolerant for that matter, but he was ready to kick his therapist in the nuts.

He only had ten minutes left in this session, but he wasn’t sure how much more of this he could handle. 

Dr. Hassen had spent the whole time spewing on and on about how Sebastian felt about every freaking thing. He knew that was going to happen, but that didn’t make it any less annoying. Sebastian was known for short answers and this guy didn’t seem to appreciate his curtness.

So on top of the therapist trying to make him discuss his personal life, he wanted him to use lots of words. Yeah, dream on.

They had already attempted to discuss Danny, but after Sebastian’s completely successful avoidance of the subject, they had moved on to a topic he liked even less; his childhood.

“How was your relationship with your parents?”

He shrugged and began picking at the seam along the arm of the overly stuffed chair. “Fine.”

“What was your mother like?”

“Motherly.”

Dr. Hassen frowned. “And your father?”

“Fucking fatherly.”

Dr. Hassen placed his notepad on his lap. “Sebastian, these sessions have no purpose if you don’t actually talk to me.”

“So what am I doing right now?”

“Avoiding things that make you uncomfortable.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. He didn’t have time for this drama. “Alright, you want the truth, doc? My mother is a doormat and my father is a homophobic asshole.”

“And now we’re getting somewhere. How did your father act out his homophobia?”

Sebastian’s stomach tightened. He wouldn’t share too much, just enough. “He would embarrass me every chance he got.” _And hit me. But it was with a belt, so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been._

“How?”

Sebastian shrugged. “Call me a fag. Yell at me around the family and friends. The usual. One time he even had a pastor pray for me for like an hour in the middle of a church sermon.”

“How did that make you feel?”

“Like a freaking unicorn,” he snapped. “How do you think?”

“Like you were worthless. Like no matter what you did, how smart you were, how many things you accomplished, you would never be good enough all because of your sexual orientation.”

Sebastian was taken aback. The past guidance counselors and therapists he had seen didn’t usually say stuff like that. They never… well, read your mind. He realized he was staring and pulled his mask back on. “Yeah, whatever. It just made me hate him. I know I’m amazing. Ask anyone.”

“Sometimes narcissism is just a cover-up for low self-esteem.”

“Not in my case.”

“Sebastian, despite what society tells you, low self-esteem is common in men-”

“That’s great. But as I said earlier, I’m fine. I love myself.”

“Sebastian, we both know-”

 _“No, we don’t!”_ Alright, he was going to lose it. “You don’t know anything! No one does! I know everything about me and I don’t need some sappy middle age loser to tell me what to do, how I was treated, or who _the freaking hell I am!”_

Dr. Hassen just stared at him. At first, Sebastian believed he had shocked the man into silence, but Dr. Hassen was just waiting for him to finish. 

A few minutes later, after they had eyed each other as Sebastian cooled down, Dr. Hassen glanced at his watch and smiled lightly. “Our time is about up, but I think we’re off to a good start.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Sure. Whatever.”

“I have one last question for you before you leave.”

Sebastian flopped back in the chair. “What?”

“Who do you think you are?”

“Excuse me?”

“You told me that only you knew who you were,” Dr. Hassen leaned forward and looked Sebastian in the eyes. Sebastian didn’t usually have problems with eye contact, but he could feel the doctor’s eyes burning into his forehead and he couldn’t bring himself to look up. “So tell me then, who are you?”

Sebastian snorted. “I’m an incredibly attractive arrogant dick with bad taste in men. I’d say that about sums me up.”

Sebastian got up and started walking out before Dr. Hassen could nail him with a look and give him some sort of speech.

“See you in a few days, Sebastian.”

Sebastian just slammed the door and trudged into the waiting room. His energetic departure hurt his battered body. Not to mention his stomach had developed a pulse. Nausea seemed to be gaining normalcy recently.

Kurt glanced up from the magazine he had been engrossed in and took in Sebastian’s disconcerted look. He opened his mouth to say something, but decided against it and just motioned his head in the direction of the door.

Sebastian didn’t even wait for Kurt; he just walked as swiftly as he could and barely registered what he was doing until he was sitting in the front seat of Kurt’s car, his hands tucked under his arms to lessen their tremors.

Kurt got in and shut the door softly. “You’re next session is on Tuesday.”

“Peachy.”

Kurt buckled his seatbelt and started the car. “You probably don’t want to, but if you want to talk about it…”

“About what princess?”

Kurt sighed. “Why you came out of there looking like you were about to have a mental breakdown.”

Sebastian bit back a snide remark. “I’m fine. I just wish people would leave me the _hell alone.”_

Kurt felt like banging his head on the steering wheel. Gaga, there needed to be a freaking manual on how to deal with Sebastian Smythe. 

Kurt knew Seb wouldn’t talk about it. Hell, he wouldn’t talk about it if it had been him. But he just wanted some way to make Sebastian feel safe. To assure him that Danny was never going to touch him again.

He noticed that Seb’s hands were shaking. Kurt swallowed back the emotions bubbling up. Sometimes he had to remind himself that someone could hurt Sebastian Smythe enough that just the thought of them made his hands convulse.

Without thinking, Kurt reached over and gently placed his hand over Sebastian’s. Sebastian jumped pitifully but didn’t pull his hand back. They hit a spotlight and Kurt dared to glance at the shaking boy beside him.

Sebastian’s face was turned to the window so Kurt couldn’t see his expression, but he wasn’t so sure he wanted to. Kurt had a feeling if he could see those emotional green eyes that he would lose it himself.

God, he was such a freaking dramatic crybaby.

“If you don’t feel up to it, I can call Blaine and reschedule our park excursion this afternoon-”

“I’m fine,” Sebastian whispered.

 _Obviously,_ Kurt deducted. _You sound like if a feather landed in the right way, you’d shatter into a million pieces._

Sebastian’s stomach started making noise and Kurt thought it was worth a shot. “Why don’t we grab something to eat on the way home?”

Sebastian shook his head. “Not hungry.”

Kurt tried insistency. His hand had been resting over the taller boy’s, but he pulled it away to gesture dramatically. “No, seriously, there’s this really good bakery Blaine showed me…”

Sebastian murmured, “I don’t want anything.”

Kurt knew he had skipped breakfast completely, not to mention the few meager bites Carole had managed to coax him into eating earlier that day. He was beginning to genuinely worry. “Please, Seb, you’re not eating and it’s scaring me.”

“Please, Kurt,” he still couldn’t make out his expression but he sounded like he was about to break down. “I’m just… not hungry, okay?”

Kurt wanted to stop the car and grabbed Sebastian’s face between his hands and list all of the extensive reasons as to why it was not okay, but he realized of all the times to force him into something after his counseling session was probably the worst time he could pick. “Okay.”

Once they finally got back to the apartment, Sebastian sat on his makeshift bed in Kurt’s bedroom for some alone time while Kurt talked to Carole in the kitchen.

“He’s scaring me,” Kurt whispered, careful to keep his voice low enough to remain undetected to Sebastian, just in case he was listening. “He hasn’t been eating. He woke up a couple times last night, although I’m not sure whether he had nightmares again or was just sleepless. Not to even mention how… fragile he’s gotten.”

“Kurt, you have to calm down. He needs to start eating, but the other stuff is expected.”

“I know, I just… I’m doing everything I can, and sometimes-” He swatted at his eyes. He was sure as hell not going to start crying. “I just don’t know what to do.”

“Just be there.”

“I’m not even sure that he wants me there.”

She laughs. “You and your father… what am I going to do with you too? Honey, if he didn’t want you there, he would’ve told you. Sebastian has the least amount of self-restraint when it comes to his words that I’ve ever witnessed.”

It was true. “Fine. Speaking of the meerkat, he has a check-up scheduled for tomorrow morning, but I’m going to see if I can push it back or change it to later tonight. They just want to check on his bruises and stitches.”

She nodded. “Alright. I’m going to go put on some warmer clothes. Blaine should be here any minute.”

“I’ll go tell Seb,” Kurt pulled his own coat off of the wall and realized he would probably need to get Seb one at some point soon. His sweatshirts wouldn’t keep him warm in this weather. 

He glanced at his watch. Blaine would be there in fifteen. He could pull an impromptu trip to one of the shops near the park and meet Carole and Blaine there.

Once he thought of it, there was no way he wasn’t going through with the idea. He loved shopping anyway, but this was a genuine reason for it. Plus Seb could probably use some gloves too…

“Sebastian!”

The lanky boy poked his head through the curtain separating Kurt’s bedroom from the general area.

“We’re going shopping.” Sebastian opened his mouth in a combination of shock and protest but Kurt hushed him with a raising of his hand. “No arguing. You need a winter jacket and I’m not going to let you freeze.”

Sebastian’s face turned red. “I’m fine.”

Kurt was taken aback by his reaction. Almost like he was embarrassed over being shopped for. “’Bas, I’m not going to let you walk around Washington Square Park in a hoodie. Come on, I promise we’ll be quick. If we take longer than fifteen minutes. Carole and Blaine will come and rescue you.”

“Do I have to?” Sebastian grimaced at the idea of letting Princess shop for him. He’d probably come out looking like a cross-dressing Lady Gaga.

Kurt just glared and Sebastian rolled his eyes and pulled a sweater on over his button down. 

“I’ll text you from whatever store we stop by,” Kurt murmured as he motioned Seb out the door. “See you, Carole.”

She nodded but Kurt could tell her mind was also on Sebastian’s sudden attitude change.

He grabbed a taxi and tried to ignore the awkward silence. Sebastian was sitting up straight, his hands rubbing up and down his arms.

“Are you cold?” Kurt could tell the cab was chilly, but he didn’t consider how cold it was for Sebastian.

He shook his head. “I think I’m allergic to your laundry detergent.” He was scratching almost pitifully.

“Are you sure?”

“I didn’t start itching until I put on this sweater that Carole washed for me.”

“You mean to tell me you didn’t wash your other clothes after you bought them?” Kurt couldn’t imagine wearing clothes after you bought them. Strangers could have tried them on… Hygiene-phobic strangers…

Seb was trying to itch the middle of his back but even his long arms couldn’t get to it. 

“Here,” Kurt didn’t even think twice before softly scratching over Sebastian’s back. He felt his muscles tighten up in surprise before he relaxed into the touch.

“Thanks,” he whispered, his voice barely audible. 

Kurt offered a smile and tried not to cringe at how he could feel Sebastian’s protruding spine beneath his fingertips, his fingernails softly scraping over the ridges. He could feel the warmth of Sebastian’s back through the thin shirt and sweater; the rise and fall of his lungs as he breathed.

Kurt didn’t stop until they reached the stretch of shops by the park. Sebastian didn’t complain and if anything, seemed to have enjoyed the distraction from his skin’s irritation.

As soon as they got out of the vehicle, Sebastian began shivering. Kurt couldn’t tell whether it was from the cold or the social setting, but he hurriedly pulled Sebastian toward one of his favorite shops.

It was small and quaint; modestly small and owned by a French family. Kurt had to remind himself to focus on Sebastian and not look at anything that might further drain his limited finances. 

“Alright, let’s get you a coat and a pair of gloves,” Kurt looked Sebastian over and tried to think over which kind of coat would flatter Seb’s build and appearance. 

“Can I help you?” One of the daughters walked over and asked. Kurt had seen her at the shop before, but only once or twice.

“Absolutely.” Kurt quickly explained his situation and was grateful to be in the one store where the staff was close to as knowledgeable about fashion as he was himself.

She rushed to the back of the store and returned with an armful of jackets for the taller boy to try on.

Kurt already knew which one would look the best, but he let Sebastian try all of them on anyway. The last one, a slimming black coat with a thick layer of black wool was perfect. Kurt restrained from gushing over it, not wanting to draw any more attention to Sebastian. His face was already reddening.

Kurt was surprised at how little he enjoyed the spotlight. Sebastian used to be someone who would do anything for attention. Now it seemed as though he avoided it like the plague. 

Sebastian dared to glance up at himself in the mirror momentarily. He hated mirrors, but he did want to make sure this high fashion whatever store Kurt dragged him into didn’t dress him like a clown. He only let his eyes drift to his torso, and was pleasantly surprised. He didn’t look ridiculous.

“This one is perfect!” Kurt looked up at Sebastian hopefully. Sebastian offered a slight smile and nod. “We’ll take it! I also need a pair of gloves…”

Kurt and the girl walked off to where the gloves were while Sebastian slipped out of the jacket.

“I hate to be incredibly nosy, but what happened to him?” The girl asked, her expression subtle and voice low.

Kurt knew it was inevitable, Sebastian’s swollen eye and jaw had turned a rotten hue of purple and he still had stitches lining the side of his face. Kurt would’ve been curious. “An accident.”

“Ouch,” she cringed. “Alright, here are all the gloves we have in stock. Some of them aren’t that high end or attractive-”

“That most certainly will not be a problem,” Kurt said as Sebastian joined them, the jacket folded under his arm. “He’s not the fashion appreciating type.”

She smiled. “Not everyone is. I can ring that up for you real quick while you pick out gloves so you can put it on. It’s freezing out there.”

Sebastian handed it to her and she ran off to the register.

“I’m guessing you would be about a large. Since every other part of you is freakishly huge, I have the feeling your hands are no exception…”

Sebastian decided against making a joke about his genitals. “Not everyone can be small and dainty like you Princess.”

“Ah, the meerkat speaks,” Kurt smirked. “And who are you calling small? I’m only a few inches shorter than you.”

He chuckled. “Why don’t you get the white silk ones?” He motioned with his head. “They’re perfect for your coronation.”

Kurt smacked him lightly on the arm. “You are aware you are probably the biggest pain to shop with ever, right?”

He nodded with a smile. 

“Then start trying on gloves so we can go meet Blaine and Carole.”

Sebastian easily picked out a thick leather pair and dragged Kurt away before he could try to buy something for himself.

Once they left the store, Sebastian was happy to realize that the gloves and coat actually did keep him warm. He hadn’t had a coat that did that in forever. It was wonderful.

They crossed the street and walked into the park, the air instantly clearing so that the smell of burnt rubber, gasoline, and other delightful city odors weren’t so overpowering. 

They sat down on a bench as Kurt checked his phone for any texts from Blaine or Carole.

Carole said they would be a little late, an accident had clogged up the road.

The park was surprisingly empty, so Kurt took advantage of the seclusion and quiet to ask something that had been clawing at the back of his mind. “Hey, ‘Bas?”

“Hmm?”

“When you were in the hospital, why did they let Blaine and I see you? We’re not family.”

He could feel the blood rushing to his face. “Most of my family is in France so I just lied and said you both were cousins.”

“What about your parents?”

All the blood seemed to change its destination and he paled. “We aren’t exactly… close. The last thing I wanted was for them to find out about this.”

Kurt could tell there was way more to this then they weren’t close. “Why? It’s not like you asked for Danny to do what he did.”

“They would’ve said I did.”

Kurt could feel a theory forming. “They don’t approve of you, do they?”

He laughed softly and rubbed his hands over the back of his neck. This was the last thing he wanted to talk about right now. “If by me, you mean my preference of dick over vagina, yeah.”

“So what do you do during the holidays then?”

He shrugged. “We just stayed in the apartment.”

“Do you have any siblings?”

He wished Kurt would stop. His hands were beginning to shake and he could feel his thoughts rushing around inside his skull like a caffeinated chipmunk. “An older brother. We aren’t close either.”

They sat in silence until Blaine and Carole arrived, the wind rushing along the trees and the buildings surrounding them. 

Kurt knew there was nothing he could do. He couldn’t just snap his fingers and make everything better. But dear God how he wanted to. 

The quartet held friendly chit-chat and weaved among the trees and concrete pathways, the recent problems melting away for a few seconds at a time.

Sebastian knew what was happening. He was enjoying himself. Something he hadn’t been able to do for so long. Danny always tearing anything that made him happy from his life. 

Kurt’s nose was turning bright red from the cold kissing it and Sebastian felt his smile getting just a little bit bigger. 

A jogger shoved past them and in their rush, almost knocked both of them to the ground before shouting out a word Sebastian didn’t ever want to hear again.

The word his dad would scream in his ear went he was beating him, during the wee hours of the morning as the belt rained down mercilessly on his back. The word his brother would whisper in scorn whenever he’d see him in public. The word that made his mom flinch as though she had been slapped.

The word that had driven him to what he had been in high school and what he was now.

_“-Goddammit son! Do you always have to be such a fucking fag-”_

“No.”

_“-You know why dad hates you, Sebastian? Because you’re a fag-”_

“No!”

“Seb? What is it?” He could feel a gloved hand caressing his bicep and gently leading him to a bench.

_“-If you weren’t always acting like a fag, I wouldn’t have to hurt you-”_

“I’m sorry! Please, please,” He dug the heels of his palms into his eye sockets and could feel his tear ducts leaking. This wasn’t the place for a breakdown. What was wrong with him?

“’Bas, look at me,” Kurt placed his hand beneath the lanky boy’s chin and lifted it so they were looking eye to eye. Pieces of his heart were breaking away a chip at a time, the dejected look coating Seb’s face making it hard for him to keep himself together. “What is it?”

He wiped at his eyes and tried to look down again, but Kurt’s hand wouldn’t move. “Nothing, nothing. I’m fine.”

“Do you want to go home?”

Sebastian shook his head ferociously. “No, no. I just- I just need a minute.”

Kurt looked over at his stepmother and his ex-boyfriend. “We’ll catch up.”

Blaine nodded in understanding and Carole offered him a sad smile.

Kurt took both of Sebastian’s trembling hands in his own and felt Sebastian tense up before relaxing. “What’s wrong?”

He blinked a few times. “What that jogger said-”

Kurt’s face softened. “You know it’s not true, right? Whoever called you it, they were just spewing bullshit.”

He swallowed. “I can’t believe I’m breaking down like this in a park.”

“We don’t have to stay-”

“That’s the problem.” Sebastian’s voice was so low Kurt had to strain to hear him. “I don’t want to go back to the apartment. I want to be able to go for a walk in a park in New York without having a breakdown because some homophobic asshole calls me a name. I want to be normal again Kurt, and I don’t know how.”

Kurt pulled the taller boy against him and felt as Sebastian’s body shook. He rubbed his hands over his jutting shoulder blades and pressed his cheek against his hair. “And you’ll be able to do that one day. But ‘Bas, you need to give yourself time to heal. To recover from what he did to you. And I promise you, screw that, I swear to you. I will be there for you every freaking step of the way.”

Sebastian knew Kurt couldn’t see his face, but he smiled at that.

Life certainly wasn’t playing out the way he had imagined it would. His childhood, all those nights at Scandals, Danny, and all the other shit life had chucked at him. Uncertainty was most certainly not his favorite thing about life. 

Actually, maybe it wasn’t that bad. Sure, surprises had almost always been bad for him, but he did get one good wildcard: the boy holding him right now. He knew that he had thought the same thing when he had been held in the arms of his future abuser but he knew this time was different. Kurt would never hurt him. And despite his notorious ways, he knew he would never hurt Kurt. 

He felt a happy tear, one of bliss, fall down his nose and onto Kurt’s shoulder. He could actually do this. He could shove Danny behind him and find someone to love him. 

And maybe. Just maybe, he could be loved by someone like Princess.


	12. Back to School

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!! I love the final day of a year, and all the reflection it prompts. I wish all of you the best 2018 has to offer and thank all of those who encouraged me as a writer via this story or any other. My inner artist thanks you. :)
> 
> Enjoy both the chapter and the New Year!

After his breakdown at Washington Square Park, he had been fine the rest of the day. They had walked until they couldn’t take the frigid air anymore, noses and cheeks bright pink.

As seemed to still be a habit from high school, Kurt and Blaine both voted to go get coffee from a shop around the corner. Sebastian remembered the endless hours they had spent at the Lima Bean, Sebastian occasionally stealing Blaine for a few minutes or on the rare occasions when Kurt wasn’t there.

The heat of the overfilled coffee shop was incredibly welcome. Sebastian was willing to beat down his building panic over the excessive amount of people in such close quarters; anything to get out of the freezing weather.

“Do you want anything?” Kurt asked as their turn to order finally arrived.

Sebastian shrugged. “A small coffee, please?”

Kurt nodded and placed the order, the overly perky, and overly gay, cashier ringing it up quickly before ushering them away from the counter so he could take Blaine’s order since both Blaine and Carole demanded to pay for their own drinks.

“Seb, can you grab us a table while I wait for the drinks?”

He nodded and scanned the shop before spotting a table nestled in the corner and making a beeline for it. It was like a private island; the noise died down a little and the rest of the crowd just not quite reaching its perimeter.

He tucked himself into the furthest seat, the back of his chair against the wall.

Kurt came over with their drinks and sat across from him. “I know this is probably the last thing you want to have to think about, and today has been crazy, but you have a check in tonight at the hospital. They wanted to see how your bruises and your… laceration was healing.”

He felt a wave of pain come over his face as he thought over his mauled complexion. “How long will it take?”

“Half an hour or so,” Kurt took a sip of his coffee, relishing the slight burning that ran over the tip of his tongue. “I figured you would rather get it over with today. Plus it was at the same time as one of my classes…”

He nearly forgot. Tomorrow was school. Tomorrow he was expected to be around all the kids who laughed at him when he had confessed what his fiancé was doing to him.

“You don’t have to go,” Kurt hurried out when he saw what direction Sebastian’s mind was going in. “Honestly, I don’t think you should. I can get your homework for you so you won’t fall behind.”

Seb thought it over. “Maybe.” He really didn’t want to go back, but he knew the longer he avoided the school, the less likely he was to ever get the guts to go back.

Kurt considered telling Sebastian the other reason he didn’t want him to go, but he didn’t feel this was the appropriate place to bring up his evil ex-fiancé. Or the fact that Sebastian had classes with him.

Blaine and Carole joined them, Blaine pulling out Carole’s chair for her before sitting on his own.

They were silent while they sipped at their warm drinks, conversation topics dying before they could make it past their lips.

Eventually, Sebastian couldn’t take it. “I think I want to go back tomorrow.”

Kurt coughed into his coffee. “Seb, you should at least give yourself another day.”

He shook his head. “I’ll be fine.”

Blaine bit his lip. “Are you sure? What if… he’s there?”

Sebastian felt a tremor work its way up from the base of his spine. He tried to think of words to respond, but it was like his tongue was stuck. He knew that he shouldn’t be afraid of Danny; he couldn’t do anything to him at the school. Not to mention Kurt and Blaine would be on him like hawks circling a carcass. 

Kurt looked down at his cup and began to pick at the styrofoam. “You know you’ll have us with you if you go back, but you don’t have to go back tomorrow.”

Sebastian didn’t want to go back. But he knew he had to. For one time in his pathetic excuse for a life, he had to grow a pair and be a man. “I know. And I am.”

The rest of the stop was spent in silence and Sebastian almost spoke up and apologized for ruining their afternoon with his problems, but no one seemed to be mad. Just thoughtful.

After their cups had been empty for a while, Blaine glanced at his watch and announced he should be heading back to his apartment. He had plans with some friends.

He hugged everyone goodbye and smiled softly at Sebastian and Kurt, “See you two tomorrow.”

Sebastian watched as he left, wondering how he could be so kind to him, so friendly, despite all the crap he had done to him in high school.

He had hit Blaine in the eye with a rock salt slushie. He had flirted with him nonstop and made his friends all miserable. He had taken all of the classiness Blaine had worked so hard to achieve with the Warblers and ruined it for his own selfish sakes.

He didn’t even want to think of all the horrible things he had done to Kurt.

But yet, here they were, both of them, not only being polite and civilized, but kind and caring. Trying to help him through a rough patch, while he had made their's a living hell. 

He didn’t deserve their kindness. He didn’t deserve anyone's kindness. Not Carole’s, not Blaine’s and not Kurt’s.

Hell, especially not Kurt’s. He had tried to steal his boyfriend, originally tried to blind him with a rock salt slushie, insulted him every chance he got, and generally been a complete and total ass toward him. 

But not only did Kurt forgive him, he rescued him from his fiancé. He gave him a place to live. He fed and freaking clothed him since he didn’t want to return to the apartment for his things or his money because he was scared. He held him when he cried and broke down. He was nice to him, even when he was being a total pain in the ass.

Sebastian dared to glance over at him. Kurt was looking down at his phone and texting someone, his cerulean eyes soft as they drifted over lines of text and his cheeks still dusted scarlet from the weather outside. His caramel hair was styled, but product free. He had a bright blue scarf wrapped around his neck making his whole face seem more defined-

“Seb?” Kurt looked up and Sebastian glanced away, blinking as if he had zoned out.

“Sorry,” he busied himself with drinking his coffee, depressed to find it cold.

“Ready to head back, boys?” Carole asked. She stood up and grabbed everyone’s empty cups to throw away.

Kurt nodded and they both followed her out. 

Kurt smiled and laughed to himself softly.

Sebastian lifted an eyebrow. “What is it?”

He threw his head back and laughed. “Who would’ve thought I would come to New York and willingly gone to coffee with Sebastian Smythe, the smirky little meerkat?”

Sebastian smiled and shrugged in return as they left the shop, the cold air smacking into them like a wave. “Life isn’t always as predictable as a Broadway show, princess.”

Kurt elbowed him. “Yeah, I guess not.”

 

“How long do I have to be there for?” Sebastian grimaced as Carole examined his stitches and looked over his bruises. 

“They said it was just a check-up so they could examine your stitches and bruises.”

“Well, Carole can do that,” Sebastian grumbled. He didn’t want to go anywhere; he had a headache and wanted nothing more than to go to sleep.

Kurt watched as Carole gingerly touched the bruising wrapped around his neck and Sebastian hissed. “I can reschedule it for tomorrow afternoon after class if you want.”

Sebastian knew it would be better just to get it over with, but he couldn’t imagine going somewhere right now. “Please.”

“Alright, I’ll call,” Kurt walked off into the living room while Carole finished her examination. 

“Alright, sweetie, could you take your shirt off for me? I want to see how your shoulders and back are doing.”

He hesitantly pulled it over his shoulders, feeling the cold air hit it mercilessly. He felt self-conscious; like she could now see every blemish, every imperfection he had worked so hard to conceal. 

“Oh, hon’,” Carole hissed under her breath when she finally laid her eyes on Sebastian’s bare, bruised, emaciated form.

His whole back was peppered with purple and green splashes and his spine and shoulder blades jutted out of his ashen skin. She knew he was thin and malnourished, but she hadn’t expected this. 

Sebastian was naturally a stick, but there was no way this was natural. No way he was this thin and eating correctly. 

“Sebastian, baby, you’re so thin,” She whispered. She said it loud enough that he could hear it, but soft enough it didn’t travel over to Kurt.

He didn’t respond. Kurt implied the same thing, but he didn’t feel thin. He still felt like there was too much of him. Like there shouldn’t be any more of him taking up space then there already was.

Carole felt her eyes beginning to water; she had seen so many people go through this, so many poor kids starving themselves because they didn’t believe they were good enough. Granted, most of them had been high school girls, but she could see the same sadness they dragged with them in Sebastian’s eyes. 

She murmured about finishing before heading toward the bathroom so he couldn’t see her get emotional. It wouldn’t help him; if anything, seeing that something he had done had upset her would only make him worse.

“…Thanks. We’ll see you tomorrow.” Kurt hung up the phone and headed back into the kitchen, surprised to see only Sebastian in there.

His head was resting on his arms and he was clearly asleep.

I wore out the meerkat. Kurt smirked.

“Come on, meerkat,” Kurt softly shook his shoulder.

“Mmm,” Sebastian mumbled into his arms.

“Bedtime.”

Sebastian stretched and clumsily pulled himself up. Kurt grabbed onto his elbow. “Alright, let’s get you to bed.”

“I can walk by-”

“Don’t argue with me.”

Kurt half dragged a sleep-deprived Sebastian into the bedroom, sitting him down on the bed as he changed into his pajamas. Which meant an undershirt and boxers.

Kurt helped him unbutton his shirt after watching him fail and fumble for a minute. 

“I can do it,” Sebastian insisted as he half-heartedly swatted at Kurt’s hands.

Kurt rolled his eyes. “Yeah, you were succeeding with such vigor before.”

After he shrugged out of his plaid shirt and managed to get out of his jeans, he curled up on the floor. Mere seconds after his head hit the pillow, he was out.

Kurt tossed a blanket over him and went into the kitchen to finish his homework before going to bed himself.

 

“Sebastian! Oh my god, I woke you up thirty minutes ago!” Kurt groaned. “We’re going to be late! And since you insisted on going today, don’t think that I won’t leave your sorry ass behind.”

He moaned into his pillow and pulled the blanket over his head. It was too early for His Royal Shrillness to be squawking at him. 

Kurt yanked the blanket off the ground and Sebastian curled in on himself. “Come on, five more minutes. It’s freezing.”

Kurt balled it up and tossed it across the bedroom. “Yeah, it’s always freezing in the morning. Welcome to the world of cheap New York City apartment complexes. Seriously, meerkat, we leave in ten minutes.”

Sebastian gave up. He pulled himself to his feet and padded into the bathroom not surprised to discover he looked like an extra from The Walking Dead. 

Kurt slid a plate of pancakes onto the bathroom counter and grimaced at the state of Sebastian’s hair. “Carole made you breakfast. And give me a single excuse as to why you can’t eat it and I won’t let you get in the car.”

Sebastian cringed and felt his mouth watering already at the sight of pancakes and toast. He would eat a piece of toast just to satisfy Princess. He finished it in three bites. “Happy?”

Kurt smirked. “Absolutely.”

Sebastian finished getting ready while Kurt went over all of his binders and textbooks to assure himself that he had everything he needed. He had an extra notebook and plenty of writing utensils for Sebastian to borrow until Kurt could stop by that cursed apartment and get his books.

“Meerkat! Two minutes!”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Relax! I’m ready, I’m ready. See? Two minutes to spare. Two minutes I could’ve spent in bed.”

“More like on my floor talking in your sleep. Seriously. You had a full-on monologue going this morning,” Kurt shouldered his messenger bag and Carole came over and handed both of them a thermos of coffee.

“See you, boys, later,” Carole hugged them both before ushering them out the door so they wouldn’t be late. 

Sebastian pulled his jacket and gloves on as they sauntered down the hall. “I do not talk in my sleep!”

He laughed. “Sebastian, you should have heard yourself.”

“What was I talking about?”

“I don’t know. It was more disconcerted murmuring than anything coherent.”

Sebastian knew he used to talk in his sleep when he was little. But he thought he had outgrown it. So he did what he always did when he was wrong or didn’t want to talk about something; he changed the topic. “We have theory together, right?”

Kurt raised an eyebrow but nodded in confirmation. “Why?”

“I don’t know which classes we have together.”

“Oh, right.” Kurt couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that only a few days ago, they hadn’t really spoken to each other; let alone looked for each other in classrooms. “I think we also have stage combat and history.”

Sebastian nodded. Good, he had Kurt in all of today’s classes. 

He sipped at his coffee and tried to think if there was anything he needed for a class that he hadn’t kept in his locker for stage combat. Pens and paper basically. He had kept a few textbooks back at the apartment, but everything else was at the school. He usually did all of his homework in the library; a sanctuary where his daily problems couldn’t find him and Danny couldn’t hurt him. Not to mention he’d always loved the peace and quiet.

They stepped into the brisk winter air and Sebastian was so thankful for Kurt’s impromptu trip to the store yesterday. 

Kurt glanced up at the condensed clouds drifting above them. “It looks like it’s going to snow.”

Sebastian examined the sky. “We can look up the weather on your phone on the way there.”

Sure enough, once Kurt was driving and the heat from the vents finally supplied enough warmth for Sebastian to bring his hands out of their gloves and out of his pocket, Sebastian checked the weather.

“It doesn’t start until around dinner time, but it looks like we’ll be snowed in for at least a day.”

Kurt smiled. “Alright, since our first two classes are back to back, we’ll go grab the necessities during lunch. We can grab something to eat while we’re out.”

“We can grab an industrial size box of hot chocolate mix.”

Kurt tried to keep his focus on the roads, but Sebastian’s excitement was rubbing off on him. Not to mention Kurt was happy just to see Sebastian happy. It was rare and kind of adorable. And he was openly voicing that there was something he wanted to eat. Kurt wasn’t going to pass that up. “We can grab some hot chocolate at lunch too. There’s this really cute shop near NYADA I have to show you…”

 

While classes hadn’t been as bad as he had assumed, he couldn’t stand everyone looking at him.

He should have known it was only a matter of time before someone found out about what had happened with Danny. Kurt had told Berry after all, and Sebastian had never met anyone with a bigger blabber mouth then her. But he didn’t think it would be this bad.

What bothered him the most was he had no idea who was glaring at him because he was beaten up, because they knew what Danny did to him, or because they believed he did something to Danny.

Kurt’s glare he sent the way of anyone who dared to look at Sebastian in the wrong way was helping to scare off those who might be willing to speak their minds over the situation, but Sebastian knew it was just a matter of time until the whole school took Danny’s side and his middle school years repeated themselves.

He had hated the way he felt in middle school. Even in a place such as France, there were people who would pick on you just because of who you were. Sebastian hadn’t told anyone about who was in France or here when he came back to America. They had just guessed. 

Apparently, the word ‘faggot’ doesn’t change in French. Or maybe none of the people at his school had been genuinely French enough to know. He hadn’t had any friends while he was there, so he didn’t actually know where anybody came from. He just knew how much money everyone’s daddies had.

He’d only been messed with mentally when he was in France, the school there ran a tight ship and his mother would have their driver pick him up and drop him off so they couldn’t catch him on his way to and from school.

Once they came back to America though, his little bubble of emotional bullying only went out the window. American tweens didn’t care about getting in trouble the way the boys in France had. He was shoved, pushed in the mud or in puddles, his food was spit in, they always put gross things on his desk chair or down the back of his shirt… The only reason he didn’t end up in detention was that when he cursed them out, he was never caught because no one spoke French. 

He had been short and thin until the end of eighth grade when he finally started growing into the over six feet tall giant he is today. He was still thin, but gradually, his height began to scare off some of his tormentors. 

He had always been on the lacrosse team. He had started playing back in France, but with his height and growing muscles pretty soon no one dared to bother him anymore. Not when he could see over all of their heads.

He was still an outcast, he would always be remembered as the gay French guy, but he had gotten his revenge in high school. Something he quickly learned to regret, but it had seemed like the answer to his prayers when he did it. 

“Bas’?” Kurt waved his hand in front of his face.

Sebastian shook his head to clear it, not a good idea with the headache he was currently sporting, and quickly put everything away in his stage combat locker. You were only supposed to keep your stage combat class gear in there, but Sebastian kept almost all of his school stuff in there since the first time Danny had hit him. “I’m ready.”

Kurt led the way through the halls and Sebastian just wanted to disappear. God, would they never get tired of watching him like he was some freak show display?

Kurt slipped his hand into Sebastian’s shaky one and squeezed. 

Kurt didn’t turn around or even say anything, but Sebastian got the message he was trying to convey. He wasn’t alone, and while it seemed that way, he still had Kurt. He knew he also still had Blaine and Carole, but Kurt was here right now and he was holding his hand and he was real.

Sebastian saw the turning of heads Kurt’s gesture brought out, the sneers and looks of disgust they sent his way at the thought of someone as esteemed as Kurt Hummel holding hands with the likes of him. But Kurt didn’t seem to care. If anything, it made him hold his head even higher and Sebastian’s hand tighter.

His chin was jutted out, a smirk played across his face. Sometimes Sebastian wondered whether the reason Hummel made it through high school was that people tearing him down just made him stronger. It probably was. Hummel had gone through even more than he had, and he came out with his compassion and humanity intact while middle school made Sebastian cold and closed off.

Maybe he could make up for his sins. Maybe.

And he had the feeling the key to fixing himself was the fiery owner of the hand clutched in his own.


	13. Snow and Showtunes

Carole’s work called. They needed her back soon (something about low staff), so she had begrudgingly agreed to fly back the next day.

She was still worried about Sebastian, and she hoped Kurt would be able to handle the demons that pounced out of his closet, but she no longer worried for them to the point of where she needed to be there. Kurt was a young man now; he could handle it. At least she hoped so.

Kurt was so young to have all of this tossed on his shoulders. His middle school and high school experiences had been dreadful. He was bullied mercilessly and from what Burt had told her, after his mom’s death he also had panic attacks. He overcame them, but he had never been the same.

She knew it wasn’t fair for Sebastian, he hadn’t done anything wrong. But she still worried about him living with Kurt. He had so much baggage. He hadn’t admitted to anything, but she could tell abuse was something he was no stranger to. She didn’t know what had happened, or who had done it, but there was something about him that told her Danny hadn’t been the first to cruelly hurt him.

Just to add to her worry, she knew he had an eating disorder. She hoped it was just a symptom of his abuse and not a deeper issue. She had warned her stepson to monitor him carefully and not wait until it was too late to seek professional help. But Kurt had told her that he had him buy a huge thing of hot chocolate mix at the store, which even she had to admit, was monumental progress. 

She watched from the couch as they sat at the kitchen table laughing at something that happened at school. She hadn’t seen Sebastian smile like that since she had met him. Not even the few times she’d seen him back when they lived in Lima. This wasn’t an attempt at a smile and it wasn’t a smirk; it was genuine. 

“No, I’m not kidding, he literally tried to tell me I didn’t have any style and I just whipped out Isabelle’s business card like ‘yeah right, asshole,’” Kurt re-accounted. Normally she would’ve yelled at him to watch his language but Sebastian beat her to it.

“Oh, so the Princess’s mouth isn’t as dainty as her complexion,” Sebastian wiggled his eyebrows and Kurt lightly hit him on the shoulder.

“Is this coming from the owner of Ohio’s dirtiest mouth?”

 _“Je peux jurer en français trop,”_ Sebastian mumbled into his hot chocolate.

 _“Vous oubliez, je parle aussi le français, meerkat,”_ Kurt retorted.

Sebastian’s eyes lit up momentarily, but he concealed it with a smirk. “Ah, so Princess speaks the language of love. I took you for one of the many wannabe Mexicans that attend NYADA. You would not believe the things I’ve gotten away with saying at that school…”

Kurt snorted. “I can believe it.”

They turned back to their hot chocolate and Kurt smiled at the fact that Sebastian was eating something with actual substance and calories. Maybe he really could get him back to eating properly… 

Carole decided to join them, settling into the chair across from Kurt and sipping from her mug. “The news says it should start to snow any minute now. Hopefully, it won’t delay my flight. I’m so scared of what your father has been eating. How many pizzas do you think he’s ordered?”

Kurt grimaced at the thought of his father trying to cook something, failing and swearing, and then dialing Pizza Hut’s number with vehemence as he drank a beer in front of a blasting football game. 

“At least five. He’s probably eating eggs or toast for breakfast and making some of his cringe-worthy sandwiches for lunch. Dinner is most definitely pizza though.”

Sebastian’s father would never eat pizza. Maybe he’d eat some deluxe burger he had Gretchen, their chef (or at least she had been last time Sebastian had been there), prepare. But Pizza Hut? Never. 

Carole sighed dramatically. “What am I going to do with him? I don’t even want to imagine how bad the house looks right now. Without you or I there…” She gasps. “I can’t think about the damage that will be done if Finn had decided to pay a visit at some point…”

Kurt and Sebastian both cringed. Sebastian hadn’t known Finn very well, if at all, but one of the messages he got perfectly clear was that Finn wasn’t graceful. Judging from his attire, he also didn’t he strike him as a tidy soul. 

“Alright, new topic,” Kurt demanded. “The thought of the house’s condition is too depressing. Oh my Gaga, so Carole, you will not believe what happened at school today.”

She lifted her eyebrow. “What?”

“So, we were in music theory, and the teacher was droning on and on about music composition, and I kid you not, a girl in the front row fell asleep.”

Sebastian nodded. “I wonder if she’ll be kicked out of NYADA.”

Kurt grimaced. “Maybe. Since it’s such a small group and there’s such a long list of applicants… I just can’t imagine getting kicked out. I mean, I almost fell asleep myself, but the kind of humiliation you would suffer after flunking out…”

They slipped into a silence to try and absorb the idea of being kicked out of a college where you had to possibly be the next Barbara Streisand just to get into it. Sebastian glanced toward the window, a smile forming as he noticed what was happening. “It’s snowing!”

His legs were still sore, along with the rest of his whole freaking body, but he persistently limped toward the window and watched as the glassy pale flakes fell over the brightly lit city. 

Kurt laughed. “You would think that it’s your first snowfall.”

Sebastian shrugged. He knew it was childlike, but he adored snow. It was so beautiful as it fell from the sky; like silver fairy dust. The wind made it spin and dance, weaving it into elegant patterns.

“I wonder if we’ll still have school tomorrow anyway,” Sebastian wondered aloud.

Carole shook her head. “They wouldn’t make you boys go out in that weather, would they? They can just email you the work you need to do.”

“Looks like I have to reschedule that stupid check up again,” Kurt grumbled. 

Sebastian kept his inner joy suppressed. He had not been looking forward to going to that damn hospital again. 

“Don’t look so upset about it, Sebastian,” Kurt smirked as he sipped his hot chocolate. 

Sebastian shrugged, attempting innocence and obliviousness. “What?”

Kurt just chuckled to himself softly in reply.

After drinking hot chocolate and arguing playfully, Carole announced she was going to take a nap and Kurt offered for her to take his bed.

“Are you sure?” She asked with a thick yawn.

Kurt nodded. “Absolutely. Sebastian and I will probably just end up watching a movie anyway.”

She smiled and waved as she sauntered toward Kurt’s room. “Have fun boys. Wake me up in a few hours so I can make dinner.”

Sebastian waved lightly and Kurt felt his heart squeeze. The Sebastian he had known was a completely different person from the one sitting in front of him. 

The old Sebastian had been afraid of being emotional, to let anyone know what he was really feeling. He had built a fortress around himself; sarcasm and perverted comments preventing anyone from seeing who he really was. 

But most importantly; eliminating the possibility of someone hurting him. 

Sebastian looked up from his drink and raised an eyebrow at Kurt. “You’re staring.”

Kurt shook his head and smiled as blood rushed to his cheeks. “Sorry. Lost in thought.”

“About what?”

 _You._ But Kurt figured Sebastian would take it the wrong way so he just changed the topic. “We have a whole evening of snow ahead of us. Meaning a whole evening we are filling with some fabulous musicals and whatever you pick. Unless you’re going to try to make me watch horror movies or porn.”

Sebastian smirked. “Oh, you caught me. Guess there goes _Primeros Amantes Tiempo.”_

Kurt cringed. “I’m so glad I don’t speak Spanish. I don’t even want to know what that means.”

“Actually, it-”

Kurt shoved his fingers in his ears and proceeded to begin humming some god awful show tune. 

Sebastian considered just yelling out the translation but decided it wasn’t worth it. He would have plenty of other opportunities to steal Princess’s innocence throughout the day.

“So, what girly musical are you about to make me sit through?”

Kurt took his fingers out of his ears and smiled. “You’ll see.”

Sebastian groaned and stretched out over the countertop, his whole torso pressed to the cool granite. “Princess, please. Spare me.”

Kurt just shook his head and laughed. 

Sebastian determined his resistance was futile. After looking out the window one last time, as if the snow falling without restraint was his freedom, he gave in and joined Kurt in front of the TV. 

Sebastian sat on the couch, crossing his legs and holding the heated mug close, hoping some of the warmth would seep into the air and cure his freezing limbs. 

“There’s a blanket right there, Bas,” Kurt offered, waving his hand toward the soft blue flannel draped over the back of the couch. 

Sebastian just shook his head and offered a small smile. He was cold, he didn’t really get why, but he didn’t want the fabric tucked around him. Then he wouldn’t have any excuses for the occasional shivers that always coursed through his body when he was allowed to roam the caverns of his own mind. And if the movie was dull, which there was a large chance it might be, he would do a lot of wandering.

“Seriously though, what are we watching?” Sebastian asked as he watched Kurt browse through what appeared to be endless DVDs. 

“I haven’t decided yet. We could always watch _Mamma Mia_ … Or _Moulin Rouge_ …”

Sebastian had at least heard of them, but neither peaked his interest. Oh well. As much as he wanted to refuse to sit through either, Princess was letting him live with him and doing beyond what was expected; the least he could do was scar himself with one of his movies. 

“Oh! We could watch _Gigi!_ ” Kurt popped it in without another word. “Audrey Hepburn is perfection in this movie. Seriously, Sebastian, this is just- _mmm,_ it’s perfect.”

Kurt sat in the center of the couch and covered both of their legs with the blanket. “You’re going to love this.”

Oh, dear God, did he hope so.

The movie had actually been decent. Not something Sebastian would have chosen, but definitely not as scarring as he had expected a movie picked by Kurt to be.

He had almost fallen asleep a few times, but that was partially due to the warm hot chocolate sitting in his gut. 

Once the end credits had begun rolling, Kurt checked the time. They still had a little while until Carole asked them to wake her up. 

So Kurt rummaged through some of Rachel’s stuff until he found an incredibly worn set of cards. 

Sebastian noticed then that they hadn’t seen the hyperactive girl in a while. “Where has Rachel been?”

Kurt shrugged. “She does this a lot. Some nights, especially when she practices late, she just crashes with someone who lives nearby.”

“So she doesn’t even check in every once in a while?”

Kurt shook his head. “She’s Rachel. Being considerate is not in the description.”

He smirked. “Figures.”

They played stupid card games for the next half hour; cards flying and laughs echoing through the apartment. Kurt flicked one at Sebastian as he gloated over his many victories. He had smoked Princess multiple times and he was convinced Sebastian couldn’t have done it without dishonesty.

“You cheated!”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Relax, Princess. I’m just that good at it.”

Kurt sneered playfully. “You wish, you narcissistic meerkat.”

“Names hurt,” He mockingly clutched his chest. 

“Sebastian,” Kurt stated as he attempted to suppress a smile, “No one can wound your ego.”

Sebastian offered a cocky shrug and Kurt flicked another card at him.

The curtain from Kurt’s bedroom pulled open. “I told you, boys, to wake me up in time to make dinner!” Carole yawned as she strolled into the kitchen. She tried to glare at them both and show them how irritated she was, but she couldn’t maintain her rage when she saw Kurt fling his final card at Sebastian, who smoothly dodged it.

Kurt glanced at the clock and realized much more time had gone past than he had previously realized. Oops. “Sorry, we lost track of time. What are we making?”

She opened the fridge and began to rummage. “Did you boys get anything healthy? Or anything to make meals with?”

Kurt snorted. “I tried, but Bas refused to think that far ahead. He doesn’t do healthy.”

“I got lots of granola bars, those are good for you…” The accused murmured, balancing on the two back legs of his chair, arms crossed defensively.

Kurt glanced out the window. “If we go right now, we can make it to the shop a few blocks down before the snow builds up too much.”

Sebastian perked up slightly at the idea of going out in the snow but concealed it with a nonchalant shrug. “Whatever.”

Carole frowned. “Are you sure? You could at least wait until it stopped snowing. I don’t want either of you to wake up sick tomorrow.”

“Carole, it’s just a few blocks. We’ll be fine,” Kurt persuaded. He grabbed his jacket and began slipping it on. Sebastian got up and followed his example. 

She tried to find a way for Kurt to understand what she meant. She didn’t care about him going out in this weather, but she didn’t think it was good to have Sebastian in it. On top of the fact that his bruises were just as prevalent as ever, the frigid air and densely populated streets weren’t something he needed. 

Kurt pulled gloves and a scarf on before smiling. “We’ll be fine.”

Sebastian tried to suppress his happiness, but he couldn’t help it. Ever since he had come to live with Kurt he had almost lost his ability to put up masks. It was as if there were cracks in his disguise, and the moment Kurt saw through one, the whole thing crumbled away. 

Carole caught his eyes and sent a worried smile. “Just promise me you’ll be careful, alright?”

Sebastian pulled on his gloves and stuck his hands in his pockets. “We will.”

Shutting the door before strutting down the dank hall, Kurt glanced over at Sebastian, just to make sure he was okay with this. He hadn’t thought much of asking, knowing Sebastian would accuse him of babying him, but the subtle glance Carole sent his way made him wonder whether he would be okay.

New York City was bad enough when a snowstorm wasn’t approaching, but now the tightness and the rude shoving would only be that much worse. Kurt knew he couldn’t shield Sebastian from the world, but he could at least try with something like this. Especially after the thing in the park

“What is it?”

Kurt shook his head to pull himself out of his reverie. “Hm?”

“You zoned out.”

Kurt offered a soft smile. “Just got lost in thought.”

Sebastian wanted to ask what about, but he was worried the answer would be something involving him. Everything seemed to revolve around him, and it wasn’t in the good way he had fantasized about in high school.

By the time they had made their way down a few flights of stairs and into the storm, both boys’ cheeks had turned a bright cherry hue. Sebastian regretted his decision on not wearing a scarf the moment the first cold wind blew snow down his neck.

“How far is the store?” He asked, trying to cover up how freezing he was.

Kurt pointed his chin down the street. “Just a few blocks. Only a few minutes away.”

Sebastian lifted his shoulders in an attempt to lessen the cold, but by the time they reached the grocery store, which looked like a place drug deals went down as often as product purchases, his ears and necks were the same color as his nose. 

Kurt pulled out the grocery list and directed them both toward the vegetables. “Alright, first thing we need is…”

Sebastian wasn’t listening very intently. He just followed the shorter boy as he tossed things into a basket and murmured about high prices.

He leaned against a bin of bananas while Kurt picked vegetables and glanced around out of sheer boredom. 

His eyes glazed over the people around them until he saw a silhouette he recognized.

His knees locked and the rosiness from the cold vanished from his face. His eyes widened, the bruised one painfully, and his breath caught in his lungs. _No, this couldn’t be happening. It wasn’t him. It couldn’t be him. Not here. This-this wasn’t real._

Kurt glanced up, and toward the person of his attention. His face didn’t pale like Sebastian’s, at least not until he noticed Sebastian’s expression.

“Bas.” Kurt touched his arm and tried to turn him away, but he wouldn’t budge. 

Sebastian couldn’t stop looking. It was like he was stuck staring at his back; like no matter how many times his brain yelled _run, run like hell,_ he couldn’t.

Kurt realized how bad this was. _Sebastian was having a panic attack._ Just like Kurt used to have after his mom’s death. He needed to get him somewhere where he could calm down. He was hyperventilating and if he didn’t slow down his breathing, he would pass out.

He grabbed his bicep and pulled him in the opposite direction, towards the bathroom. Sebastian’s mind didn’t register where they were going until a swinging door slammed into his shoulder. 

Kurt grabbed his face between his hands, the gloved leather tips softly rubbing over his cheekbones. “Hey, hey! Look at me, Bas! You’re fine.”

His eyes were darting and his whole body was shaking. He felt like he was going to be sick. This couldn’t be happening. Not now. He felt his hands tightening over Kurt’s wrists. “H-he’s out th-there!”

“That wasn’t him. He can’t touch you.” Kurt’s sky-hued eyes settled on his own. “You’re safe.”

Sebastian had seen him. It was Danny. He knew it. The thought crashed into him again and his eyes began burning, but he held back tears. “But-”

Kurt shook his head. God, he hoped the same tricks his dad pulled on him worked on Bas. “No buts. I’m right here. He can’t touch you. He won’t.”

Sebastian closed his eyes and tried to steady his heartbeat. Kurt continued to stroke his cheekbones, feeling the taller boy’s hands convulsing as they tried to grip his tiny wrists. Kurt’s own heart wanted to speed up; Bas was scaring him. But he took deep breaths and focused on the boy in front of him. The increasing depths of his breaths and the slowing of his pounding heart.

Sebastian took a minute or two of just breathing. Matching his lungs intake and outtake with the other boy. He cleared his head and tried to focus only on the hands holding him together. Kurt’s hands were much smaller than his, but even with the gloves on, he could feel their gentleness. They were strong and firm, but their soft caresses made his mind go blank. Gradually, as his breathing slowed, so did his heart.

He couldn’t believe how easily Kurt calmed him down. Settled his racing heart. Stopped his shaky breaths and overactive mind.

“This wasn’t a good idea,” Kurt whispered more to himself than anyone else. “I shouldn’t have brought you here.”

“This isn’t your fault,” Sebastian admonished. “You had no way of knowing I would mistake some random guy in the produce aisle for my ex-fiancé.” 

Kurt opened his mouth to speak but a shaky laugh from Sebastian quieted him. “I have some pretty crappy luck, don’t I? I mean, think about it; I go to the freaking _grocery store_ and hallucinate that I’m seeing the one person I never want to see again.”

Kurt could tell Sebastian was just trying to distract himself and smiled. “Yeah, your luck sucks.”

“Well, at least all this bad luck means I have to have something good happen sometime soon.” Sebastian smiled.

Kurt tried to think of a response, but he was too distracted by the dizzying beauty of Sebastian’s smile. It’s wide, toothy and almost childish. His eyes sparkled like polished marble and his nose crinkled in a way that just made Kurt’s organs melt into pink sludge.

_Hold it right there, Hummel. Where the hell did that come from?_

Kurt felt his cheeks darken. Why did he notice that?

Sebastian could feel his face reddening too. Oh God, did Kurt notice him staring? Kurt deserved better than him; his little schoolboy crush was pointless. He dug his teeth into his tongue and glanced at his feet. 

It didn’t matter whether he thought the way Prin-Kurt’s eyes lit up when he smiled was adorable. Kurt needed someone who wasn’t so royally screwed up. He needed a cute, normal, attractive boy that would buy him flowers and make him dinner and wouldn’t have panic attacks in the produce aisle at a FoodMart. 

Princess needed someone besides him. And no matter how badly he wanted him, no matter how much he thought about screwing logic and kissing him, he would never be enough.

He would never be good enough.


	14. Tormentors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As the school year approaches with frightening intensity... I wish luck to all my readers who are entering a semester of education!

Kurt tried the rest of the evening to push down the memories Sebastian’s panic attack had resurfaced, but they persisted. As he glared at his reflection in the mirror, he couldn’t stop his mind from drifting back.

_The bell had just rung. Kurt knew what horrors resided in the hallway and tried to sprint through unseen. At the early age of 9, he had learned how to survive school. The first rule of survival; never hang around in the hallway._

_“Hey, Hummel! Look at you, all dressed up like a princess.”_

_He ducked his head and tried to escape into a classroom. He knew his outfit had been pushing it; his shirt was a hue of blue that was a little too close to periwinkle._

_“I’m talking to you!” The bully, whose name Kurt had forgotten, yelled. He grabbed Kurt’s backpack and pulled back as hard as he could, flinging his tiny third-grade form into a locker. “What’s wrong? Scarred I’m gonna hurt you and make you scream like a little girl?”_

_He tried to steady his breathing, but he couldn’t. His tormentor was a fifth grader and there was nothing he could do to escape. “Just leave me alone.”_

_The bully smiled wider as Kurt’s face contorted in horror. He pulled out a juice box from his lunchbox and squeezed it all over his shirt._

_“Now you smell fruity like a princess too,” he sneered before walking away, his shadow looming over almost everyone else in the hallway._

_Kurt knew he was crying and ran as fast as he could to the bathroom, his little legs pumping and his arms struggling to keep his oversized backpack planted firmly on his shoulders._

_He dropped into the biggest stall, locked the door and peeled off the soaked shirt. The grape juice stained it permanently. He wrapped his tiny arms around his ribcage to stay warm and tried to calm down. He knew he was hyperventilating; his dad told him that it happened when people got really sad or really scared._

_So he curled up in the corner of the filthy stall, tightened his arms across his naked, sticky torso, and cried._

“Hey, Princess!”

Kurt sighed and let a little smile grace his lips. “Don’t you dare start singing that song.”

“What song?”

Oh. Right. Sebastian had lived in France. He missed the phenomenon of extreme teeny bop boy bands. Or maybe he and his little private school pals were too good for the public school phenomenon. “Never mind. What do you want?”

“I just wanted to know if you were okay. You ran in there when we got back and you’ve been in there for like ten minutes. Isn’t it too early for your skin regime?”

He rolled his eyes, checked his appearance and opened the door.

Sebastian was smirking. “So, what were you doing in there? Texting an unrequited lover?”

“You wish.”

“Hey, you two! Come help me with dinner!” Carole tossed Sebastian a rag and pushed a bowl of some sort of mix toward Kurt. “You,” she pointed a sauce-coated spoon at Sebastian, “clean the dishes from lunch and breakfast. Kurt, you mix this.”

Stirring something on the stove, Carole glanced worriedly out at the snow storm. “There’s no way my flight will be able to get out tomorrow.”

Sebastian placed a few dried plates on the counter. “You’d be surprised. As long as it isn’t still snowing, you should be able to fly out.”

Kurt pulled out his phone. “Yeah, I just checked the weather and they changed their forecast. The snow looks like it’s only going to be coming down for a few hours. It’s just going to shut things down for the rest of the day. By tomorrow, everything will be back in business.”

“Wow. Guess some things here are similar to Ohio.” Carole smiled. “Speaking of Ohio, do you have any Thanksgiving plans this year, Sebastian?”

He shook his head, trying not to bit his lip. He knew where this was going and he wasn’t sure how to feel about it.

“What would you say to spending it at the Hudson-Hummels? I know I just met you a few days ago, and that this is really sudden, but the holiday is only a few weeks away and no one should spend it alone.”

He shrugged. “Sure.”

She wasn’t sure whether they were at this point yet or not, but she decided to go with her gut and go for it. She walked over and hugged him.

He didn’t tense up or try to push her away. Just wrapped the arm that wasn’t covered in soapy suds around her shoulders in return. It should have felt at least somewhat awkward, but it felt natural. 

Like this was where he belonged.

She tried to push his slimness to the back of her mind and keep focused on happy thoughts. “Perfect! I can’t wait for you to meet Burt and Finn. They might come off a little cold at first, but they’ll warm up.”

“Have you already asked my dad?” Kurt asked, the hidden question obvious. _Are you sure he’s going to_ let _Sebastian come over?_

“Of course. Now that Finn’s in college, your dad and I finally took the time to clean out the storage room and put all of the boxes in there in the garage so we even have a guest room. Besides, as long as Sebastian lays on the charm, we won’t have any issues.”

It sounded too perfect to be true. Sebastian had gone from being disowned by his family and dating someone like Danny to being invited to spend Thanksgiving with the Hummels. He still didn’t know them very well, but he knew that nothing could be worst then what he had.

Besides, he could tell he… well, felt something for Kurt. He couldn’t tell whether it was just extreme appreciation and friendship, or something a bit more. But he could tell that he wouldn’t mind spending the holiday with him. He just hoped his father and stepbrother were half as kind to him as Kurt and Carole.

“Speaking of your father, Kurt, he asked me to tell you to call him. Go do it before you forget; I think Sebastian and I can manage.”

Kurt tried to push down the fear of why his father wanted him to call him. He knew it probably had everything to do with the person currently failing at doing the dishes. 

He performed the ritual of locking himself in the bathroom and punched in his father’s number. He answered after only two rings. 

“Hello?”

“Hey, Dad.”

“Kiddo, I know you’ve probably been crazy busy, but you could’ve called. I’ve been worried about you.”

“Sorry, things have been mildly chaotic here.”

“Well, tell me about it. I’ve got time.”

Kurt took a deep breath, picked certain details to leave out, and recounted everything. He knew he was babbling, but that was the greatest thing about his father. As long as it wasn’t about a celebrity, and it was important to him, he listened. 

“… I just don’t know how to help him. I know he’s starving himself, but I can’t figure out how to make him eat. He’s too fragile right now to send him to a doctor or some sort of institution. I just don’t know what to do.”

Burt made a thoughtful noise. “Well, Kiddo, I don’t know what to do either. I’ve never dealt with that. I mean some of your diets were a little too intense, but you always ate. But I can tell you the best thing you can do for him, is to just do what you’re doing. Treating him like he’s normal is exactly what he needs. Now don’t take that to the extremes; I don’t think the subway or super crowded parties would be good for him but don’t baby him. There’s a perfect level between understanding his problems and treating them. All you have to do is find it.”

“You know,” Kurt’s lips quirked into a smile, “you’re pretty smart for a mechanic.”

“Well, not everyone gets to be on Broadway. Some of us get stuck cleaning out car engines.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem kiddo. Take care of him, but don’t forget to also take care of yourself.”

“You too. Love you.”

“You too, kiddo.”

Kurt hung up and held his cell phone to his chest. He had one of the best dads in the whole world. 

 

It was almost ten. Carole and Sebastian had fallen asleep over an hour ago, but Kurt was still up.

Sebastian was sleeping on the floor a few feet away and every few minutes, he would murmur or twist under the blanket Kurt had to keep recovering him with. It was freezing in the apartment and Sebastian kept managing to shed the blanket all the way to his knees, so his whole body was shivering.

He murmured something softly, followed by his shoulders tensing. Kurt could tell it was going to be a bad night; he just hoped nightmares wouldn’t keep him awake until morning. There were a lot of people who functioned well with little sleep, he was one of them (at least he thought he was), but he didn’t want to learn whether Sebastian was or not. Kurt let his eyes fall on the taller boy’s face.

Sebastian’s forehead glistened with sweat; his eyes were shifty beneath the lids. He could tell he was having a nightmare just from his face, even though the light coming from the streets was sparse and irregular.

But Kurt didn’t want to wake him up yet. He was hoping the spell would pass and that the both of them could get some sleep. 

Despite his hopes, that didn’t seem to be the case.

Once it had been almost half an hour of listening and watching him dream uncomfortably, Kurt couldn’t take it anymore.

“Bas.” He slid out from under the warm cocoon of his own bed, and pushing a huge empty popcorn bowl out of his way, sat crisscross on the cold wood. He shivered once the cool air hit his bare arms and legs and rubbed his hands up and down the goosebump coated skin. “Sebastian.”

The only reaction he got was a loud whimper and his head thrashing to the other side. 

Oh God. “Bas, wake up!” He gently reached over and shook his shoulder, surprised at how warm it was. It didn’t feel warm enough to be a fever, but it was warm enough to attest to how fast his heart was pounding. He shook it softly one more time and was relieved when Bas’s eyes finally shot open.

“Are you-” Kurt started.

He was cut off by Sebastian sitting up, a hand clamped over his mouth firmly as he grasped for the empty popcorn bowl. Kurt handed it toward him, his complexion draining when Sebastian proceeded to violently vomit in it.

He gasped before dry heaving a few more times, his back arching slightly and his hands shakily splayed on either side of the bowl to keep him upright. His voice was raspy from being sick, and his eyes soaked with tears when he looked up at Kurt, “Sorry.”

That finally snapped Kurt out of his reverie. “Don’t. None of this is even remotely your fault. Do you want to talk about it?” Sebastian had plenty of nights where nightmares kept him up for hours, but this was the first time one made him physically sick.

Sebastian shook his head and got up to go clean out the bowl in the bathroom.

Kurt had no idea what to do. Normally he would just pull Sebastian against his chest and try to make everything better, but that didn’t seem like what he wanted tonight. For the first time in weeks, Sebastian was acting distant. 

When he came back, he sat down across from Kurt and buried his face in his hands, fingers curling into his hair. Kurt couldn’t think of anything to say or do. He wanted to reach out and touch him, offer some sort of physical support, but every time he lifted his hand, he’d think better of it and softly set it down.

Kurt was beginning to shiver too, his hands shaking from the cold. So he pulled himself back up into his bed and crawled under the covers.

Sebastian was still sitting on top of his blanket, body convulsing from the cold and fear. He looked smaller; he always seemed to shrink when he was hurting. Maybe it was just because he’d lost more weight and he actually was shrinking.

Either way, Kurt couldn’t take it anymore.

“Come here.”

He moved to the other side of the bed and held open the blanket for Sebastian to crawl in next to him. He knew his dad would kill him, and that if Carole found them it would be awkward at best, but he couldn’t just sit there and watch him. If he couldn’t hold him in his arms, the least he could do was wrap him in warmth and give him some kind of assurance that yes, someone was there. 

Sebastian lifted his face from his hands briefly, his red-rimmed green eyes locking on Kurt’s, their sparkling blue holding a sympathy he wasn’t used to, one he didn’t deserve. 

“Are you sure?” He croaked, his voice cracking lightly at the last word.

Kurt nodded. “I’m not leaving you on the floor tonight.”

Sebastian could feel embarrassment explode over his cheekbones, but he couldn’t seem to keep a good hold on his pride either. He wiped his eyes and climbed into bed beside Kurt, his eyes searching the other boys.

“Are you okay?” Kurt asked, his whisper soft enough that Sebastian could barely hear it. 

Sebastian shook his head as another tear slipped from his eye onto the pillow. “But I will be.”

Kurt smiled gently and tried to decide whether placing his hand over the other boy’s would be too much. Their breath was already mingling, their faces only a foot away from each other. They were far enough for no accidental brushes but close enough that they didn’t rely on random lights from the outside world to see each other’s eyes.

Kurt decided to screw logic and discretion and all other things like them and placed his smaller hand over Sebastian’s larger one. It rested on the edge of said boy’s pillow, close enough to Bas’ face that he could feel his breath puff across the back of his hand. Kurt felt the little spark he always felt when he touched him, and based on the look of ease on Sebastian’s face, he felt it too. 

“Do you think you’ll be able to fall back asleep?” Kurt asked honestly when he realized how ambivalent Sebastian looked. His eyes were circled in purple from sleep deprivation and crying yet they were wide open from the fear of falling into the abyss of sleep again. Kurt remembered when he was a kid and his mom would try to get him to sleep after a nightmare. His were much wimpier then Sebastian’s; there was no truth to them and they had been filled with spiders and snakes. Nothing like the real-life traumas Sebastian relived nightly.

Sebastian shook his head. “I-I don’t want to.”

Kurt tried to think of something. His mom had always sung to him when he had nightmares. He didn’t think that would help Sebastian much though. So he gripped his hand in his own and gave him the one thing he could. “I’m right here.”

He offered a soft smile and squeezed back.

Kurt didn’t know what to take it as. He didn’t know what to take them as. What were they? A mere week ago they had been living without so much as glancing at the other. They had seen each other often, but never truly seen each other. 

But now, their relationship had taken a 180. Kurt had forgiven Sebastian, and Sebastian had finally started forgiving himself. They were sharing an apartment while one tried to piece the other back together. Kurt wondered how things would have gone if they had been the other way around if he had been in trouble. Would Sebastian have noticed and helped him?

He didn’t know. He’d like to think so. Despite the snarky, cruel exterior, Sebastian seemed to possess a heart. Kurt didn’t know whether he had compassion, but he hadn’t given him a reason to test it. Maybe he would test it in the future. 

It was weird and kind of creepy how life worked out. They had hated each other and now… they didn’t.

Sebastian released Kurt’s hand and rolled onto his stomach, his arms tucked to his sides as his hands gripped the sheets. He knew falling asleep was questionable, but he had to try. He had class the next day, and he knew Kurt wouldn’t wake him up if he slept through his first one. So he swallowed his fear, closed his eyes and tried to keep the fact that Kurt was right beside him in his mind. He was safe. Danny couldn’t get to him. His dad couldn’t touch him. No one could hurt him here.

Sebastian was out cold within minutes. Kurt couldn’t believe it; he thought he was going to be up for hours. Kurt knew it was creepy, but he couldn’t stop eyeing Bas. He was so peaceful looking; his breathing deep and soft and his eyelids still.

Kurt knew it wouldn’t last, but he hoped against hope it would. 

Kurt’s eyes finally slid closed but he couldn’t sleep. His mind was racing; he couldn’t get over the fact that Sebastian was in his bed. He could feel heat emitting from the other body, making the bed warm. 

He opened his eyes and rolled onto his back, wondering why he couldn’t seem to sleep. It was like the universe had a rule; only one of them could get a good night’s sleep.

Sebastian subconsciously nuzzled against the pillow and further under covers, causing the blanket to ride up all the way to his chin. He whimpered softly and Kurt felt his stomach drop. He couldn’t wake him up again; he needed to sleep.

He knew it was crazy and obviously cheesy as hell, but he was willing to try anything. Besides, if it had worked so well for him, why wouldn’t it work on Sebastian? He reached over and softly ran his fingers over Bas’s hair, already knowing exactly what he was going to do. He really hoped Sebastian was asleep, he wasn’t sure how he would react otherwise. But he would try anyway.

So he licked his lips, swallowed softly, and began to sing.

_Nothing's gonna harm you, not while I'm around_

_Nothing's gonna harm you, no sir, not while I'm around_

_Demons are prowling everywhere nowadays_

_I'll send them howling_

_I don't care, I got ways_

His voice was raspy and he knew he wasn’t winning any awards for the beauty of his vocals at this hour of the night. But it wasn’t about him right now. This was about calming the trembling shoulders beside him. 

Judging from the slowing of his breathing, it was working.

_No one's gonna hurt you,_

_No one's gonna dare_

_Others can desert you,_

_Not to worry, whistle, I'll be there!_

_Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while,_

_But in time..._

_Nothing can harm you_

_Not while I'm around..._

Sebastian had stopped whimpering. His breathing was even and his body still. Kurt couldn’t believe it was working. He knew from some sort of science class that people could hear what was going on around them in their dreams, even if they didn’t focus on it directly or think they had heard. Maybe Sebastian was interpreting his voice as someone else’s. Either way, he was going to finish the song. He hoped that if Sebastian could hear every word, he would listen to them. That he would figure out that this was more than some show tune: it was a promise.

_Being close and being clever_

_Ain't like being true_

_I don't need to,_

_I would never hide a thing from you,_

_Like some..._

Kurt watched as a single tear rolled across a spray of freckles on Bas’s nose before sliding onto his pillow. He wasn’t sure, but these didn’t seem like the same tears from earlier. Sebastian looked almost… happy. Maybe he was having a good dream. Maybe now he was thinking of something or someone. Someone who didn’t want to hurt him.

Maybe, just maybe, he was thinking of someone who loved him.

_No one's gonna hurt you, no one's gonna dare_

_Others can desert you,_

_Not to worry, whistle, I'll be there!_

_Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while_

_But in time..._

_Nothing can harm you_

_Not while I'm around..._

Sebastian felt as Kurt’s hand lingered in his hair after the last note had been gone for seconds. Sebastian wanted to open his eyes and ask him to leave it there, to keep him tethered in the here and now with his touch. But he knew that wasn’t what Kurt wanted. So he felt his heart settle back down at a reasonable pace when Kurt withdrew his arm and shifted on the bed.

Sebastian had woken up midway through his song. When he was still asleep, he thought it had been the maid, Hayley, from their old house in France singing to him, like she used to before his father sent her away for spoiling him. 

When he had realized it was Kurt; singing softly and stroking his hair, he hadn’t known what to do. The gentle, almost motherly affection he had shown… Sebastian wasn’t used to it. He hadn’t been treated like that since Hayley had been around. His own mother had never shown that kind of kindness; most certainly his father hadn’t either. Seb didn’t know what to do. He almost hadn’t remembered what it felt like to be… well, loved.

There was one thing about which he was certain though.

He liked it.


	15. Mealtimes That Go Awry

It had been over three weeks since Carole left, and a month since Sebastian moved in with him. They had fallen into a comfortable pattern. Kurt had returned to work and school and Sebastian was managing. Sebastian was even trying to score an interview for a job at the same restaurant Kurt worked at. Kurt estimated with a little more mooching, he’d be able to score it.

Rachel was at the apartment more often. She still wasn’t comfortable about the whole situation, but she was making progress. The three often had dinner together, and Rachel managed to be friendly. Sometimes she didn’t think through what she was saying, or brought large groups of people over that guaranteed Sebastian wasn’t going to leave the bedroom. But it was way better then what Kurt had suspected. She even joined them for a Project Runway marathon every once in a while.

Sebastian was adjusting well. Nights were still rough, and he had days where he would just sit on the couch and couldn’t seem to bring himself to speak. Those were sparse though, and judging from all he had been through, they were insignificant. 

Kurt had even gotten him to talk about his parents. He had the feeling there was more to it then Bas let on, but he wasn’t going to push. He admitted to his father being a homophobe and that the moment he told him he had no urge to change that, and that he wanted to study dance and music at a school of the arts, his father had kicked him out. He also admitted his mother had done nothing to stop his father and that his brother had encouraged him and even beat him up his own share of times. Kurt hadn’t been able to respond, too shocked to say anything. Sebastian had also told him about the true reason he was such a jerk in high school; like Kurt, he had been mercilessly tormented in middle school. It was hard for Kurt to picture someone like Sebastian getting shoved into lockers, but he knew by the way his hands shook that he wasn’t exaggerating.

Kurt had shared a few of his own horrors that night. He talked about Karofsky and how awful McKinley had been for him before Glee Club and Mr. Schuster. He even told him about the kiss and how awful he had felt knowing his first kiss was given to someone who didn’t deserve it. Sebastian seemed to empathize with that, but Kurt wasn’t going to ask.

After their confessions, even though Sebastian only slept in Kurt’s bed if the nightmares were too much, they slept together in Kurt’s bed, feeling as if something had been made right in the world by voicing the wrongs that had been done to them.

But despite all of that; despite all the bad things that had happened to them, good things were beginning to come their way. Even the little things, like the fact that today was a school-free, homework-free, work-free Sunday.

“I’m going to sleep all day,” Sebastian mumbled into his pillow, his face creased on one side from a fold in the pillow laying against it all night.

Kurt mumbled an agreement. “Wake me when it’s Monday. Oh wait, don’t. We have the whole week off. Thanksgiving break is the universe’s gift to college students.”

Sebastian grunted in response as he slapped at the floor for his cell phone. Kurt, who had earned the status of freaking awesome, had braved his apartment two weeks ago and gotten all of the essentials. His clothes, his phone, his school books, and even the pictures he had saved from when he went to Dalton. Kurt had even hung up one of their pictures from Nationals next to one of the many pictures Rachel had. 

He knew it was cheesy, but to finally see his stuff littering the apartment made him feel like he wasn’t just passing through. Like he belonged here. 

“When are we heading to Ohio?”

Kurt shrugged. “Wednesday morning. I don’t remember the exact time, but I do remember that it was too early. Like six in the morning or something equally insane.”

Sebastian laughed at the thought of Kurt being up that early. Seb wasn’t a morning person, but Kurt took the cake. He couldn’t produce coherent thoughts in the morning pre-coffee. It was kind of comical.

“Shut up, meerkat. You won’t think it’s so funny when you’re up at that hour either.”

“I know. But just the thought of you up that early Princess…”

Kurt blindly swatted at Sebastian’s shoulder.

Something crashed in the kitchen followed by Rachel swearing under her breath. Sebastian laughed. “Looks like Berry is attempting to assemble breakfast. Should we go put her out of her misery?”

Kurt mumbled inaudibly, but Sebastian got the gist. He’d make coffee while he helped Rachel and summon Kurt once the coffee had brewed. It was in the whole apartment’s best interest for the coffee to be ready before Kurt was dragged out of bed. He was a morning monster on weekends.

Sebastian rolled off of the bed and cringed when his sleep warm body met the cold morning air. Oh, how thankful he was that he was not sleeping on the floor as regularly. Sometimes, when he’d had a great day, he would sleep on the couch, but he liked the floor in Kurt’s bedroom better. Especially now that he had an air mattress Rachel had found in the lost and found at the Funny Girl set. He wasn’t sure how long it had been there, but judging by the fact that it was brand new, someone would be missing it. But he didn’t have the heart, or the kindness, required to return it.

“Oh, good, Kurt, I can’t figure out-” She turned around and gave a faint smile. “Oh, sorry. Morning Sebastian.”

“Morning,” he yawned and stretched his arms over his head in what Kurt claimed to be a move that made him look like a cat. “What are you making?”

“One of those healthy muffin things in Kurt’s recipe box.” She glanced sadly at the dark yellow mix on the counter, her usual magniloquence eliminated by the prospect of cooking. “Well, at least I was trying to.”

“Can I help?” He hadn’t known how to cook at all when he came to NYADA, but he had learned quickly that to survive in NYC, you had to possess the ability to prepare your own food.

She shrugged. “Sure.”

There was no question in his mind that she was still getting used to him being here, and him not being a pretentious jerk. But he could tell she was making an effort. He didn’t deserve it, but they were giving it to him. And he sure as hell wasn’t going to screw it up. He pushed up the sleeves of his hoodie. “So, where did you leave off?”

“Right here…” She grabbed the recipe card and showed him. Thankfully, he actually knew what to do. After spending enough time in the kitchen with Kurt, he now understood almost all the cooking terminology. 

“Alright, so that means…”

After remembering to start the coffee maker, he went back to focusing on the muffins. They were basically a fancier and healthier version of corn muffins. Pretty easy to make and hard to screw up. 

The only part he couldn’t seem to get down was pouring the mix into the muffin pan without some splattering along the outsides of the pan. After three attempts, he gave up and called in Kurt.

“Coffee’s ready!” He yelled. Rachel was already pouring herself a cup. 

He heard another of Princess’s eloquent mumbles before the sound of begrudging footsteps echoed through the apartment. 

Kurt showed up with his hair somewhat combed through, most likely with his fingers. Sebastian realized he probably appeared to have genetic ties to Albert Einstein based on his own mane. 

Kurt’s usually bright and sharp eyes were dragged down with post-sleep tiredness and his robe tied tight around his waist. He looked like a completely different person in the morning. 

He poured two cups and handed one to Kurt. “So much for beauty sleep, Princess.”

“Shut it, meerkat,” he stated before downing half the cup in a single breath. He noticed the state of the kitchen. “What did you two do?”

Rachel grimaced. “I attempted to make breakfast. Next time I’ll just wait until you wake up.”

Kurt finished his coffee before effortlessly pouring the batter into the muffin cups, turning the oven on, putting them in, setting a timer, and beginning to clean up the kitchen. He was a model of efficiency. 

“How did you two get batter _on the cabinets?”_ Kurt exclaimed.

Rachel opened her mouth to say something but closed it just as fast. Sebastian had the feeling she caught herself before vocally blaming him.

“You know what,” Kurt wiped it off with a kitchen rag, “don’t tell me. I’m better off not knowing.”

Rachel and Sebastian went to work cleaning up and exchanged a small smile every time Kurt made an exclamation about their inept kitchen skills.

“So, what are you doing today, Rachel?” Kurt asked once they’d finished and a pleasant smell was steadily filling the apartment. They were seated at the table, replenished coffee mugs gripped tight to warm their cold fingers.

She lit up visibly. “Well, we have a cast meeting tonight, luckily no shows today though, so I’m going to spend the day with some of my friends from on set. You two should come! They already know you, Kurt, and I’m sure you would fit right in.” She motioned to Sebastian and smiled expectantly.

Kurt grimaced. “I’m not sure. I really wanted to relax today. But maybe we could meet you all for dinner somewhere.”

Rachel deflated, but regained her composure and smiled. “Sure! 7 at that cute little Thai place near Johnny’s Diner?”

“Sure. Bas?”

Sebastian nodded and tried to hide his swelling fear of being around a dozen Rachel Berrys in a confined space. He hid it well at school, especially when he was around Kurt, but large groups made him lose it. His chest would get tight and his eyes would get unfocused and dart back and forth. But he made eye contact with Rachel, and for the first time since he had gotten there, he could see in her eyes that she _genuinely_ wanted to be around him. There was no way he could say no. “Why not?”

She clapped excitedly. “Yay! I’ll let everyone know! Kurt, call me when the muffins are done!” She scampered off without another word to her room, already talking to someone as she closed her curtain.

“Why do I have the feeling I just did something I’m going to regret?” Sebastian asked as Kurt shot him a smirk.

“Because we probably will. I’ve shielded you from the full train wreck of acquaintances Rachel keeps. Tonight, nothing is hidden.”

Sebastian blanched. “But she brought like twenty people over that one time. How many friends does she have?”

Kurt laughed. “You’ll see. And Sebastian, it was only ten.”

He swore under his breath. “If I die tonight, I’m pinning it all on you.”

“You agreed to it.”

“You didn’t warn me.”

Kurt smiled in response before heading off to brush his teeth. “It’s ironic that after everything you’ve survived you’re scared of a few of Rachel’s friends.”

Sebastian shrugged. “What can I say? I’ve spent enough time with crazy people to last me a lifetime. Not to mention that I’m stuck living with you two. Princess, between you and Berry it’s a wonder I don’t sit in a corner and drool on myself.”

Kurt reappeared waving his toothbrush threateningly. “Coming from the King of narcissism. You’re just as off-kilter as the rest of us.”

Sebastian stuck his tongue out and went back to drinking his coffee.

Today was going to be freakin’ peachy.

-

“I am _not_ wearing that!”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “Sebastian, it goes perfectly with that shirt!’

“And a tutu would go well with these pants, but I’m going to wear that either!”

“Sebastian, you’re acting like I’m trying to make you wear a tiara. It’s only a _scarf.”_

“A very gay one at that.”

“In case you missed it, _you’re gay.”_ Kurt held it out. It was black, and Sebastian wasn’t going to deny that it matched what he was wearing. But it was a scarf. “Come on. At least try it on. You know I won’t let you leave this apartment if it looks bad.”

He opened his mouth to make a sarcastic quip, but seeing the dangerous glint in Kurt’s eyes, he resigned and let Kurt wrap it around his neck. Sparks shot down his spine as Kurt flitted with it, his fingers constantly brushing his bare neck as he repositioned the fabric.

“There.” Kurt stepped back, his arms crossing as his scrutinizing gaze slid up and down Sebastian’s frame. He couldn’t help feel a bit self-conscious, even though he knew the only thing Kurt was looking at was his clothes. Kurt’s face broke into a smile. “Perfect. You look fabulous. And at your personal request, as not gay as possible with that stupid meerkat smirk.”

“Aw, thanks, Princess, I feel so loved.”

“Don’t push it. You’re lucky I didn’t let you walk out of here in that awful sweater. That thing is old, dingy, and on top of that, it’s a _hoodie.”_

“I got it like two years ago! It’s not that old. The letters are a little faded, and yeah, there’s a huge grass stain on the right elbow, but we’re going to a Thai restaurant. Not dinner with the president.”

Kurt rolled his eyes and adjusted his own clothes; a pair of black skinny jeans, a white sweater, and a baby blue scarf. His hair was annoyingly perfect. Sebastian had been attempting to remove a whole day’s worth of bedhead while Kurt had done his, and it took him three strokes of a comb to get it perfect while it took Sebastian twenty minutes. “Sebastian. We are going out to dinner with people who I hope to work with one day. A hoodie will not cut it.”

“You still want to be on Broadway? I pinned you for someone to start a talk show. You could call it ‘How to Be Gay with Kurt Hummel.’”

“Once again, hypocrisy.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes and checked the time on Kurt’s phone. “We should probably head out. If we want to get there five minutes early so we can get a table big enough.”

“Alright,” Kurt pocketed his phone and adjusted his already perfect hair. “Come on, meerkat. We have to make sure we find a taxi big enough to fit your ego.”

Sebastian grinned and opened the door before mockingly bowing. “After you, Princess.”

-

“Rachel. _Are you kidding me?”_

“Kurt! It’s not my fault! The producer just called like ten minutes ago. There was no way around it!”

Sebastian smiled as Kurt’s tone gained hostility without gaining volume. “I dragged both of us out here, to a restaurant neither of us can afford, paid for a taxi, and even convinced Sebastian to dress like someone who didn’t dwell under a bridge in Louisiana, and _none of you are coming anymore?”_

“If you two want to find something to do for an hour or two…”

“I’m not in the mood to roam the city in the 3-degree weather for hours. We’ll just eat and meet you back at the apartment.” He took a deep breath and let it out. As mad as he was at Rachel for not calling him the minute she found out she couldn’t come, he knew it wasn’t her fault. Besides, if he didn’t relax, he’d get kicked out of the eatery. Two of the wide-eyed Asian waitresses were already glancing at him wearily. “Sorry. I’ll see you tonight.”

“See you tonight. Tell Seb I said I’m sorry.”

“Sure. Bye.” He hung up and pocketed his phone.

Kurt waved at a waitress before turning to Sebastian. “So. It looks like it’s just you and I.”

“Yep,” he rubbed the back of his neck.

“We could always just go back to the apartment and order carry out if that’s what you want-”

“No.” Kurt raised an eyebrow and Sebastian tried to save himself. “I mean, we’re already out here. Might as well eat something besides pizza and Chinese.”

Kurt grinned as the waitress walked over and led them to a small corner booth in the back. They ordered their beverages as soon as they were seated, Sebastian already glancing at the menu.

“I’ll be right back with your drinks,” the waitress murmured under her breath before rushing off to another table, leaving Kurt wondering why she couldn’t wait another half minute so they could order their food as well. 

“Have you ever been here before?” Bas asked. Half of the menu was in Thai and he was most certainly lost.

“Yeah, just order number 7, it’s fantastic.” Kurt bit his lip and looked at other tables. “Actually, the portions here are huge anyway. Want to just split one?”

Sebastian could feel his neck getting all splotchy as it turned the color of the benches littering the brightly colored restaurant. “Sure. I’m not that hungry anyway.”

Kurt realized his error. “Sebastian…”

“I’m fine. Just because I don’t eat three plates of food at every meal doesn’t mean something’s wrong with me.”

“Bas, you know that’s not what I mean. It’s just… you’ve lost so much weight.”

“Well I’m sorry that you like me looking like a fat cow, but I’m not going to beef up just because you think I have some sort of food problem. I’m not a teenaged girl, Kurt; I love how I look.”

Kurt felt like blurting it all. _You’ve been starving yourself! You eat one meal a day, and when you eat, it’s such a small amount even Rachel cringes! You’ve lost at least twenty pounds and there wasn’t much to lose in the first place! I love you, you dumb ass, and I’m sorry that I don’t want anyone else to hurt you! Even if it’s you!_ “Bas. Please.”

“Please what?”

He shook his head dejectedly and waved his hand through the air in a sweeping motion. “Just forget about it. Let’s talk about something else.”

“Fine.”

But neither of them could think of anything. Both had so much to say, but nothing they could say to the other. 

All Kurt wanted to do was tell him to eat and that he was beautiful and perfect just the way he was, even if he had an ego the size to the Rockefeller Building and all his compliments did were add fuel to the flame. 

All Sebastian could think of saying was some sort of excuse as to his new eating habits. Sure, Kurt had let him live with him, but that didn’t excuse him digging in Sebastian’s business. He had thanked him-

Wait. He had to have said it… But he couldn’t recall the words ever leaving his mouth. He had thought them so many times, but he had never vocalized his thankfulness for \ Kurt for saving him from Danny. Yes, living with His Royal Shrillness was a pain in the ass on occasion, but Kurt had done the unbelievable. He had taken someone who had hated him, tormented him, and not only rescued him from an abuse fiancé but let him live with them.

Sebastian couldn’t think of how to say it. He knew he needed to, he was ashamed he hadn’t already, but it would be awkward just to blurt it out. Well, it couldn’t get more awkward then it was right now. And he was so embarrassed and ashamed that he hadn’t already said something.

So he decided to just go for it. “Listen, Kurt, I know this is a bit late. Okay, like a whole month late,” Sebastian swallowed his pride and looked him in the eyes. “But thanks. For everything. You’ve done so much for me, and I never did anything to deserve it. I was a jerk, okay, I still am, but I was an even bigger jerk back then, and I hurt you so many times. But even after all that, you saved me from Danny and let me freaking live with you.

“You deal with all of the problems, even though I deny having most of them. You never complain when I wake you up in the middle of the night, when you have to take me to those awful therapy sessions, when I have a stupid check-up or even when I break down and start crying like a baby all over one of your glamorous sweaters. You’ve been there for me during all of this, and you haven’t complained once even though I’ve made it my mission to whine hourly. I know it may not seem like it, but I’m so grateful and… I just wanted to say thanks. So, yeah.”

Kurt’s eyes were wide, their bright blue glassy, but not enough so that he looked like he was going to start crying. He knew he was gaping, and that it was rude, but he couldn’t help it. Sebastian Smythe was saying thank you. 

He raised an eyebrow when the other boy didn’t respond. Maybe he had gone too far. “Kurt?”

He pulled himself from his reverie. “You’re welcome.”

Sebastian smiled. “Good. Now that that’s out of the way, how do you feel about egg rolls? I’ve never had one and they look good…”


	16. Fireworks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings at the end of the chapter because they contain spoilers.

Sebastian had made an effort to eat, but every bite sat in his stomach like a brick and in the end, he only managed a third of what Kurt put away. Even with the egg roll. But it was enough to convince Kurt he’d made progress. Yeah right.

His mind was screwed up when it came to food and he knew it. When he threw up last night, his first thought hadn’t been embarrassment over vomiting in front of Kurt or that it was disgusting, but that those were all calories he wasn’t going to digest.

He had made himself retch before, but only a few times. He did it after a particularly bad binge and did it in the shower so the running water covered it up. He wasn’t proud, and he knew he should find a problem with his new habits, but every time he looked down at his shrinking waist or saw less of himself in the mirror, he felt ecstatic. 

He couldn’t keep this up though. Eventually, he would have to settle for an okay weight. He could see Kurt’s happiness draining the longer his diet went on. Whenever he saw a peek of Sebastian’s increasingly slim physique, his face would pale a shade lighter and he would beg him to do something involving food. Like tonight. 

Sebastian was positive the only reason Kurt had agreed to dinner with Rachel and her friends was that he would be able to guilt him into eating.

Kurt touched his hand and glanced worriedly. “Bas?”

Sebastian offered a soft smirk. “Sorry, I was thinking. Were you saying something?”

“Yeah.” Kurt messed with his scarf before checking the time on his phone. “It wasn’t important though. Are you ready to go home? Even though it’s only half past eight, I’m tired.”

“Sure.” Sebastian was anxious to get home. He was disgusted by how much he ate. 

“We’ll take the bill please,” Kurt yelled somewhat politely at their waitress who had been eyeing them a few minutes earlier when Sebastian had made his confession. He had been a little louder than Kurt had expected.

“I have to use the bathroom,” Sebastian mumbled as he slid out of the booth and disappeared behind a wall of strands of beads.

She handed Kurt the check with a small smile. “Are you two together?” She had cherry red glasses and seemed to be in her late twenties, early thirties. Her small frame made her seem even younger though.

The question took Kurt by surprise and his cheeks went burgundy. “Oh, uh, no. No, we’re just friends.”

She laughed. “Oh, honey. He loves you, you love him. Even I can see that. You should tell him.”

Kurt gaped at her bluntness.

She smiled and pushed the check toward him. “You only get someone perfect for you, someone like him, once in your whole life. Don’t throw something like that away because you’re scared that he’ll say no. I got lucky. The man I said no to”- she messed with her engagement ring absently- “he came back only two years later and said he loved me. He moved back from California without knowing whether I would say yes because he knew we belonged together.”

Kurt smiled at the story which seemed to encourage her to go on.

“You know you love him. I can tell he feels the same way. So don’t let him move to California because of your pride or whatever is keeping you from dating him. Besides, if nothing else, he’s cute.”

Kurt laughed at that. She had him there. There was no question as to why Sebastian turned heads; he was undeniably attractive. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome, sweetie. Just promise to give me an extra tip and not report my skills as a love doctor to my boss. They might accuse me of mingling with the customers’ personal lives.”

“I won’t.”

“Come back and see us soon! And let me know how things go with him! I work all Saturdays.”

“I’ll be back.”

Maybe she was right, maybe he should tell him. 

He smiled like an idiot to himself as he thought of ways to tell Bas. If she was right, and she appeared to be, then he had nothing to worry about. Well, besides the fact that Sebastian’s most recent romantic relationship hadn’t ended too well. 

Maybe he shouldn’t do anything. If Sebastian felt the same way, wouldn’t he ask eventually? Why did Kurt have to be the one who put himself out there?

Because he knew he felt something for him, and even if it turned out to not be love, he couldn’t deny the electric shocks that coursed through his body every time he touched the other boy.

Sebastian finally emerged from behind the curtain of beads, his hands shoved into his pockets. His face was pale and Kurt wanted to bang his head against a wall. He should have figured out why Sebastian went to the bathroom _right after the meal._

Kurt had known Sebastian was getting worse, but he didn’t think he had bulimia. 

Maybe he was overreacting. Maybe Sebastian just looked pale because something had shaken him up in the bathroom. He had to stop assuming the worst; he had to stop mothering and relax.

“Do you have any gum or mints?” He asked as he slid back into his seat and Kurt finished dealing with the check. “My breath is disgusting from whatever was in that stuff.”

Kurt felt his heart skip a beat. He knew what this was. Sebastian had made himself sick and was trying to cover up the most obvious evidence; his breath. “No. Sorry.”

Sebastian grimaced and dragged a hand over his face. “S’okay. Ready to go?”

Kurt nodded and stood up. “Sure.” With a wave to their waitress, who winked at Kurt once Sebastian was already out the door, they stepped out into the freezing New York City air, its biting gusts hitting them like a wave.

It took them a few minutes to catch a taxi, and by the time they climbed onto the stinky leather seats, they were both shivering.

Kurt became alarmed though when Sebastian didn’t stop after a minute in the decently warm taxi. 

“You okay?”

Sebastian nodded. “Just cold.”

Kurt didn’t want to acknowledge it, but he knew it was because of his weight. He tried to school his expression from 'oh my God' to 'that’s weird.' “Bas, you shouldn’t be that cold.”

Sebastian didn’t respond. He just wrapped his arms around himself and tried to still his body and stop the shaking. For the first time since he can remember, he was shaking from the pure cold, not fear.

By the time they reached the apartment, a full ten minutes later, Kurt was worried. Bas’s shivering had stopped halfway through the ride, but it shouldn’t have lasted that long in the first place. Kurt had to stop himself from wrapping his arms around his shoulders to warm him up. 

Kurt changed into his pajamas, same with Sebastian, and as they were brushing their teeth, Kurt couldn’t control himself. He needed to know.

“Bas, you know I would never judge you, or anything stupid like that, right?”

He nodded but didn’t respond verbally due to the serious cleaning of his oral cavity he was executing. Kurt could tell he was brushing harder than usual; probably to try and erase the smell of vomit from his breath.

“So, if I asked you a question, one that I’m not sure you’re going to want to answer, will you at least try to tell me the truth?”

He raised an eyebrow and Kurt gave up on discretion and decided to blurt it out.

“Did you make yourself sick after dinner?”

Sebastian’s eyes widened slightly before he plastered on a neutral mask. “I’m fine.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

“So what if I did?”

“Bas-”

“I’m sorry that the fact that I’ve lost weight bothers you, but I need to! I was huge, Kurt.”

He shook his head and placed a hand on Seb’s arm, his attempt at brushing his own teeth forgotten. “You were never huge. You weren’t even close. Sebastian, please, I’m begging you to look in the mirror and see how skinny you look. I know that you don’t think anything’s wrong, but you don’t need to do this to yourself. It’s not healthy, and I can’t just sit by and watch you slowly kill yourself!”

“Then don’t watch.” Sebastian felt the chill roll down his spine at the thought of ending his own life but kept his face neutral.

With that, Sebastian ran out of the bathroom, desperate to get away from Kurt’s pleading eyes and too true words. Kurt ran in the other direction, closing the curtain to his bedroom before turning on blaring music.

While Kurt tried to think of ways to fix whatever he had torn between them, Sebastian thought of how truly messed up all of this was. He was destroying everything. Why did Kurt even keep him around anymore? It had been at least a month and all he had accomplished was making Kurt worry. 

Kurt would be better off without him. 

He cringed. Now that he thought about; there wasn’t anyone in his life who wouldn’t be better off without him.

Sebastian has thought about it before; ending his own life had been an all too common thought when he was in high school. There had been too many nights when he would lie there, just picturing how he could end his life. Would he take pills? Would he cut his wrists until the crimson liquid drained just enough for him to slip into the abyss? Would he drown himself like that guy on the swim team in middle school? Would he jump off one of the many bridges overlooking the dark, swirling waters surrounding the city?

But every time he almost got up the nerve to do it, he would picture Kurt’s face when he found him. The pain and anger etched across his features were too much for Sebastian to handle, so he would close his eyes and try to sleep. The thoughts wouldn’t go away, but he would lose his will to act on them.

He looked at the door in front of him. He could leave and jump off a bridge and save Kurt from the pain of finding him here. He was ruining Kurt’s life. He always had some sort of problem; nightmares, panic attacks, random breakdowns, and now, eating disorders. What else could he do to screw up? Start doing drugs? Cut himself? Get into petty crimes?

No. This had to end now. He couldn’t do this to Kurt anymore. He cared for him too much to make him suffer any longer. He needed to be able to sleep and live without worrying about Sebastian.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered before grabbing a pad of paper from the counter and a pen. If he was going to leave, there was no way he was going to leave as an ungrateful asshole.

_Kurt,_

__

_I swear to whatever the hell is up there that I tried not to be a screw-up. But as what seems to be a pattern with me, I failed._

__

_I can’t do this anymore. I can’t cause the only person to ever try and help me so much pain. You’ll never admit it, but I know the reason you put music on in your room is so other people don’t get to hear you cry. I know you’re crying for me right now. You shouldn’t. I’m not worth it._

He was crying now too. He hadn’t been positive about what he was going to do if he left before, live on the streets maybe, but now he realized the only solution was to truly disappear. To cease to exist. And if he was going to finally do it, he had to come completely clean.

_I hate these super emotional confessions, but since I’ll never see you again, I guess I can afford one. I love you, Kurt, God, I love you so much. I know you deserve someone better, someone without so many problems, someone who won’t cause you more pain than happiness. That’s why I never told you. But I figured I should get it off of my chest._

__

_Please don’t look for me. No one will be able to find me._

__

_Thank you so much, for everything._

__

_~Sebastian_

He ripped it off the sheet, folded it, and placed it in the key bowl. That way he knew Kurt wouldn’t see it until the morning. Until he was truly gone.

He glanced around the apartment one last time and slipped his coat on. The coat Kurt bought him. God, he had to stop. If he got too emotional or sentimental he wouldn’t go through with it. Besides, it also wasn’t helping the tears pouring down his face. 

He looked at the curtain separating Kurt from him. He had his playlist blaring. As some 80s hit wrapped up, he realized he knew the next song. Not only did he know it, but it was freaking spot on with how he was feeling. He didn’t even realize he was singing along until his own raspy voice registered in his ears. He sounded horrible. Well, that tended to be the case when you were crying.

_Wish I could be the one_

__

_The one who could give you love_

__

_The kind of love you really need_

__

_Wish I could say to you_

__

_That I'll always stay with you_

__

_But baby that's not me_

__

_You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you_

__

_Promise you forever, baby that's something I can't do_

He laughed as he realized it was like some cheesy musical Kurt would love. This would probably be the part where he cried and gripped his pillow like it was going to help him. Sebastian realized he would never get to attempt to calm him after an emotional movie again. He would never have to turn the volume up because he couldn’t hear the dialogue over Kurt’s bubbling sobs.

He was stalling and he knew it. He just had to get it over with.

“Just be a man and leave,” he told himself. “It’s still going to hurt.”

He opened the door, looked back one last time at the curtain separating him from Kurt and finally dared to walk out.

Halfway down the hallway, he ran into Rachel.

“Where are you going?” She asked, completely unaware of what was going on.

“Just felt like going for a walk. Needed some fresh air.”

“They’re having a firework show at the Brooklyn Bridge if you want to go see it. It only a mile or two from here. I go there for fresh air sometimes.” She finally noticed the tears staining his face. “Are you okay?”

He smiled and nodded. “I will be. Thanks.”

She frowned but continued down the hall. “Sure.”

_Oh I could say that I'll be all you need_

__

_But that would be a lie_

__

_I know I'd only hurt you_

__

_I know I'd only make you cry_

__

He realized he didn’t have any money and would have to walk to the bridge. Oh well. He could appreciate the beauty of the city one last time.

__

_I'm not the one you're needing_

__

_I love you, goodbye_

He was surprised by how calm he was now that he knew what he was going to do. He was crying, but it wasn’t over his last hour, it was the fact that he knew Kurt was going to be crushed. But it was for the best. Kurt didn’t realize it yet, but he needed someone better than Sebastian. Someone who could give him everything he deserved.

_I hope someday you can_

__

_Find some way to understand I'm only doing this for you_

__

_I don't really wanna go_

__

_But deep in my heart I know this is the kindest thing to do_

He had broken into a run. It was cold and the air whipped his face, but he couldn’t walk. He wanted to see the fireworks before he left. They would be bright and happy; everything he wasn’t. 

They would also distract anyone from trying to stop him.

_You'll find someone who'll be the one that I could never be_

__

_Who'll give you something better_

__

_Than the love, you'll find with me_

“Hey Kurt,” Rachel finally dared to say. She had left him alone since she had arrived back at the apartment. She could tell something had gone down between him and Sebastian, and that it had been serious, and she was worried.

She peeked her head into his room and wasn’t surprised to find him with his knees to his chest, and tears trailing down his face. “Hey. What happened?”

He turned the music down. “Nothing really. I confronted Sebastian about something and it didn’t go too well.”

“What do you mean?”

He wiped his eyes. “I said something about how little he was eating and he spewed some garbage about him being overweight. So I told him I didn’t want to watch him die slowly, and he said that I didn’t have to watch.”

She paled. That wasn’t good. “Well, I think you might have gotten something through to him. He seemed pretty upset when I passed him ten minutes ago.”

Kurt raised an eyebrow. He had assumed Sebastian was just sulking in the kitchen. “Where did you pass him?”

“He said he was going on a walk to see the fireworks at the Brooklyn Bridge.”

Kurt couldn’t pinpoint it, but something wasn’t right.

_Oh I could say that I'll be all you need_

__

_But that would be a crime_

__

_I know I'd only hurt you_

__

_I know I'd only make you cry_

__

_I'm not the one you're needing_

__

_I love you, goodbye_

Sebastian’s face was numb. Even though there was a large crowd surrounding him, warm bodies pressing into him from all sides, he was still freezing.

The fireworks were huge. His neck was craning to see them, their bright colors ranging from light blue to hot pink to a dark yellow. Sparks cascaded down from above, seemingly getting close before fizzling out. 

Even the bright colors and extravagant shapes weren’t brightening his mood as much as he had hoped. He didn’t want to die sad; if he was going to die, he wanted to be happy.

But the only thing that made him truly happy was back at the apartment.

_Leaving someone when you love someone_

__

_Is the hardest thing to do_

__

_When you love someone as much as I love you_

“Rachel, we have to go find him,” Kurt stated. He wiped his face one last time before pulling himself out of his funk and heading for the kitchen.

He pulled on his jacket and went to grab the keys to the apartment. He felt his heart stop when his fingers brushed a note.

“Rachel, did you put this here?”

She shook her head. “Who’s it from?”

Kurt unfolded it and felt his heart sinking down further and further with each word he processed. “Rachel, we have to find him.” His voice was shaky and his fingers were losing their ability to grip the paper. 

“What is it?”

“Something’s wrong.” He grabbed the keys and ran out of the room, leaving a dumbstruck Rachel in his path.

_Oh I don't wanna leave you_

__

_Baby, it tears me up inside_

__

_But I'll never be the one you're needing_

__

_I love you, goodbye_

He had climbed over the railing, the dark night sky above him and the black, crashing waters below him. No one had noticed him since the fireworks were still bursting above his head. He could find a little bit of happiness in them now. They were helping him.

Tears were still rolling down his cheeks. He thought after crying for at least a half hour that they would have dried up. No such luck. 

“Sebastian!” He heard a familiar voice scream. This was it. He had to do it now. Kurt would try to stop him.

_Baby, it’s never gonna work out_

__

__

_I love you, goodbye_

“I’m sorry, Kurt.” He whispered.

Sebastian spread his arms, stepped to the edge, closed his eyes, and leaned forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for self-harm/suicide.


	17. First

Kurt dove forward and grabbed the back of Sebastian’s jacket, his heart completely still until he felt his legs press against the concrete ledge, confirming that he was anchored and they were both safe. 

He couldn’t process what his eyes said was in front of him. He couldn’t believe Sebastian had tried this.

“Let me go, please, just let go,” he heard someone whisper. Kurt looked up to see green eyes pleading with his. 

“No.” Kurt latched onto Sebastian’s arm with his other hand and pulled him against the concrete wall so he could wrap his arms around his shoulders and remind himself he was still there. “You’re such an idiot,” he murmured against his collarbone, tears soaking Sebastian’s shirt as he thought through the event of the last hour. How if Rachel hadn’t found that note… “Don’t you ever try anything like that again.”

“Kurt-”

“No. You’re going to climb up here right now, and we’re going home. Then we’ll talk about this.”

Sebastian’s eyes dulled and he shook his head. “No. I can’t do this anymore! All I do is cause problems. Kurt, you deserve to have a normal life, not to have to worry about me every second of the day. Please, just let me go.” He was weakly pushing at Kurt’s chest to try and free himself from the steel hold Kurt had across his shoulders, but it wasn’t helping.

“No.” Kurt let go of his shoulders and tightening his hold over one of Sebastian’s biceps, helped pull him back over the wall. His heart finally began to pump again and his lungs remembered how to work.

“Why can’t you just let me go?” Sebastian whispered, his body trembling as he realized he was going to have to keep living. Not only was he stuck here, but now he had lost Kurt too. There was no way Kurt was going to let him stay now that he realized he was even crazier than he originally thought.

Kurt couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t hold back how he truly felt; he was done lying to himself. He placed both of his hands along the sides of Sebastian’s face, his thumbs dragging across the faint throws of freckles. He closed his eyes, leaned forward, pressing his lips to the other boy’s.

It would be an understatement to say that sparks flew up and down his spine. His whole body was like a burning torch and his lips were the fuel. It was a soft kiss, sweet and gentle yet filled with so much emotion Kurt felt like it was heated. He had felt sparks every time he kissed Blaine, but nothing like this. Sebastian tasted like cinnamon and salt, and faintly, like Thai food. 

Sebastian’s hands grabbed onto Kurt’s wrists and he deepened it, their lips sliding in such a way that everything around them disappeared. The loud crackling of fireworks was gone; the hoots and rude gabs from people around them blatantly ignored. In that moment all Kurt could think about was that he was freaking _kissing Sebastian and oh god, it was perfect._

He pulled away and dared to open his eyes, his heart racing too fast and his eyes too wide.

Sebastian’s eyes were large and his hands shakily still holding Kurt’s wrists. He was looking down at their hands instead of at Kurt. He looked like he was trying to say something but he couldn’t put it into words.

So Kurt did. “This is not the time, and I know you don’t need this, you might not even want it, but-”

“I do. I want this so bad, Kurt.”

He smiled and pulled Sebastian against him. “Good. Then let’s go home.”

 

The taxi ride back had been hard.

Even though all Kurt wanted to think about was the fact that he had gotten to kiss Sebastian, he had to think of a way to talk about the other thing that had happened at the bridge. 

He had no idea Sebastian was that bad. He had known Sebastian’s mind was completely screwed up, but he hadn’t thought suicide was even an idea. His mind wasn’t ready to wrap around the idea that Sebastian had wanted to dive into the water off of the Brooklyn Bridge rather than face another day. 

One of the things he didn’t understand fully though was why. What was so bad in his life that he wanted to end it? Was it the memories he was dragging along with him from his time with Danny? Was it something else from his past? Was it anything that had to do with Kurt?

He had thought he finally had some small part of Sebastian figured out, but like before, he had the feeling Sebastian still had one of his masks firmly in place. He just had to figure out what he was masking, and if he could, why.

When they had gotten back to the apartment, Rachel had been pacing by the door, her phone tightly closed in her fist.

She rushed over to them and hugged Kurt, looking Sebastian over for a sign of what went down between them. His face gave away nothing. “What happened?”

Sebastian sprinted for the bedroom leaving Kurt to try and explain. He couldn’t face either of them right now. 

Rachel felt her stomach clench, hoping it wasn’t something she said. “Kurt? Is he okay?”

Kurt finally let all of the emotions hit him, his strong front he had been holding onto for Sebastian cracking like a China doll. His eyes began to burn. “No. Rachel…” His voice was shaking, just like his hands. “H-He… Rachel, he was going to jump. If I hadn’t gotten there in time…”

Rachel gasped and felt her heart drop out of its socket. “Do you mean…”

Kurt wouldn’t let her finish. He would shatter otherwise. “Yes.”

Both of them stood there, quiet on the outside, minds racing a mile a minute internally.

Rachel hadn’t realized how much she had grown to… like Sebastian. She hadn’t ever thought about anything like this happening to him before, but if she did, only a few weeks ago she wouldn’t have truly cared. It was cruel and wrong and it made her question how horrible of a person she was, but it was the truth. 

She didn’t possess the kindness Kurt did; she could hold a grudge for a lifetime. She had been holding onto hers before Sebastian had come to stay with them. She wasn’t sure, but she doubted she would have offered him a home like Kurt did. 

A rolling pit formed in her stomach as she realized how wrong her thoughts were. She was horrible.

“Rachel?” 

Kurt’s voice pulled her out of her reverie. “Hmm?”

“This isn’t your fault.”

“Kurt, I should have been nicer to him-”

“Rachel. I don’t think his thoughts while he stood there were ‘Rachel hates me.’’”

“It didn’t help.”

Kurt wiped his eyes and tried to compose himself. “None of this is your fault. If you want to blame someone, blame Danny.”

She didn’t know what to say, so she just offered a brief smile before strolling towards her room. Kurt knew she needed time to process and she wouldn’t want to do so in front of him. Usually, he would have gone after her and tried to offer comfort, but there was someone who needed to feel loved more than Rachel.

He took a deep breath, wiped his eyes one last time and headed for his room. 

He listened for any telltale noise before slipping past the curtain and into the room.

Sebastian was laying on his side on the floor, his body curled tightly to protect him from the cold apartment air. He had already gotten ready for bed, his bare limbs covered in goosebumps. He sat up when he saw Kurt and dragged a hand down his face to hide the fact that he had been crying.

“Kurt, I’m so-”

“Don’t,” Kurt whispered. “Don’t apologize. I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at whoever drove you to try something like this.”

Kurt peeled off his clothes and got into his PJs. “Come on. We can talk about it later. You look freezing.” Kurt found one of Finn’s old heavy duty hoodies. Even though the old thing was an insult to fashion, he still wore it on the colder nights. His connection with it was too personal for him to let most people touch it, let alone wear it, but it felt natural to lend it to Sebastian.

Sebastian hesitated momentarily, but took it. Kurt couldn’t read all of his emotions, but one thing he did pick up loud and clear was that he seemed almost afraid of people. Like Kurt was going to lash out and hit him…

It all clicked. “What did he do when you told him?”

Sebastian bit his lip and wrapped his arms around himself. “When I told who what?”

“When you told Danny about your depression.”

His eyes widened and he gaped. “I’m not…”

Kurt shook his head and placed a hand on Sebastian’s arm. Sebastian’s eyes were wide and scared like he was reliving a nightmare.

“No… I’m not- I’m not depressed. I swear I’m fine. I just… I had a bad night. I’m not crazy.”

His body was shaking and he was backing up slowly, subconsciously. Kurt felt his concern grow. “Bas, it’s okay.”

“No! I don’t need pills, I’m okay!”

His back hit the wall and tears began to drip down his cheeks. He slid down the wall and pulled his knees to his chest. “Please. I’m fine.”

“Sebastian, I know.” Kurt knelt in front of him, softly touching his trembling hand. “You’re not crazy. It’s okay.” Kurt wanted to ask about the pills but he figured now wasn’t the time. “Do you want to watch a movie or something before we go to bed?”

He stared blankly at the floor before nodding slightly.

Kurt offered his hand and pulled the other boy to his feet. Sebastian turned to walk out but Kurt grabbed his hand. “Bas, you know you can trust me with anything, right? I will never judge you, and I will sure as hell never hurt you. You know that, right?”

He nodded, but he wouldn’t look Kurt in the eye.

So Kurt gently placed his hand on the side of Sebastian’s face and lifted it until he was looking him in the eyes. “Please Bas. Please trust me. What is it?”

“Nothing,” he whispered, his voice raw. “Can we just watch a movie?”

Kurt grimaced, but he nodded. He brushed his cheekbone with his thumb and dropped his hand. “Yeah.”

Kurt grabbed a blanket and the both of them curled up on the couch. They were sitting close together and Kurt wasn’t shocked when Sebastian tentatively laid his head on Kurt’s shoulder. Kurt lifted his hand and rubbed his arm, his fingers softly running over the goose-pimply skin.

“Kurt?” He asked halfway through a documentary on Animal Planet. 

“Mhm?” Kurt encouraged, surprised to get a word out of him.

Sebastian shifted, his hand that wasn’t tucked between their sides gripping the blanket tight. “Were you serious earlier?”

“About what?”

He licked his lips and nervously shivered. “About not judging.”

Kurt nodded. 

Sebastian opened his mouth, but he couldn’t think of how to word it. Kurt pulled his hand free of the blanket it had been gripping and laced their fingers together, hoping it provided some sort of comfort. Sebastian gathered his courage and taking a deep breath, started to talk.

“My parents never knew. They wouldn’t understand. They called people who tried to kill themselves weak and attention seekers. They told me the world was better off without them. I couldn’t tell them that their son, who was already gay, was also depressed. Besides, I didn’t want to go to an institution. Or have to be on meds, so I hid it.”

“It worked. At least until senior year. I tried to kill myself using my roommate’s painkillers. He caught me and made me puke them up. Luckily, as long as I promised to see the school counselor, he wouldn’t tell my parents. Most of the kids there had problems with theirs as well, so it was kind of an unspoken rule that nothing that happened there was told to the adults. 

“I finally got diagnosed a week into school here. The therapist gave me some sort of pill to take once a day, and it helped. But Danny didn’t like me taking them. He said they made me weak, that a man shouldn’t need to rely on drugs to be happy. So I stopped taking them and hid them under the mattress. One day, after a really bad fight, I swallowed half the bottle and Danny caught me with the almost empty container in my hand. He punched me in the stomach so that I threw them up and then-then…”

Kurt squeezed his hand. “It’s okay. You don’t have to finish. I understand.”

“No. I’m not going to let all the things he did stay dormant any longer. He doesn’t deserve that. He beat me up. By the time he was done, I could barely walk. I had to stay home for days. He told everyone at NYADA that I was sick.” He subconsciously curled closer to Kurt’s side. Kurt pulled his arm out from between them and draped it over his shoulders, like his grasp could protect him from the outside world.

“He can’t get to you anymore. I swear, he will never touch you again.”

Sebastian didn’t reply, just tangled his fingers in Kurt’s shirt and breathed in his scent. His brain was already associating the smell with safety. He knew he shouldn’t get too attached; that Kurt was going to leave once he learned how truly messed up Sebastian was. But he couldn’t bring himself to let go of his shirt or pull away from his comforting touch.

After giving him time to calm, Kurt just had to ask. He needed to know. “Why’d you do it?”

Sebastian shrugged. “I didn’t want to screw everything up anymore.”

Kurt cringed at the answer. “Sebastian, you haven’t screwed anything up. Everything that is screwed up right now; you didn’t do it. It was Danny, or your dad, or fate. But none of it was you.”

“I screwed up your life.”

“Sebastian, I wanted you to. I wanted to help you, and I knew that meant some late nights and days where I would have to neglect school and work. I asked for it. And it’s all worth it. So no, you didn’t screw up my life. You made it better.” Kurt tightened his arm around Sebastian’s thin shoulders. 

For the night, Sebastian would let himself believe it. He would let his mind be fooled into thinking that maybe, just maybe, he and Kurt could be happy together. That they could be normal and happy and everything he wanted. Like in those cheesy movies Kurt loved.

Maybe.

 

Kurt woke up the next morning tangled on the couch, his head on the armrest and a heavy weight on his chest. He looked down and wasn’t surprised to find Sebastian asleep, his head resting on his ribcage.

Kurt fumbled for the remote, glad he had left it within reach. Usually, he would try to squirm out from under the dead weight, but he didn’t think he could without waking him up. Besides, it was Sunday. They had nowhere to be anyway.

He was surprised to discover Sebastian had fallen asleep with a handful of his shirt gripped in his hand. Kurt had picked up that it was one of Bas’ first instincts when he was nervous or scared to latch onto something, but he hadn’t thought he would fall asleep like that. 

“How long is it going to take for you to realize you’re safe?” Kurt whispered to the sleeping figure. He softly stroked his fingers over his bed-mussed hair as he flipped through channels, trying to find something to keep him entertained while he waited for Sebastian to wake up.

He found a made for TV movie finally and settled for the mindless drivel. He was bored to tears within half an hour.

“What time did you two finally go to bed?”

Kurt lifted his head a little to see Rachel strolling towards him, a pink robe wrapped tightly around her waist and her bare feet making popping noises.

“No idea.” He murmured, a yawn taking him over. “Once I calmed him down, Bas was out like a light. Took me a bit longer. You?”

“Midnight at least. I just couldn’t sleep after… you know… I’m surprised you did.”

“I pushed it to the back of my mind I guess,” Kurt realized. He suddenly felt Sebastian’s presence more electrically. The thought that he might not be here had Kurt not found his letter early enough made his mind blink ERROR like a computer screen. He simply couldn’t fathom a world where Sebastian was gone.

“How is he?” She glanced worriedly at his sleeping form as she sat down on the coffee table.

He shrugged. “I can’t say. He admitted he’s been off his medication, but I don’t know how I’m going to get him to start taking it again. He thinks only crazy people are on anti-depressants. Not to mention that Danny beat him bloody last time he took them.”

“He’s been off them for that long?”

“Yeah. I had no idea about any of it. Rachel, what kind of a friend does that make me?”

She frowned. “Kurt, you couldn’t possibly have known unless he told you. Sebastian is an amazing actor. He could hide anything. All you can do is try to help him now that you know.”

“And what does that mean? Hide the razors so he doesn’t slit his wrists while we sleep? Keep all his pills in a lockbox? How can I help him with something this serious?” Kurt gazed down at the body sprawled across his own, smiling at the soft scattering of freckles across the back of Sebastian’s neck. 

“I don’t know.”

“Really insightful, Rachel.”

“What do you want me to say? You know who you need to call about it. Either of them could help you. I’ve never dealt with anything like this.”

Kurt bit his lip. Carole would be the easiest to talk to about it, and he would have to tell his dad at some point. But he also didn’t want his dad to meet Sebastian for the first time with those thoughts in his head. 

“I’ll tell them after Thanksgiving. I don’t want to ruin any of the holiday. For now, I’ll just take him in to his therapist and get him some new meds.”

Rachel nodded in agreement and smiled. “It’s weird to see him so… indifferent. He’s so facially expressive when he’s awake.”

“Look at us, Rachel. We’re like freaking Edward, eyeballing people while they sleep.”

She rolled her eyes and giggled softly. Kurt laughed lightly as well, trying not to move his chest too much. The longer Sebastian slept, the better.

“Are you going to wake him soon so you can get up?”

“I’ll try to pry myself out in half an hour or so. I’m fine.”

“I’ll start the coffee.”

“I would love you so much more then I already do if you brought me some.”

“Fine.”

“You’re fabulous Rachel.”

She winked and touched his arm. “I know.”


	18. To Someone You Are Perfect

“Finally. We were beginning to think you were going to sleep through the whole day.”

Sebastian groaned and buried his face into the couch cushion. “What time is it?”

“Almost eleven.”

Sebastian felt his stomach rumble at the smell of whatever Kurt had prepared for lunch or late breakfast.

He couldn’t believe how long he had slept, or how hungry he was. He shouldn’t have been hungry though; he was hoping his binge at the restaurant the night before would last a few days…

“Come on, breakfast will be ready any minute.”

Sebastian caught himself just before he said ‘not hungry.’ Kurt wouldn’t let him get away with it. He’d have to eat. If he only ate a little bit, he would be fine. You couldn’t gain weight from one tiny binge, right?

“Alright, I’ll be right there.”

He stretched his sore muscles before padding toward the bathroom, his palm digging into his eye to try and clear it of the fog of sleep.

He locked the door before daring to look up in the mirror. 

He looked like hell.

His eyes were bloodshot, his hair was disastrous, and his stomach was bloated from all the food he had eaten. He looked disgusting. 

He brushed his teeth and tried to push everything that had occurred the night before to the back of his mind. Now wasn’t the time to think of things like that. He was still here and dwelling on the fact that if Kurt hadn’t been there, he might not be, wasn’t going to help anyone. 

He splashed his face with water to wake himself up and wash away the crusted salt that clung to the edges of his eyes. He couldn’t tell whether it was from crying or just sleep. Maybe it was both.

He tried to calm his hair, but finger combing wasn’t helping, so he just gave up and headed for the kitchen.

He sat down and tried to control his stomach at the smell of Kurt’s cooking. If he was going to keep the weight off, the least he could do was try to control the noises his gut produced.

“I don’t think you do, but you don’t have any plans for today, right?” Kurt asked out of the blue.

Sebastian shook his head. “No. Why?”

“Because I’m taking you to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and you’re going to love it.”

Sebastian cringed. He wasn’t in the mood today to go to an art museum. He felt more like sulking and laying on the couch all day. “I’m tired.”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “Come on, Bas. You need to get out of the apartment.”

“I was out of the apartment last night. Twice.” He felt a sliver of cold jut into his spine at the thought of last night. He needed to learn how to keep his thoughts on track.

“Sebastian. What are you going to do instead?’

He shrugged. “There’s a perfectly good television over there and a couch that I would love to bond with.”

“Come on, it’s going to be fun!” Kurt begged, his smile poorly masked with a fake pout. “They have a huge European art section that I know you’ll absolutely adore. Blaine took me there when we first moved here, so I had practically forgotten about it…”

He thought about it. He knew that Kurt was right; he would love it. But the last time he had gone to a museum… it had been with Danny. 

He chastised himself; if he wanted to get better the first step was to realize that if he let Danny ruin his life, he was almost as bad as the man who ruined it in the first place.

“Okay.”

Kurt clapped in excitement, his happiness so profound he had to keep from squealing. Sebastian would love the museum and it would be nice for the both of them to do something fun outside of the apartment.

“Seriously, this is going to be great!”

And as Kurt realized, almost like a date.

He could figure out what he and Sebastian were later. For now, he just needed to worry about getting that couch dweller out of the apartment. And helping him recover from the stuff Danny and his father had done to him. His to-do list never seemed to decrease, did it?

“Do I have to dress up or something?”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “I’d prefer you didn’t wear thug casual, but no, you don’t have to. But please go for jeans and a decent shirt. I will pretend you’re a stalker if you try to leave this apartment in sweatpants.”

“So, basically I have to dress up?”

“Jeans is not dressing up.”

“It is in my book, Princess. Not everyone enjoys the preening you execute every morning.”

“At least I don’t look like a distant relative of the groundhog and prairie dog.”

Sebastian groaned. “We would get along so much better if you would quit comparing my facial features to that of an overgrown rodent.”

“If you stopped comparing me to a royal teenaged girl, I would consider dropping the nickname. For now, though, I think it suits you well.”

Sebastian gave up and slinked off to get dressed before breakfast and escape the fumes of food.

Kurt smirked to himself; he had outwitted the meerkat. 

One point for Hummel.

 

“Meerkat! Let’s go! Why does it seem to take you so long to get yourself together when we have to go somewhere? What are you even doing?”

“I can’t find my shoes, Princess!”

Kurt groaned. “Bas. They’re right by the door.”

“No, they’re not! I just checked- Oh.” Sebastian’s neck turned cherry red. 

Kurt laughed. “Come on, if we get there soon, we can hurry to the European section before the rush hour tourists arrive.”

Sebastian finished tying his shoes and hurriedly ran a hand through his hair to style it. 

They both pulled on jackets and gloves and Sebastian finally gave up on refusing scarves. It was freezing outside and he would rather have a scarf on then feel the cold breeze from between the buildings flow down the back of his shirt.

Locking the apartment door between them, Kurt practically bounced down the hallway, his excitement infectious. Sebastian couldn’t help but let a smile crack across his features.

The cab ride was pleasant. At least as pleasant as a ride in a vehicle that smelled of cigarettes could be. Sebastian looked out the window the whole time and Kurt tried to keep his eyes off of him. He knew staring was rude, and annoying if you were the victim of it, but he couldn’t help wanting to absorb every single feature of the boy.

Finally, Sebastian broke and glanced back at Kurt, who, blushing, pretended to be looking out the window. He couldn’t believe he had gotten caught. “What is it?”

“Nothing,” the smaller boy murmured. “Just thinking.”

“About how sexy I am?”

Kurt facepalmed and lightly shoved Bas’s shoulder. “That’s always going to be your first thought, isn’t it? No matter what, you always turn things sexual.”

Sebastian shrugged, a genuine grin taking over his features. “I like how uncomfortable it makes you.”

“You’re a jerk.”

“So I’ve been told.”

Kurt rolled his eyes and hit him on the shoulder again before turning his attention to his phone as it pinged. “Rachel is going to be gone all day again.”

“But it’s Thanksgiving break.”

“Tell that to her producer. She told me last night that the cast had a hard time convincing the man to let them go home for Thanksgiving at all.”

Sebastian’s eyes widened. “Even NYADA is giving us off.”

“Yeah, well, welcome to showbiz.”

“Speaking of showbiz, did you hear about the auditions for Rent coming up?”

Kurt nodded. “Yeah. That and Book of Mormon are casting soon. Are you going to audition for either?”

“I was thinking about it.”

Kurt’s face lit up. “Really? Which role?”

He rubbed the back of neck; he hadn’t thought Kurt would actually ask about it. “No clue. I was considering just being an extra.”

“Sebastian!” Kurt looked almost irritated. “You’ve got way too much talent to simply be ‘an extra.’ You could be one of the mains in Rent.”

“Rent’s not my show. I’d prefer something more along the lines of Grease. You could do Rent though. Angel would be perfect for your voice. I’m pretty sure that you’re the only guy I’ve met who can hit those notes,” Sebastian reasoned.

“I know it’s a bit unrealistic and day-dreamy, but wouldn’t it be great if we both finally landed a role on Broadway? No more money problems and we could finally start living the dream. Get a crazy big apartment overlooking Times Square and watch as our names light up on the marques.”

Sebastian couldn’t help smiling at the thought. That had always been his dream, but now that he realized that there was a chance he could do it with Kurt… It suddenly seemed even better than before. “Well, we came to New York for that reason, didn’t we?”

“I know, it’s just that sometimes it doesn’t feel real, you know? Just a little while ago, we were living in Ohio. I lived in Lima and you lived in Westerville. Now we’re in freaking New York City, the largest city in America and it all feels like some sort of blissful dream that I don’t want to wake up from. I love it here, even with the cold weather, tiny apartment, and horrible traffic. I don’t even mind the smelly taxis.”

Sebastian was surprised by easily Kurt said it, like voicing his dreams was as easy as explaining why certain colors went together better than others. Sebastian had never been able to say it that clearly. His dreams had always been concrete enough for him to know what he wanted and foggy enough for him to fail at explaining them to others.

“Bas?”

Sebastian shook himself out of his reverie. “Yeah, sorry. I agree. I wouldn’t trade this for anything.”

“By the way, I was going to tell you yesterday, but you know…” Kurt’s expression dropped for a second before he recomposed himself and smiled. “I landed you an interview for the diner. They just need proof that you can sing and then you’re hired!”

“Are you serious?” He was finally going to be able to pull his own weight and pay his own part of the rent. Not to mention that with three of them now paying for the apartment they would have more spending money. 

“I know! We’ll get to work together!”

Sebastian couldn’t wait to get to leave the apartment more. He went to class and on occasion accompanied Kurt somewhere, but it would be nice to get to go out and work. Let alone as a singing waiter. If the job was half as much fun as it sounded, he would love it. “When do I start?”

“Next week. Your interview is tomorrow. It’s right after your therapy.”

Sebastian groaned at the mention of therapy. It was such a pain. “When can I stop going? It’s been a month, Kurt, I’m fine.”

“Sebastian, I told you, as soon as you get a clean bill of mental health, we stop going.”

“I’m not crazy. I don’t need to waste my time telling some guy who doesn’t care about my daddy problems.”

Kurt sighed. Every time he brought up therapy they argued about it for the next half hour. He didn’t want to argue. “You aren’t crazy, but you also don’t ever tell anyone anything.”

“So, you think I’m going to tell Dr. Hassen stuff I’m not going to tell you?”

Kurt hated to admit it, he wanted to believe Bas trusted him more than some psychiatrist, but that was exactly what he thought. “I don’t know.”

Sebastian felt guilty. Why didn’t Kurt understand that the reason he never told him anything was because he didn’t want to change the way Kurt thought of him? Sebastian was embarrassed by all the people who he hadn’t been able to stop from hurting him. His dad. That guy at Scandals. Danny. 

Was it so wrong to not want people to know that you’re weak?

“Even if I don’t tell you everything, what makes you think I’ll tell him?”

Kurt sighed. “I don’t know.”

The rest of the ride was completely silent, both too busy internally to acknowledge the external. 

Kurt’s mind ran all the lines of wondering what he could do, while Sebastian’s treaded the familiar waters of things he couldn’t.

 

The trip to the museum turned out to be one of Kurt’s better ideas.

The art dragged the side of Sebastian he rarely saw out of hiding. He was happy, smiling, making his usual perverted, sarcastic jabs. It was like he was a different person; the only thing that linked him to the other ego was appearance.

“Sometimes I hate coming to these places.”

Kurt raised an eyebrow and glanced up at him. He looked for irritation along his features, but all he could find was a light thoughtfulness. “Why?”

“Because these people can express their emotions in such a beautiful way. Even though this one here is painted solely in red, it gives the air of giddiness, not anger. Somehow, the artist got across their feelings even though the colors aren’t typical. This is how this person expresses themselves. And it’s beautiful. Me, I frequent emotional breakdowns in which I look anything but beautiful.”

Kurt was taken aback by the depth of the statement. Sebastian hadn’t struck him as the philosophical type. “We’re artists too. I like the way we express our emotions more. We don’t need any fancy brushes or canvas or paint. We just need ourselves and an audience.”

Sebastian smirked. “I guess. Besides, artists don’t get the crowds of adoring fangirls begging for an autograph, or if they’re hot and lucky-”

“Thank you, Sebastian.” Kurt cringed. “I needed that vile image in a building full of beautiful ones.”

Sebastian just smiled in response, content that he could still fluster Princess into turning bright red.

They walked through the whole museum twice before Kurt declared they should go get something to eat and just roam the city. While Sebastian would have been fine seeing the whole museum over again- Europe had made him more appreciative of art- he could tell Kurt was getting close to boredom.

Since Kurt was hell-bent on making sure he made Bas’s day productive as well as enjoyable, the first place they stopped was a Mexican restaurant. Princess seemed to have a thing for foreign food.

Sebastian cringed at the thought of food; he had lost a lot of progress from his binge at the Thai restaurant. But he knew he had to eat something; otherwise, Kurt would go ballistic. Damn it. Why did Princess have to fret over him so much? He was fine.

“Okay, since I can’t eat the whole thing by myself and I want some, we’re splitting fajitas.”

“Oh. Just like a proper date. Aren’t you the gentleman. Want to split a milkshake too?”

Kurt resisted the urge to smack Sebastian; hitting people in public was a level he wasn’t ready to stoop to yet.

They ordered and Kurt ignored the cringe Sebastian produced when their waitress placed the basket of tortilla chips between them.

“Why are you doing this to yourself, Bas?”

He grimaced. “Please, can we not-”

“No. I’m sorry, but I can’t. Sebastian Smythe, despite all of your exceptionally irritating qualities, I care about you. And if that bothers you, then I’m sorry. I can’t watch you do this to yourself. I can’t watch you slowly kill yourself.”

He bit his lip and begged for Kurt to stop. He could feel his neck heating.

“Why? Is it something Danny told you?”

“I don’t care about what Danny says,” he whispered. He knew he was lying straight, but he knew Kurt would only get more concerned if he knew how much his ex-fiancé’s words affected him.

“Then why? Bas, you’re scaring me. Every day, you’re thinner and… you were so thin before…”

“Not thin enough.”

“For who?”

“Anyone. Who wants a worthless fat man whore? I can’t change the man whore part, but I can do something about being a fat pig.”

“Sebastian, you aren’t either of those.”

“Kurt, I was so desperate in high school that I would let anyone who wanted me have me. Even at Scandals. That’s what today’s society calls a man whore.”

“Don’t say it again. You’re not that person anymore.”

“What? So since I stop letting strangers bang me a year ago, I’m suddenly this catch?”

Kurt had to restraint himself from launching across the table and shaking some sense into the other boy. “Yes. Because everyone makes mistakes, and whether you believe it or not, someone will love you. To someone, you are perfect. The fact that you redeemed yourself and completely turned your life around is something that makes you better, not worse. You are perfect, just the way you are, and whoever got it into your head that you aren’t, is a bastard.”

Bas could feel his mind racing. Everything Kurt said had hit him like bricks. But phrase stuck out. _To someone, you are perfect._ That was present tense. Was he referring to himself?

Kurt reached across the table and took his hand in his own and Sebastian was embarrassed that it was shaky. “Bas, please, you have to talk to me.”

His shoulders slumped. He couldn’t keep it up. Kurt wouldn’t allow it. “Are you going to send me to some institution?”

Kurt shook his head, the fear in Sebastian’s eyes tearing at his heart. “No. And since I’m fully aware of your opposition to professional help, as long as you work with me, I won’t make you go to any sort of therapy either.”

“But I don’t want to get fat again Kurt.”

“We can start running in the mornings every other day. If you want, we can eat healthier too. But I think with your build, running will be all you need to look like a freaking Abercrombie model.”

Sebastian thought it through. He wanted to keep dieting; it made him feel in control over something in his life for the first time in his life. But he wanted Kurt to be happy, and what he was compromising seemed like it might keep him thin. Not as thin as he wanted, but thin enough to not feel like a walrus. 

“Why do you care?”

“Because I care about you, you narcissistic idiot.”

Sebastian felt his heart stop as Kurt met his eyes. 

Kurt licked his lips before continuing. “Because when I think of all the horrible things that could happen to me, one of the worst would be losing you. Even though sometimes all I can think about is how I want to wrap my hands around your neck and strangle you, the rest of the time, I want to spend every minute with you. I care about you, and I’ve tried fighting it, ignoring it, but it won’t go away. And if my feelings for you can’t leave me, neither can you.”

Sebastian didn’t know what to say. He felt the same way, but couldn’t voice it eloquently like Kurt did. 

Kurt could see Sebastian struggling and decided that while he was being brash, he might as well go completely crazy.

So he reached across the table, placed both hands on Sebastian’s face and kissed him softly. It was quick and light, lingering for only a few seconds, but it got across more than words ever would. 

Sebastian’s mind was reeling, but he finally found his voice. It was raspy from his heart racing too fast and his lungs functioning on overtime.

“Me too.”


	19. Session

“So, Sebastian. What’s been going on? You seem happier.”

“Maybe it’s because I’m trying not to think about the fact that Princess is still forcing me to come here.”

Dr. Hassen raised an eyebrow. “Princess?”

Sebastian smiled. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t called him that in here yet. “Kurt. It’s an inside joke.”

“Doesn’t sound like a nice nickname for the guy who took you in.”

“If it makes you any less uptight, he calls me meerkat and Abercrombie.”

Dr. Hassen looked genuinely confused. “As long as you’re considering his feelings on the nickname, I don’t care. But back on topic. What’s changed?”

“Nothing, I just decided to put on my smiley face underwear and they helped me perk up and change my outlook on life. Same with the close to lethal doses of heroin I’ve been injecting into my bloodstream.”

“Sebastian, can we please be serious for over three seconds.”

Sebastian began to count on his fingers. “Alright. I’m done. Time to discuss my raging sex life.”

“How have your relationships been?”

“One night stands usually end in ‘where’s my underwear’ not ‘text me, baby.’”

“With your parents?”

Sebastian groaned. He didn’t want to talk about that again. But he promised Kurt he would at least try. “Nothing new. I haven’t talked to them, they haven’t talked to me.”

“Your brother?”

“Still a douche bag.”

He nodded and looked up from his clipboard. “How are things in the apartment?”

“Rachel and I are getting along. We finally fixed the shower and I’m getting a job.”

He smiled. “That would be great for you. It feels good to know you can support yourself financially.”

Sebastian wanted to argue, but it was true. “Yeah, it’s at the same diner Kurt and Rachel work at.”

“How are things with Kurt?”

“Good. We’re heading to his parents’ tomorrow for Thanksgiving.”

“Not to jinx it, but why are you suddenly being so…”

“Cooperative?”

“Exactly.”

“Kurt asked me to so I could stop coming.”

“Yes, I can imagine Mr. Hummel would want to hurry this along a bit. Despite all the bad cards you were dealt, Kurt is an amazing person. Not many people would be able to do what he’s doing, especially if the circumstances of your relationship were as you said.”

“I know. I’m lucky.”

“Very. I’m surprised he can do it. Especially while in college with a father who’s a mechanic.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Kurt must be amazing with money. I could barely afford ramen noodles in college, let alone therapy sessions.”

Sebastian was lost. “Wait, you mean Kurt is paying for these sessions?”

Dr. Hassen nodded and frowned. “Where did you think they were coming from?”

“Don’t I have health care or something?”

“Son, you haven’t had health care in years.”

Sebastian’s head was reeling. _Was Kurt paying for his sessions? And who paid his hospital bills? What else had Kurt secretly done for him that he had no clue about?_ “Are you sure?”

Dr. Hassen looked down. “Since he isn’t paying for us to discuss his financial state, let’s get back on topic. How have things been with Kurt? Emotionally.”

“Good. I mean, we went to the museum a few days ago and he’s been helping me get over some stuff. It’s been good.”

Dr. Hassen couldn’t believe this. It was like a night and day difference between the Sebastian he had been dealing with and the one he was currently talking to. This one was curt and honest; the utter opposite of who he been last week. Maybe knowing where these sessions were coming from was exactly what Sebastian needed. “What has he been helping you with?”

“Just some… personal stuff.” Sebastian laced his hands and leaned forward. “Look, what do I have to do to be dubbed mentally stable?”

“Just come to terms with what you’ve done and what’s been done to you. Realize that life will go on, and prove that you’re talking to people about the stuff you bottle up. Mainly Sebastian, you just need to talk to people about things that shouldn’t be held inside.”

“So, if I divulge all of my dark secrets, get things off my chest, and keep the smartass to a minimum, Kurt stops spending money he doesn’t have in the first place?”

“Sebastian, this isn’t about money. This is about you overcoming the hurdles life is throwing your way.”

He bit his tongue to keep from responding with something along the lines of _you mean the things people did to me? Yeah, pretty sure they aren’t hurdles; more like sledgehammers._ “Yeah. I know.”

“Let talk about a topic you seem to dodge pretty well. Your family. If you could, would you try to repair your relationship with them? Do they mean something to you?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because they don’t deserve a second chance.”

Dr. Hassen seemed surprised by the answer. “Kurt gave you one.”

“Kurt’s a better person then I am.” Sebastian wished they could go back to talking about the present. He wanted nothing less than to dwell on the past.

“I know your relationship with your father is completely severed, and I don’t blame you; I would think it unhealthy if you were to forgive him. But your brother and mother. Could you repair your relationship with them?”

Sebastian fidgeted. “No.”

“Why not?”

“My brother made my behavior look like that of an angel. He was an asshole. Just because he’s my brother, doesn’t mean he can get away with all the shit he did when we were younger.”

“Such as?”

“You already know. To put it simply; he liked his fists more than his words.”

“What about your mother?”

“God, do you not listen? She was a doormat. She let… things happen…” Sebastian clenched his fists as he felt his eyes burn with rage. He was crying so much these days… He had to stop. He took a deep breath to gather himself before trying to finish. “She would watch him. I was young, and _I begged her to help me_ and she would just _watch him.”_

Concern flooded over the doctor’s face. He knew this particular patient was prone to emotional outbursts, but this was one of the worst yet. He had spoken of his father’s physical and mental abuse before, and neither of those elicited the emotion his mother was. He had a horrible, gnawing feeling that he knew what Sebastian was about to admit. He hoped to God he was wrong. “Watch him do what, Sebastian?”

He composed himself. “Just change the topic, alright?”

“Sebastian, you’re supposed to talk-”

He knew Kurt would want him to talk about it. But he wasn’t ready. He couldn’t admit it yet. “No. Please, let’s talk about something else.”

Dr. Hassen would have pressed harder; he was supposed to when patients reacted this way. But he knew that dropping the topic would be a step towards earning Sebastian’s trust and eventually, getting him to openly talk to him. “You look healthier today. Not as gaunt or pale. Have you been eating better?”

Sebastian smiled; this was the one thing the psychiatrist could view as actual progress. “Yeah.”

“What about your nightmares?”

Sebastian shivered. “They haven’t gotten worse.”

“Or better?”

He shook his head.

Dr. Hassen removed his glasses and cleaned them on his jacket. “Sebastian, do you know why most people have nightmares?”

He shrugged. 

“There are two main reasons; there’s something you’re afraid of or something you won’t acknowledge. Sometimes, it’s even a combination of both. So, I’m going to send you home with this question to ask yourself; what are you afraid of? And if you aren’t afraid of it, why haven’t you acknowledged it?”

 

“Sebastian, that is absolutely disgusting. There is no way I’m letting you bring that with us.”

He rolled his eyes. “Why not? It’s not like we’ve had this insane amount of time to go to the laundromat!”

“Sebastian, it smells like sweat. You jogged in it this morning.”

“Not everyone has a full wardrobe at their disposal, Princess.” Sebastian sniffed. Okay, Kurt was right; it reeked. But he could wash it tomorrow when they reached the Hudson-Hummels.

Kurt sighed; he knew that they needed to get Sebastian more clothes, but he had been waiting until they went to his house knowing his dad would allow him to go shopping with his credit card. They weren’t financially stable without Sebastian working to pay his share yet; not to mention the hospital bills Blaine hadn’t been able to convince Mr. Anderson to pay and the counseling sessions. His money was stretched at the moment, to say the least. “Just put it in a plastic bag at least. Otherwise, it’s going to stink up the whole suitcase.”

“Fine.”

Kurt helped Sebastian finish packing his duffel since he had finished his own packing that morning. He had done it while Sebastian was at his session.

Kurt figured there was only one more thing they needed to do before heading to his parents’ for the next few days. “So, my parents have no clue about, well, any of this, and until I figure out how to tell them, can we just keep it quiet?”

Sebastian’s eyebrows furrowed. “You mean… us?”

“Yeah, I know we don’t really have it figured out either, but I don’t want them to know yet.”

Sebastian nodded. 

Kurt wrapped his arms around the taller’s shoulders, barely managing to reach his face and kiss his cheek. “You’re the best.”

Sebastian smirked and his eyes lit up. “I am. You’re so lucky to have me.”

“Oh Bas, your modesty is so outstanding.”

He grinned. “Just like my-”

“Don’t finish that sentence.”

Sebastian just laughed in response. “I thought you loved when I talked dirty.”

“No, but I would love if you stopped talking.”

Sebastian’s face twitched to sadness before it went back to his sarcastic smile. Kurt hadn’t meant it that way; he was just joking. But he shouldn’t have been so insensitive; Danny had probably said the same thing and been serious.

Kurt felt his heart throb when he realized what he’d said. “Bas, I didn’t mean-”

“I know.”

Kurt felt awful; he could be such an insensitive jerk sometimes. He couldn’t believe he had said that without thinking. Even though Sebastian was finally recovering externally, Kurt knew from the long nights and occasional breakdowns that Sebastian had a long way to go to recover emotionally.

Dr. Hassen wasn’t allowed to share too much about their sessions due to patient-doctor confidentiality, but he had said that Sebastian biggest burden was his refusal to open up to anyone about what had happened to him. Whenever Kurt would bring up his family or even hint at his ex-fiancé, Sebastian would completely shut down. Sure, Kurt knew the gist from what he had been able to squeeze out of Sebastian, but not enough to try to help him through it.

He just wished Sebastian would trust- no, believe in him enough to tell him what was going on in his head. So that when he woke from nightmares, and couldn’t calm himself down, Kurt would be able to estimate at what was going through his head. 

Since Sebastian was still jumpy when his mind was in a dark place, Kurt didn’t reach out and wrap his arms around him. It was always his first instinct, but he couldn’t handle when Sebastian would flinch at his touch. It made him feel cruel even though he knew it wasn’t his fault. 

He had asked Dr. Hassen about it once, and he had said that there was nothing Kurt could do. That due to all of the physical abuse he had suffered, Kurt was lucky flinching was all he got. He had also instructed Kurt not to let it deter him from trying to make him feel physically safe. Even if Sebastian’s first reaction was fear, he knew that Kurt wouldn’t hurt him and probably wanted the physical affection.

Kurt knew it was true; Sebastian’s first reaction to fear when he was close to Kurt was to grab onto his clothes. Like Kurt’s shirt was an anchor and by latching onto that anchor, he was guaranteed safety. It was similar to the way a child knotted their fists in their parent’s pants and hid their face against their leg when they were afraid. Kurt secretly liked it; he liked to think that even when Sebastian did it in his sleep and wasn’t conscious, his subconscious still trusted him. Looked for him to protect him from the demons lurking in the shadows of his mind.

“Bas?”

Sebastian’s hands were shaky and even though he was trying to cover it up by stuffing them in his pockets, Kurt was too in tune with his body language to ignore it. “It’s nothing. Can we go on a run or something?”

Even though they had only been running for a few days, Kurt had already picked up on why Sebastian liked it. Not only did it provide a much healthier alternative to starving himself, but the physical strain took his mind off of the memories he tried to shove down. Like he was hoping that if he held them under the waters of the back of his mind long enough, they would drown and disappear.

It was only a temporary solution to a much more permanent problem. 

“It’s already pretty late. We can go on a run tomorrow once we’re at my house.”

Sebastian’s face dropped. “We’ve still got half an hour of sunlight. I could go by myself.”

“Sebastian, this is New York City. There’s no way I’m letting you run by yourself.”

He sighed and threw himself on the couch. He knew Kurt was right, but it still felt like he was being babied. “I’ll be fine.”

Kurt sat beside him, maneuvering himself so the other boy’s head rested on his thigh. “I know. But let’s do something else. My legs are still burning from this morning. How about we order a pizza and head to bed early? We have to get up before the sun tomorrow and we could use all the sleep we can get.”

Sebastian had to bite into his cheek to keep from continuing to protest. Kurt was right; they did have to get up early and his legs hurt as well. But he didn’t want to sit still. He couldn’t. 

Well, he would have to. “Okay.” He tried to make it sound genuine and offered a sore attempt at a smile.

Kurt caught on. “What is it?”

“Nothing, I’m just tired from this morning.”

Kurt could tell there was some truth to it, but from the fact that Sebastian refused to meet Kurt’s eyes, he knew he was hiding something. “How did your session go this morning?”

Sebastian shrugged. “It wasn’t that bad.”

Kurt couldn’t believe his ears. Sebastian wasn’t complaining about it. He wasn’t begging for him to let him stop going. He wasn’t making rude and often, inappropriate, jokes about his therapist. “Really?”

He nodded against Kurt’s warm thigh. “Yeah.” Sebastian considered mentioning that he knew Kurt was paying for them, but he quickly figured out he wouldn’t react. Kurt genuinely didn’t care about the money; he just wanted to help Sebastian. 

“When you went to the bathroom before we left, he told me you were doing better. I know I’m going to regret saying this, but I’m proud of you. He told me you’re doing way better than any of his other patients who come from situations as bad as yours.”

_You shouldn’t be proud of me. The only reason I was in the bathroom was because all the memories the session evoked caused me to vomit._ Sebastian had no idea how to respond, so he settled for smiling softly and rolling on his back before shoving his hands into the pocket of his sweatshirt. 

Kurt began to absently play with his hair. “Are you nervous about tomorrow?”

Sebastian cringed. Nervous was an understatement. “Sort of. I know Carole, and I think she likes me, but Finn and your dad scare the hell out of me. I mean, Finn’s my same height, but he’s big and freakishly buff.”

Kurt laughed. Yeah, Finn was intimidating until you met him. Then he was an adorable huge teddy bear. “Finn’s like an overgrown puppy. He’s not who you need to worry about; my dad is the one who will kill you in your sleep.”

“Thanks for that, Kurt. I needed that thought to sleep on tonight.”

“Just keep the smartass and perverted comments to yourself and you’ll be fine. Once they realize you aren’t the same person you were before, they’ll grow to love you.”

Sebastian didn’t respond. His mind was now fixed with images of Burt Hummel chasing him with a shotgun.

Kurt noticed Sebastian’s troubled expression. “Hey. Seriously. They are going to love you. You’re a completely different person and I know you’ll charm them.”

“Well… I am good at charming people. Just not for the reasons you seem to believe…”

Kurt reached behind him and launched a throw pillow at Sebastian’s head. He laughed.

Kurt knew his dad and Finn would be hard to convince, but he was sure Sebastian could. Sebastian was great at getting people to like him. After all, he got Blaine wrapped around his little finger after a few meetups. He could easily charm Kurt’s family in a few days.

Right?


	20. Early Mornings and Airports

“I need coffee,” Sebastian whined as they waited in line at security in the airport. Their flight left at six o’clock in the morning, and they had had to get up at three. It was twenty after four, and the morning was beginning to take its toll on Sebastian. Kurt knew he wasn’t being delightful himself, but he had already had a cup of coffee. Sebastian hadn’t.

“I know,” Kurt sighed. “We’ll get some as soon as we get out of security.” Kurt had gotten them both a cup while Sebastian waited to check in their luggage, but someone had run into him on his way back and caused him to drop one cup all over the patterned rug. Sebastian insisted on Kurt drinking the remaining one.

Sebastian yawned and pulled his backpack higher up his shoulders. They had managed to shove all of their carry-on crap into one bag and Sebastian had insisted on carrying it. Kurt was hoping that Sebastian would let him take it; the bag seemed to be weighing heavily on his shoulders, and Kurt had the feeling it wasn’t only how heavy it was. 

They were both tired but combined with the chaos of the airport, Kurt worried that the situation was stressing Sebastian out more than he was letting on. “I can’t believe that idiot ran into me.”

Sebastian offered a small smile. “Just our luck.” His eyes were barely open and Kurt hoped the line would get moving so he could let Sebastian take a small nap before they got on the actual plane. 

Kurt ran his palm over Sebastian’s lower back and frowned. “You okay, Bas?”

He nodded. “Yeah, sorry, I’m just tired and all the noise in here is giving me a headache.”

Kurt pulled a mini-aspirin bottle out of their backpack and shook two into his palm. “Here.”

Sebastian swallowed them dry and murmured a soft ‘thanks.’

“How many hours did you get last night, Bas?”

He shook his head and yawned. “Enough.”

“How many hours?”

His voice was sheepish like he was afraid of Kurt’s reaction, but he mumbled, “Three.”

Kurt felt his stomach drop. “Why didn’t you take something or wake me?”

He hugged his torso and dropped his face. “I didn’t want to sleep.”

They were shuffled along through security before Kurt could respond. Which was in a way a good thing, because Kurt didn’t know what to say to that. What happened yesterday that shook Seb up so much that he didn’t even want to try and sleep?

Sebastian had slept on his air mattress last night, and Kurt was shocked that he hadn’t crawled into bed with him at some point over the night. He always slept with him after therapy.

What had happened there?

Once they had melted back into the typical rush of people in the vast halls, Kurt took his hand and rubbed his thumb over the thin, pale skin. “Why didn’t you want to sleep?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Please, Bas, don’t do that. You don’t have to tell me everything, but tell me enough to help you. Please.”

Sebastian was quiet for a minute. Just when Kurt was about to ask again, Sebastian said, his voice husky, “I couldn’t stop thinking about my dad.”

“Did you talk about him yesterday?”

He nodded and looked away in the hope that Kurt wouldn’t see the bright red coloring his face had taken. 

“Hey,” Kurt slid a hand up to his chin and lifted it softly, his palm caressing Bas’s angled jaw. “There is no reason for you to be embarrassed. Your father hurt you in ways I can’t even fathom; it’s okay that you’re not okay. All I ask is that you tell me so I can help you.”

Sebastian nodded into Kurt’s hand and leaned against his warm palm. Kurt could feel slight shakes go through the other boy’s body but he ignored them. He ran the pad of his thumb across the corner of Bas’s mouth before standing on his toes and kissing the same spot.

He managed to get a sliver of a grin from Sebastian and dropped his hand to loop in the other boy’s. “Come on. Once we get to our gate and reserve two seats, we’ll hunt down some coffee.”

Sebastian nodded. “Perfect.”

Once they tossed their jackets onto two chairs by the window overlooking the plane they’d be taking, Kurt led the hunt for a Starbucks.

Even though the line was over forty people long, Kurt decided to screw it and wait anyway. 

Sebastian groaned softly at the wait ahead of them. “Perfect.”

Kurt busied himself picking at the invisible lint peppering his blue shirt. “This is New York. Hopefully, the coffee line will move half as fast as the rest of the city.”

Sebastian hoped so. They only had about an hour until their flight left, so about forty-five minutes until they boarded.

Twenty minutes later, both with a steaming cup in hand, they headed back to their gate, the caffeine making the fact that they were up and walking around at that hour bearable.

Kurt considered striking up a conversation a few times, but couldn’t think of anything to say. His mind still wasn’t working at its full capacity and he imagined Sebastian’s was probably worse, so he settled for sliding his arm around Sebastian’s thin waist and relishing the extra warmth his body provided. Even indoors, New York City was beyond freezing. 

Sebastian yawned for the third time in the last few minutes and Kurt frowned. “You can sleep during the plane ride, Bas. It’s two hours.”

He shook his head and offered a vague smirk. “I can just sleep tonight, I’ll be fine. Besides, going to bed early will give me a good excuse in case things get ugly.”

Kurt worried at his lip. “I sure hope not.” He subconsciously tightened his arm around the other boy’s hips. “It probably won’t be instant, but I know they’re going to love you. Besides, at least you know Carole likes you.”

He shivered. “Yeah, but your dad and Finn don’t. As a matter of fact, last time I checked, they hated me because I tried to blind you with a cup of radioactive crushed ice and a food condiment.”

“You’ve changed.”

“They don’t know that.”

“They will.”

“If they don’t attempt to kill me first. Do they even know I’m coming?”

“My dad does.”

Sebastian grimaced. “So your ridiculously large and buff older brother doesn’t even know I’m coming?”

Kurt winced. “Yeah, maybe not the best idea to keep it from him. I’ll text Carole and have her explain it to him before we get there.”

Bas sighed. “You don’t-“

“Just shut it meerkat. I should have told him in the first place.”

“Why didn’t you?”

Kurt unwound himself from Seb to readjust his scarf. “I didn’t want him to lecture me honestly. I find it funny that he’ll sit around and tell me who to date when he’s dated practically every shallow girl in Lima.”

“I’ve hooked up with practically every guy in-”

“I don’t need to know.” Kurt repressed the blush rising to his face. “Besides, you’re different now. And I guess, in a way, so is he. But that doesn’t mean he gets to judge.”

“Are you honestly that worried about him judging?”

Kurt shrugged. “I don’t know. Kind of. It’s just… I don’t want him to say something completely out of line.”

Sebastian tried not to be slightly offended. “Kurt, I’m not going to shatter at one rude statement. Danny and my father made sure I perfected not reacting to cruel words.”

Kurt felt his chest pang and sighed. “Just because you don’t react doesn’t mean it’s right. Or acceptable.”

They reached their gate just as they were supposed to begin boarding. Perfect timing.

Grabbing their coats and bag, Sebastian finished the last sip of his coffee and tossed it into the nearest trash can. 

Boarding took longer than they thought it would. The line was slow and full of mothers with loud protesting children and businessmen talking obnoxiously into their cell phones. 

Sebastian hadn’t been exaggerating when he said the noise of the bustling building had been giving him a headache. Behind his eyes, a steady pulsing was beginning to intensify. Guess the pain meds weren’t working. He cringed and massaged his forehead.

Kurt’s eyebrows came together. “Is your headache getting worse?”

Sebastian smiled and shook his head. “No, I’m okay. The noise is just getting annoying.”

“Welcome to New York. There’s a reason they call it the city that never sleeps.”

They reach the front of the line and Kurt gave the airport attendant their tickets. She ushered them back quickly and they ran down the slowly narrowing hall that led to the door of the plane, their footsteps echoing along the metal walkway.

“I call window seat,” Kurt stated.

Sebastian just rolled his eyes in response.

They were seated in the back row of the plane, in seats A and B. Sebastian briefly wondered who would be sitting next to them. With his luck, it would be a loud, irritating homophobe who would feel the need to talk the whole trip.

Kurt sat by the window and busied himself watching the lime green-jacketed workers running around below them. Loading carts of luggage, waving glowing batons at planes to direct them to and from the landing strips. 

The sun was still sleeping, and Kurt wished he could be too. Thankfully, there were so many lights along the tarmac that even though the earth’s light source hadn’t been turned on yet, the city’s was. Fluorescent lighting glowed above the asphalt in a way only New York City’s airport could. It was a busy morning; planes were taking off and landing every minute, bringing and taking people like the taxis that drove the streets of the city.

Sebastian wasn’t as fascinated as Kurt. He closed his eyes and leaned back, wishing for sleep to claim him. The seat was uncomfortable and rigidly straight, but he had to try anyway. He couldn’t be grumpy and irritable in front of Kurt’s family. He needed to impress them. 

It was mere minutes before he was out.

 

Kurt smiled as he watched Sebastian sleep. The flight attendant had just informed him that they would be taking off in a few minutes and Kurt wondered whether Sebastian would sleep through it. His dad always had. 

Kurt tried to stop biting his lip; he knew it would be bright red and might even start bleeding before the trip ended otherwise. He told himself there was nothing to worry about, but that wasn’t exactly true. What if Finn went crazy? What if his father or stepbrother said something that triggered one of Sebastian’s memories?

He watched his roommate’s chest rise and fall gently and wondered why sleep always made people seem so different. When you were awake there was very little you could do to change your personality. Smirks, grins, tears; all things that made people who they were. But sleep cleaned the face of all expression like a wipe-board, leaving only things you couldn’t change. 

Even though he had the same facial features, and Kurt was positive he hadn’t been replaced by a clone, the Sebastian sleeping beside him was nothing like the one he usually interacted with. Maybe it was because he couldn’t see his eyes. Sebastian gave meaning to the phrase “eyes are the windows to the soul” or however that damned proverb went. Sebastian’s eyes always gave away what his lips wouldn’t. He could lie with his lips, his hands, even his face, but his eyes never could.

The plane lurched into motion. Sebastian’s moment of peace came to the same abrupt halt as the plane’s wheels when another air taxi decided to pull out in front of them out of the blue.

Sebastian yawned and rubbed his sleep laden eyes roughly with his sleeves. “What was that?”

“A plane pulled in front of us with no warning.”

He nodded and Kurt couldn’t keep from smiling at how adorable he was when he was tired. His dark eyelashes blinked rapidly to help him stay awake and his usually bright irises were dulled by the fog of sleep deprivation. His cheek was flushed from resting against the headrest of his chair and his hair mussed even more then it had been when they had rushed inside the building from their taxi that morning. 

“Might want to wait until we’ve taken off to resume your nap,” Kurt advised when Sebastian’s eyelids began to drastically lower.

He murmured an incoherent reply and Kurt ran his hand through Sebastian’s messy hair, relishing how the soft strands glided between his fingers. Kurt let his gaze slide toward his window, his hand still gently weaving through Bas’s bedhead. Kurt was desperate for the sun to come up, for the few stars you could see in the city to bid their farewells and allow the sun to finally light up their world.

“One thing I kind of miss about Ohio is the stars,” Kurt said without realizing he was thinking out loud until Sebastian leaned further into his hand and pried his eyes open to slits, imploring him to continue. “There aren’t any stars here. All the city lights block them out. Not that the New York City skyline isn’t beautiful enough to make up for it, but I do miss stars. I wish I didn’t have to pick between lights on the ground and lights in the sky. Can you imagine how pretty the city would be if we had both?”

Sebastian didn’t know what to say. His mind was processing what Kurt was saying and forming a response, but his eyes and mouth wouldn’t cooperate. So he settled for a nod just there enough for Kurt to understand.

The plane jerked into motion once more, the wheels carrying them to their runway without stopping. The wheels were anything but smooth, and Kurt buckled the both of them without giving Sebastian a chance to fumble with his own seatbelt. 

Sebastian hated taxiing; not only was it uncomfortable, but it was impossible to sleep during. Kurt’s hand had fallen from his hair once they had begun moving but Sebastian could still feel the waves of electricity from the spots where Kurt’s fingernails had brushed his scalp. His eyes were cracked open, just enough for him to watch Kurt from beneath his lashes.

Kurt was gazing out the window, watching as they rolled through the intricate maze of landing strips and the stretches of asphalt between them. A faint glow was emitting from outside the plane and the vehicle’s halls were lined with soft fluorescent lights. Both gave Kurt’s face a slightly golden glow, reflecting off of his hair so it seemed lighter and his eyes, brighter.

Kurt turned toward him and smiled at whatever idiotic look currently held his expression. “Come here,” Kurt lifted the armrest that separated them and motioned for Sebastian to fall into his arms. He didn’t hesitate; not even to make a sarcastic jab. 

He rested his head against Kurt’s soft shoulder, so his forehead was pressed against Kurt’s neck. His arms were curled between them- Sebastian was cold- and his eyes gave up trying to stay open the second Kurt’s lips ghosted his eyebrow. 

Kurt brought his arms around Sebastian and leaned against the velvety wall of the plane so he could see the speeding lights as they began to take off. 

This was one of those moments he would pause if he could. Just so he could reflect and maybe rewind it. 

Sebastian was in his arms, his slow breath puffing across his chest. He was on a plane to see his family for a few days before he would return to the city of his dreams. Everyone in his apartment was going to be employed and money was going to stop being a worry. Sebastian had finally begun to open up and begin the healing process that would eventually allow him to push through what Danny had done to him. And whatever was going on between them, especially if it was what Kurt thought it was…

Life was finally working out.


	21. Meet the Hudson-Hummels

Sebastian slept soundly the whole plane ride. Even when the flight attendants screamed at each other across the aisle over giving a passenger extra juice boxes. 

The plane was pleasantly cool, but Sebastian still managed to get cold. Luckily the flight provided blankets and pillows, so Kurt nabbed the previous from a non-screaming flight attendant and carefully draped it over Sebastian’s long back and most of his legs. Even curled up, Sebastian was too long for the blanket, his feet hopelessly sticking out from under it.

The flight was short, not even two hours, and when they announced that they were about to land, Kurt wondered where the time went. He had stared out the window, played on his phone, and messed with Sebastian’s hair for the whole flight. Wow; his mind was captivated in easy ways.

Since Sebastian’s seat belt was buckled and he wasn’t technically sleeping in a dangerous position, Kurt didn’t bother to wake him up yet. He slept right through the plane’s descent, but even someone who slept like the dead couldn’t stay out of it during the shaky landing. 

Kurt laughed at Sebastian’s confused expression and sleep-fogged eyes. Sebastian just yawned and ran a hand through his sleep-mussed hair. “Did I sleep through the whole flight?”

Kurt nodded and turned his phone off airplane mode, the device immediately dinging with notifications. “Yep and my parents are waiting for us at baggage claim.”

Sebastian nodded and stretched out his stiff back and arms. “Crap, I forgot we were meeting them here.” He dragged his hands over his face. “Not only are you going to be introducing your past tormentor, but you’re going to be introducing a sleep-deprived edition.”

Kurt cringed. “We’ll get more coffee before we see them. There is no such thing as too much caffeine.”

Sebastian shook his head. “You’re going to be hopping if you drink any more coffee.”

“Trust me on this Bas; three cups at an hour like this is nothing.”

Sebastian just smiled and tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes. He had to be awake and alert when he met Kurt’s family. He also had to prepare himself for rejection. He hoped it didn’t get to that point, but he couldn’t be positive and the higher his hopes, the harder the fall.

Since they were in the back, they were the last people off the plane. Kurt tried to yank their shared backpack from Sebastian, but he wasn’t relenting. As much as he wished it wasn’t true, Sebastian looked like the walking dead and Kurt didn’t trust him not to drop it or put it down somewhere and forget it. 

Since Sebastian was walking in front of him, Kurt took that time to try to see him through his family’s eyes. Both he and Carole would know he looked unbelievably better than he had weeks ago. But all his father and Finn would see was a gaunt boy with circles under his eyes who used to make Kurt’s life a living hell. They wouldn’t see a victim of unspeakable crimes; they would see a villain who committed them.

They got coffee much quicker than they had in NYC; Ohio seemed so empty compared to the raging crowds of the city. Sebastian’s hands shook slightly as he drank and Kurt tried to think of something comforting to say. But he didn’t have anything.

He settled for running his hand over Seb’s coiled arm –his whole body was tense- a few times before they reached the baggage claim. 

Sebastian seemed to relax slightly, but he was still rigid and flighty. Kurt couldn’t blame him; a weight was forming in his own stomach and he hoped to whatever was out there in the universe that everyone would get along.

They approached the escalator that led to the baggage claim and turned toward each other.

Kurt fixed Sebastian’s hair even though it wasn’t all that messy. It was more a nervous tick than anything else. “Just don’t say the word ‘sex’ and we should be fine. Besides, Carole loves you.”

Sebastian nodded, his attempt at masking his nervousness as translucent as the glass windows to their left, showing off the greenness of Ohio. “Got it.”

Kurt took his hands briefly in his own and relished the feeling. He wouldn’t be able to do anything like this for days; his dad wasn’t ready for the idea of him talking Sebastian, let alone liking him.

Kurt let go and stepped on the descending staircase.

As he had suspected, his stepbrother was easy to pick out of the crowd dwelling around the baggage claim for the flight from NYC. Most of the people waiting were not only shorter but generally smaller. His dad and Carole were right next to him, the baseball cap both comforting and nerve-racking. 

“God,” Sebastian whispered from behind him. “Finn’s way bigger then I remember him.”

Kurt turned back and gently took Sebastian’s hand in his own when he saw the boy’s pale pallor. They were halfway down the escalator, so it took effort for Kurt to look up into Sebastian’s eyes (the stair added a good half a foot), but he tried to offer a reassuring smile. “Relax. They are going to love you.”

Sebastian just bit his lip in response.

They reached the bottom, and Kurt knew it was a matter of seconds before they were spotted so he dared to drop Bas’s hand and shook out his own, trying to block out all the thoughts of how badly this could go.

“Kurt!”

He couldn’t help smiling when he saw the excitement dancing in his stepmother’s eyes. She ran toward them both and pulled Kurt into a hug before he could stop her.

She pulled back and placed her hands on his shoulders. “This is going to be one hell of a Thanksgiving.”

Carole tried to mask her surprise when she saw Sebastian. His eyes were slightly bloodshot and the rings around them weren’t as dark as they had been. He looked so much better without the bruises and cuts. What she really took in though was his weight. He had gained some, and she could tell he was making significant progress. 

She grinned, reached up, and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He flinched but returned her embrace and she couldn’t have felt any more elated. His arms were softly wrapped around her waist and she wondered for the umpteenth time how someone could hurt him. 

“You look amazing, Sebastian,” she gushed when she pulled back. 

He smiled shyly in response, his cheeks reddening briefly. “Well, considering I slept the whole plane ride, that’s questionable.”

Burt was greatly confused. After all the stories Kurt had told him about the Smythe boy in high school, Burt figured he would be a loud, boisterous pain with no filter. He wasn’t sure whether this was an act, or if Kurt was right, and Sebastian had completely changed. There weren’t any parallels between the boy Burt saw in front of him now and the one he’d heard of the year before.

Once Carole finished speaking with him, Burt figured he would go first for introductions; Finn looked as confused as he felt and he was almost positive his stepson wasn’t in the position to string together words in an intelligent way.

“I’m Kurt’s father, Burt Hummel,” he said and offered his hand to the tall, lanky boy, surprised when Sebastian met his eyes with an equally strong handshake. “But you can call me Burt.”  
Sebastian smiled. “It’s nice to meet you.” 

Sebastian couldn’t believe it; no one had tried to slit his throat and while Kurt’s dad didn’t seem to adore him, he also didn’t seem to hate him. Which was more than he could have hoped for.

Kurt cleared his throat and motioned to Finn who looked caught between a combo of hatred and sincere bewilderment. “You already know Finn.”

Sebastian nodded and offered a half smile, trying not to let the awkwardness prevail. But Finn was creeping him out. He was just staring, and Sebastian couldn’t tell why. 

Finn continued leering, and Burt indiscreetly coughed to break the silence. “How was the flight?”

Kurt shrugged. “Good. The flight attendants were at each other’s throats the whole time, but it was peaceful besides that. Sebastian slept through the whole thing.”

Carole rolled her eyes. “Burt does the same thing. He can fall asleep almost anywhere and stay that way.”

Kurt smiled and tried to wrap his mind around what was going on. His dad was fine; he was genuinely smiling along with them. He knew his father would never forget what Sebastian had done in the past, neither of them would, but there seemed to be a real chance of his father actually liking Sebastian.

Finn was still silently staring at Sebastian. He had a look of shock that Kurt wished he could make a bit more subtle. 

Once the baggage ring had started moving, and Sebastian and Carole went to the other side to grab his bag –it was one of the first ones out- Kurt turned on his brother to ask what his deal was.

“Finn!” Kurt hissed. “What is your problem?”

This snapped Finn out of it and he let his eyes land on Kurt’s. “What happened to him?”

That hadn’t been what Kurt expected. The confusion on Finn’s face wasn’t rude glaring and an attempt at malice; he was just as shocked as Kurt had been to see what little remained of the Sebastian Smythe they had known before. “It’s not my right to tell you everything, but to say his ex-boyfriend put him through hell would be an understatement.”

Finn’s pallor drained another shade. “Carole told us he was a bad dude, but I didn’t- I hadn’t thought… He looks bad. Like he doesn’t eat or sleep much.”

Kurt grimaced but didn’t respond. He didn’t want to tell his brother anything else; wasn’t ready for him to know how on point he was. How right.

His father walked over and placed his hand on Kurt’s shoulder. “I know I had been skeptical before, but you did the right thing kiddo.”

Kurt wasn’t sure how to take that. Sebastian didn’t look great, but he wasn’t that bad looking. His hair had been finger-combed during the walk over, the bags under his eyes weren’t too dark, and he was only a little underweight compared to how he had been before. Maybe he just didn’t notice the weight since Sebastian had been so emaciated a month ago, and so thin before. Since his father had never seen him before, either during high school or a few weeks ago, he looked much worse than he was in his eyes. Or maybe it was just that Kurt was growing blind to his condition.

Burt had been silent, and he cleared his throat. “God, the kid looks worse than you after your mother’s death. Has he always been that thin? You lost some weight after your mom, but not that much.”

Kurt felt his stomach pull at the thought of his mom. It had been over a decade, and he still couldn’t think of her without a hint of sadness. “He’s always been a stick, Dad. But no, he hasn’t always been that thin. With Carole on him this weekend though, he’ll be leaving the Hudson-Hummel’s a few pounds heavier.”

Burt tried to smile, but it came out more of a grimace. He wasn’t going to admit it, but seeing Sebastian like this reminded him of when Karofsky had been harassing his boy. The timidness; like he was afraid if people got too close, they would hurt him. The weight loss and purple-tinged eyes. He hadn’t thought he would feel this way; honestly, he thought hatred would be the first emotion to blossom up in his chest when he saw the boy. But it was protectiveness. He didn’t want to clock Sebastian like he had thought he would; he wanted to protect him.

“Good,” he finally said.

Kurt’s bag came out right after Sebastian’s and Burt took both boys’ luggage, even though Sebastian insisted he could carry them.

The airport was only a half hour from their house, but due to holiday traffic, it took an hour for them to get there.

All three of the boys had been shoved in the back seat, Kurt in the middle. Finn had looked out the window the whole ride, and Sebastian had done whatever it took to not fall back asleep. Kurt had to keep reminding himself that he couldn’t just take Sebastian’s hand or let him sleep on his shoulder. It was weird, and while Kurt knew none of those things were signs they were a couple, he did the same stuff with Rachel and Mercedes, his father and Carole might take them the wrong way. Not to mention Finn.

Carole looked in the review mirror and noticed the awkward state of the boys in the back. Finn looked like he did when doing math homework; confused and in pain. Kurt looked normal, and a little anxious. Sebastian looked exhausted.

It was most certainly going to be an awkward Thanksgiving. 

When their driveway finally came into view, Kurt caught himself before he could vocally express his relief. 

Finn got out first, making a beeline for the house, disappearing inside before Kurt could even process it.

Sebastian cringed. “Was it something I-”

Burt shook his head. “No, you didn’t do anything.”

Carole frowned. “I’ll talk to him. Burt, help the boys get settled in before I start fattening them up.”

Sebastian struggled to suppress the crimson glow that wanted to cover his face.

Burt led them through the front door and into a homey living room. The whole room was well decorated, but very obviously lived in. It was different from his own home. In his house, everything was perfect, but it looked more like a model house then someone’s actual home.

They walked up the stairs and came to two doors. “This one’s for you, Sebastian. And don’t worry, Kurt; Carole hasn’t let me touch your room since you last came.”

Kurt tried to forget the time Carole had let him touch his stuff. His father plus interior designing; no thank you.

Burt set each of their bags in front of their doors and headed back downstairs.

“Come on, meerkat,” Kurt opened Sebastian’s door, “Let’s unpack your stuff first so I can find out how much of it needs to be washed.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “I can wash my own clothes.”

Kurt laughed mockingly. “Yeah, that’s hilarious.”

He opened his mouth to defend himself, but he realized he probably _couldn’t_ wash his clothes, he had no idea how to use washers and dryers, so he settled for glaring at him.

Sebastian’s stuff took less than a minute to unload since there was so little of it, and Kurt decided the only items needing wash were his running clothes. Even Seb could admit they smelled awful.

Kurt’s bag, however, took forever. It turns out Princess brought enough clothes to fill up his wardrobe because that was literally what he did.

Kurt noticed his amazed expression as he tried to figure out how all those clothes fit inside a medium suitcase. “It’s called packing properly, Bas. It’s not that hard.”

“Says you. How many outfits did you not bring?”

Kurt shrugged. “I didn’t count.”

Once they finished and Kurt had filled a basket with all the clothes that needed to be washed, they dared to go downstairs, and heavenly smells were sent their way from the kitchen.

“We’re just going to eat the whole time we’re here aren’t we?” Seb asked.

Kurt nodded and hoped that it wasn’t going to be a problem. Sebastian was just starting to eat healthily and the amount of food his stepmother thrust on you was anything but. He didn’t want it to counteract their progress.

He shook his head and realized how stupid that sounded. His stepmother had more experience with this kind of thing than he ever would. She would understand the dos and don’ts. 

Sebastian leaned against the wall as Kurt started the load of laundry. “I think it’s safe to say your brother doesn’t like me.”

Kurt bit his lip. “I don’t think it’s that. I think it’s more-” _how thin and sickly you look_ “-how weird it is to see you and I being nice to each other.”

Sebastian thought about it for a moment. “I guess.” He dragged a hand down his haggard face. “It’s weird even when I think about it. A little over a month ago, we didn’t care for each, a year ago we hated each other, and now…” He shrugged when the words wouldn’t come to him. “We don’t.”

Kurt smiled. “Alright. Now that I don’t have to worry about your disgusting clothes anymore, let’s go find out what Carole is making because it smells fabulous.”

Sebastian looked anything but eager to go into the kitchen, but Kurt had the feeling it had less to do with food and more with the high probability that Finn was in there.

Luckily, he wasn’t. But Burt and Carole were. Kurt caught them exchange one of those parental looks that conveyed things they didn’t want either boy to know about. As soon as they noticed them, they both went back to looking at what they were doing and if Kurt hadn’t caught that second before, he wouldn’t have known they were aware of the other’s presence. 

“Is your room okay?” Carole asked Sebastian. “Were there enough pillows on the bed?”

While Kurt highly doubted Sebastian had counted the pillows on the bed, Sebastian nodded anyway. “Yes, it’s perfect. Thanks so much for letting me stay with you both this week.”

Burt shrugged. “Don’t mention it, son. Kurt told us Rachel is gone all day and it would be a pretty boring Thanksgiving break to be in that apartment all by yourself.”

Seb gave one of his genuine smiles, and Kurt had to stop himself from grinning dopily like a love drunk idiot. God, he had to work on that. He needed to quit acting like a cheesy tween girl around Sebastian if he hoped to keep even a scrap of his dignity.

As depressing as it was, Kurt quickly realized that while Carole was indeed cooking, it was at least two hours until lunch. He was famished.

Thankfully, at that exact moment, Bas’s stomach made this almost humorous noise that caused his face to turn slightly pink. He hadn’t known Sebastian’s could blush this often. Until that night when Kurt confronted him, he hadn’t known Sebastian could blush. 

“Did you boys eat breakfast yet?”

They both glanced at the other and Kurt nodded. “We had coffee.”

“Coffee isn’t a meal, Kurt,” his stepmom chastised. “Since this won’t be done for a while, I’ll put something together to fend off the hunger until then. There’s baked ziti in the fridge if that works…”

Sebastian nodded eagerly. “That would be perfect. With Kurt and Rachel and their diets, we never have pasta.”

Burt laughed. “You should’ve seen the weird stuff he ate in high school.”

“Weirder than avocado and spinach in a milkshake?”

Even Carole grimaced. 

Kurt groaned. “It was a smoothie. Besides, that’s actually one of the more common beverages.”

“Vegetables and dairy don’t work together. Under any circumstances.”

“Oh shut it, meerkat.”

“Try me, Princess.”

Burt and Carole looked slightly confused at the nicknames and Sebastian prayed to whatever the hell was out there that he didn’t just seal the Hudson-Hummels’ deep hatred of him.

As they sat down at the kitchen table while he and Kurt wolfed down warmed up ziti, he realized, they didn’t.

He also realized he missed having a family. The parents telling embarrassing stories and everything.

But who knew; maybe this could be his new one.


	22. Perils of Older Brothers

When Finn refused to come upstairs for lunch, Kurt knew he would have to man up and go talk to him. It wasn’t like he was afraid of doing it; he just didn’t know what to say. He had a theory on what Finn’s issue was, but that didn’t mean he was dealing with it the right way.

Once Carole had practically forced Sebastian to go take a nap, and his dad had claimed the television, Kurt sighed and trudged down the basement stairway, not surprised to find his brother playing video games.

“Finn…”

He paused the game, his back still to Kurt. “What happened to him, Kurt?”

Kurt was surprised by the softness of his tone. He had considered Finn’s weirdness might have stemmed from shock, but he had thought it would still be a good share of rage. There wasn’t a hint of anger in Finn’s voice. “It’s not my place to give details, but in short; Sebastian’s life has been hell.”

Finn still didn’t turn around, but Kurt could see a tremor work up his back. “What the hell did his ex do to him to screw him up so bad?”

“I don’t know everything,” Kurt admitted, his face reddening. “But Finn, it was awful.”

“Carole mentioned him being injured and he has a huge scar on his forehead.” Finn finally dared to turn off the TV and turn on his bed so he was facing the smaller boy. “Did he…”

Kurt didn’t want to tell Finn everything; that wasn’t for him to do. But at the same time, he wanted to tell him everything. He wanted Finn to understand. “Yeah.”

Finn’s eyes widened before he closed them and his mouth hardened into a firm line. “Sebastian may have been a dick in high school, but no one deserves that.”

Kurt nodded and felt his blood starting to boil at the memories of the bad nights. “Yeah.”

“Did he go to the police?”

Kurt rubbed his neck and grimaced. “He’s going to testify and put him away for it.”

Finn paled and went blank. “Is he going to be okay?”

“I think so.”

“He looks really bad man. Like he isn’t sleeping or eating. He looks worse then you did with Karofsky.”

Kurt tried to push that memory away. “He doesn’t sleep much, but he’s almost eating healthily.”

Finn shivered. “That’s screwed up.”

He nodded.

“Is he going to visit his parents while he’s here?” Finn noticed Kurt’s expression darken. “Wait, did they hurt him too?”

“Let’s just say they’re not on good terms.”

Finn’s fists clenched. “Why?”

Kurt hoped he was doing Sebastian a favor by telling Finn some of this and not just hurting him. He knew it wasn’t his job to spill all of Seb’s secrets; he just wanted his brother to understand. He just wanted the people he cared about to know so they wouldn’t accidentally hurt him more. 

Sebastian wasn’t fragile, Kurt knew that. But he wasn’t bulletproof either, and the things that hurt him the most from when he was being bullied were the words. The things people said because they didn’t understand. Because no one had pulled their kid aside and told them that being gay wasn’t his fault and that Karofsky had no right to torment him like he did.

He realized he had been looking off into space instead of answering Finn’s questions. “Hmm?’

“Why doesn’t he get along with his family?”

“Because they don’t support who he is.”

“A narcissistic asshole who tortures people with his words for fun?”

Kurt knew he shouldn’t get mad; Finn hadn’t seen what he had, but the words still made his blood boil. “ _No._ They don’t support that he’s gay. They cut off his money and left him to fend for himself in New York City.”

Finn just looked confused. “But why would they do that? It’s not like he can help that.”

Kurt nodded. “Not everyone is as kind to being gay as you guys are. Not every dad handles it like mine.”

“That sucks.”

Kurt smiled at Finn’s choice of words. “Yeah, it really does.”

“You’re a good person, you know. I wouldn’t have done that for Puck after he got Quinn pregnant. Or Santana. Sebastian’s like both of them in one body. Minus the cheerleading outfit and Mohawk.”

“You’d be surprised the things you would do once you’re thrown into the situation.”

Finn shrugged. “Maybe. Anyway, do you know what’s for dinner? Since I missed lunch, I’m kind of starving…”

 

Sebastian had only been sleeping for an hour, but Kurt wished he would wake up soon. He wanted to avoid the talk he knew his father was going to give him. 

He had done everything he could to avoid having to sit and talk to his father; the talk with Finn (he had even tried playing a video game), helping his stepmom clean the kitchen and load the dishwasher, and taking as long as he could to put the rest of their laundry in the dryer. He couldn’t avoid him any longer.

Kurt adjusted his scarf, as if that was going to change their conversation at all, and slid down beside his father on the couch.

Burt ran a hand over his head before turning to his son. “You did a good thing, Kurt.”

That hadn’t been what he was expecting. “Thanks.”

“But I want you to be careful. I know this guy has changed, and that what he went through has made him a completely different person, but that doesn’t mean he can’t hurt you.”

Kurt tried to stifle a defiant spark arising in his chest. “Dad, he isn’t going to try to throw another slushie at me, if that’s what you mean.”

“I didn’t mean physically. I mean emotionally. You were a disaster every time you and Blaine had been fighting. Not to mention when you broke up, and Blaine was terrific about it. I don’t want you to trust this guy, and have him turn around and break you.”

Kurt felt he had an inkling as to what his father meant. “It’s not like that.”

“I didn’t say it was. If it ever is though, be careful. Also, don’t let him turn into a freeloader. What happened to him is horrible, but that doesn’t mean he gets to live off of you and Rachel for a year.”

“He starts work next week. He’ll be working at the same diner Rachel and I do.”

“Are you two doing alright? Balancing school and work? You know that if it becomes too much, all you have to do is ask-”

Kurt smiled. Sometimes he forgot why he loved his father. “We’re fine, Dad. Thanks to you raising me with tight money, I know how to manage mine better than most.”

Burt shook his head. “I’ll hand it to you kid; you’re doing a pretty good job.”

_You have no idea,_ Kurt thought. _You don’t even know about the therapy. You think I’m just paying for food._ “Thanks, Dad.”

“How’s school?”

“You would not believe some of the stuff these kids pull…”

 

Sebastian slept for over three hours. He would’ve been out for longer, but sleep was taking its usual unpleasant turn and he couldn’t just muscle through it like usual when they were back at the apartment. He couldn’t risk having a nightmare and waking up emotionally unhinged.

He took a quick shower, (he hadn’t taken one that morning), and was met by Kurt sitting on his bed.

“Sorry about the way Finn acted. He was just dealing in his own weird way with how different you are.” Kurt looked a bit embarrassed and Sebastian wasn’t sure whether it was because of his family’s actions or the fact that Seb was half through pulling his shirt on.

“It’s fine,” he said with more confidence then he felt. Truthfully, his stomach had been sinking when Finn had given him the cold shoulder. He wanted desperately to atone for his wrongdoings, and the first step was Kurt’s family.

Kurt shook his head and looked up at Seb’s face. “No, it’s not. I talked to him, and it’s all fine now.”

He smiled and wished for just a second that Kurt hadn’t. He knew it wasn’t intentional, and that Kurt was just trying to be helpful, but Sebastian didn’t need to be babied. He could work his problems out with Finn by himself. But it didn’t matter. “What about your dad?”

Kurt genuinely grinned. “He likes you. But why wouldn’t he?”

“I kind of tried to blind you that one time.”

“I called you a half price call girl.”

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. “When did you do that?”

Kurt turned red. “It doesn’t matter. Point is, we were both jerks and now we’re not. That’s all that matters.”

Sebastian stretched out his arms and reveled in the energy he had obtained from his nap. “Alright, let’s go dine with the Brady Bunch.”

Kurt laughed and shoved Sebastian’s shoulder before pulling himself off the bed. “Come on, meerkat.”

 

“So Sebastian, how’s school?” Burt asked as a conversation starter. They had been sitting in silence for almost ten minutes and everyone had been waiting for a way to break the ice.

“Good,” Seb’s face lit up. “Our end of semester performances are coming up, so that’s always exciting. And exhausting as hell.”

Carole smiled. “I’m sure you boys will do fine. Have you picked out your songs yet?”

Kurt shook his head in sync with Seb’s shoulder shrug. “I’ve narrowed it down to a few choices, but nothing’s concrete.”

“What about you Sebastian?”

He bit his lip. “I have no idea.”

She touched his shoulder softly and gives it a reassuring squeeze. “You’ll think of something.”

“You could always just listen to that show tunes station Kurt loves,” Finn suggests through a mouthful of food.

Sebastian smiled at the obvious peace offering. “That’s a good idea. I’ll do that.”

Finn beamed; he didn’t appear to be used to getting praised for his ideas.

Kurt couldn’t believe it; everything was working out. 

_Everything._

He hoped it would stay that way.

 

“Sebastian, I want to talk to ya real quick,” Burt said and motioned with his head toward the back door. 

Sebastian had been helping Carole clean the kitchen while Kurt showered and Finn did God knows what. He put down the sponge he had been using and followed Burt into the small backyard.

He felt his stomach roll as he thought of what this could be about. Did Burt secretly hate him and want him to know it? Did he want to tell him to back off his son? Did he want Kurt to kick Sebastian out? He shut the door hesitantly and turned to face Burt.

“Listen, kid, I know your boyfriend screwed you over, and that you’re different,” Burt rubbed a hand over his bald head. “But that doesn’t mean that I completely trust you.”

Sebastian felt his heart sink and nodded meekly.

“I know that I should, but my son’s greatest fault is that he’s too trusting and loyal. I don’t think you will, but if you hurt him, in any way, I swear, you will wish you had never been born. Are we clear?”

He nodded once again and tried to keep the fear from his eyes. Burt Hummel may have been a few inches shorter, and much older, but Sebastian had no doubt that Burt would take him out if he did something to Kurt. “Yes, sir.”

Burt opened his mouth to say something else when Carole suddenly opened the back door. “Sebastian, it’s for you,” she said holding the phone out for him. Her expression was a mix of confusion and concern. 

He didn’t have to ask to know who it was. He took it with shaky hands and muttered a soft “thanks” before taking it to the living room.

He licked his lips and considered just hanging it up. But he realized that Calvin would just come over here instead, and the last thing he wanted was to see him.

He tried for a normal tone, but his voice came out soft and raspy. “Hello?”

“Sebastian,” his brother snarled; like his name was a foul tasting beverage that he had to spit out. “So the fag returns to Ohio. Not enough men in New York interested in your used up ass?”

Sebastian felt a shiver run up his spine. If Calvin knew he was here, chances were his father would find out soon as well. “How’d you know I was here?”

Calvin laughed; a creepy loud cackle that made Sebastian’s stomach roll as it brought back nauseating memories. “One of my buddies saw you in the airport with that sad excuse of a girly boy you met. Really, Sebastian? I thought being gay meant you liked men.”

Sebastian’s blood began to boil and he clenched his fists. “Don’t you dare insult Kurt. He’s more of a man then you’ll ever be.”

“We’ll see about that. Maybe I should come over there sometime and see how manly your new plaything is.”

Sebastian could feel his fingernails biting into his palm. “Don’t you even think about it,” he hissed low enough that Burt and Carole couldn’t hear him in the other room.

“Or maybe I’ll tell your little friend all about how big of a slut you are. That you were so desperate for someone to touch you that you had-”

“No!” Sebastian yelled into the phone his voice going up a few octaves and loud enough to bring Carole in from the kitchen, concern flooding her face. He knew he must’ve been white as a sheet, his eyes reddening as terror flooded over him. No, they could never know. “Please. Don’t.”

His brother laughed, and Seb swore in that moment he sounded so much like their father that whatever warmth had been in his body left. “We’ll see.” And with that, he hung up, leaving Sebastian scared and shocked in a way he hadn’t felt since the night Kurt rescued him.

Carole walked up and softly touched his cheek. “Who was that?”

Sebastian realized his eyes were wet and puffy and quickly backed up, shaking her hand off before she could feel how hard he was shaking. “Oh, uh, i-it was no one important.”

“Sebastian-”

He shook his head and tried to smile. “Really, I’m fine. I’m just going to go put my pajamas on real fast and then I’ll come back and help you finish the kitchen.”

Carole didn’t want to give in that easily, but at the same time realized she wasn’t going to get anything else out of him, and nodded. “Okay.”

Sebastian handed her the phone and ran up the stairs as quickly as his legs would carry him, his breathing desperate and shallow. 

There wasn’t any air. He couldn’t breathe. He was going to die. He scrambled for the window’s latch in his bedroom and wretched it open before leaning out in the cool night air and taking deep breaths of the cutting cold oxygen, letting it cool his rapidly heating skin and calm his burning eyes and convulsing hands. 

After a few minutes, he managed to calm himself enough to change into sweatpants and a hoodie, tucking his hands into the pocket to hide their tremors. God, he was such a freaking baby.

He leaned back out the window, willing his eyes to cooperate and stop swelling and watering. He felt the first tear slide down his cheek and Seb bit his lip to stop another one from coming. 

“Bas?”

He turned around to see Kurt. He had been so wrapped up in his own thoughts he hadn’t even noticed the other boy. He made eye contact and turned away before he could register the sympathy in Kurt’s eyes. “I-I’m f-f-fine.”

Kurt came up behind him and rubbed his back, his worry doubling when he felt how hard he was shaking. It was scary. “No, you’re not.” 

Sebastian turned toward him and lost the ability to stand, sinking to the ground as Kurt’s arms snaked along his shoulders and held him to his chest. Sebastian wasn’t grossly sobbing as usual. He couldn’t cry like that right now; his whole body was shaking too often and too hard. Tears silently dripped onto Kurt’s shirt.

Kurt dropped a kiss against his hair and ran a hand through it, his other hand ghosting over his back in a way both comforting and protective. Sebastian’s fingers curled tighter around Kurt’s shirt and he buried his face in the hollow between the other boy’s shoulder and neck. 

Kurt wished more than anything that there was more he could do. That he could read minds and comfort Sebastian more than just holding him. That he could erase every bad memory, every bad thought, from the boy’s head. That he could exorcise his demons even though he didn’t know what they were.

“What is it?” Sebastian just shook harder and Kurt kissed his warm forehead. “Please, Bas. Nothing you say is going to change how I see you.”

His voice came out broken and so gentle Kurt almost missed it. “I-I… I can’t.”

Kurt had heard the phone ring from his room a few minutes before and remembered seeing a number he didn’t recognize with a Westerville area code flash across the screen before his stepmother answered it. “Who was on the phone?” Sebastian didn’t answer. “Bas, please.”

“My b-brother,” he murmured. 

Kurt tried to mask his shock. He had thought it would have been his father, but not his brother. “What’d he say?”

Sebastian sat up slowly, his hands dropping into his lap as Kurt’s came to rest on the sides of his face, thumbs rubbing the tear streaks away. Sebastian blinked a few times, the bloodshot whites of his eyes making his green irises seem magnified. “He c-called you a-a-a girl and threatened to come over here a-and hurt y-you.”

Kurt frowned and wondered why this had gotten to him. He had expected Sebastian to react to something like that with fury, not tears. “Bas, it’s okay. He can call me whatever the hell he wants; nothing that comes out of his mouth matters to me.”

Sebastian’s eyes darted to his for a second before dropping. That second was enough though for Kurt to see some underlying pain; something Seb was hiding and keeping to himself. “What else did he say?”

Sebastian shook his head and blinked to deter more tears. “Nothing.”

Kurt wiped Seb’s eyes, his thumb gently running over his eyelashes, and kissed his forehead. He wished he could take the pain away; that his lips could pull all of the bad memories from Sebastian’s mind. But they couldn’t. So he would have to settle for trying to coax it out of him when he could and comforting him physically when he couldn’t.

“You know that nothing you say, that nothing you do, or anything that anyone has done to you, will change how I feel, right? I’m with you through it all, you smirky little meerkat.”

Sebastian’s eyes fluttered open and he offered a watery smile. “I… I know.”

Kurt pulled him back against him and breathed in what he could. Sebastian had a musk all his own; one he couldn’t put into words, and one he would never tire of smelling. The same way every time he touched Sebastian, sparks traveled through his body, even though he had held him closely for hours before. The way his eyes sparkled with joy and his smile, even when it was sarcastic, was one of the most amazing things he had ever seen.

He loved the way when Sebastian was embarrassed, the first thing he did was drop his eyes and smile. He loved the easily obtained excitement he carried with him and how he made every little thing seem like a national event. The way he curled his hands into his sleeves when it was cold. How he would never willingly admit to being wrong, even when it was obvious. He loved how freaking adorable he looked when he was sleeping.

Kurt realized what he was thinking and he smiled widely as he ran his fingers through Sebastian’s soft bristly hair by the nape of his neck.

He always thought about Sebastian, even when he had no need to. He never got mad at him, although he knew one day he would. But he would forgive him an hour later. He couldn’t imagine life without him. It had only been a month but it felt like forever. He knew it was irrational and crazy, but that didn’t make it any less true. He knew the road was going to hard and that obstacles would pop out of nowhere due to what Sebastian had endured. But he didn’t care; none of that mattered. He loved him anyway.

He was in love with Sebastian Smythe.

And he couldn’t be happier.


	23. To Make You Feel My Love

Once Sebastian calmed down, Kurt made him go to bed and promised to come back once he talked to his parents. He didn’t know how early he would be able to return; he wasn’t ready for his parents to discover he often slept in the same bed with Sebastian. Granted, it was under platonic circumstances and he had a better reason than most. Carole would probably understand, after all, she had witnessed firsthand what Danny had done to Sebastian and how severe the trauma had been. But his dad wouldn’t see it that way; he would see it as his son in bed with someone he could be sexually attracted to.

Kurt changed his shirt so no one would ask about the huge wet stain that covered most of his shoulder. Thank God Sebastian wasn’t one of those people who cried more snot then tears. That would be nasty. 

He changed into another pair of pajamas and reluctantly found his way to the living room. 

Carole and his dad were both speaking in hushed tones while sitting on the couch facing each other. His father’s back was to him, so his expression was hidden, but he could see his stepmom’s worry on her creased brow and pressed lips. The face that made him realize how much she looked like Finn. Finn had definitely inherited his father’s face, but he had gotten his mother’s facial expressions and personality.

“Kurt,” she stated, her eyebrows coming together even further. “Do you know who called?”

Burt turned toward him, his eyes inquisitive. Kurt ran a hand over his hair, making sure it wasn’t mussed from sitting on the floor with Seb. “It was his brother.”

It was his father’s turn to look confused. “Why would he call? I thought he and his folks weren’t on speaking terms.”

“They aren’t. He called just to torment him.”

“I can see that. The poor kid looked like he was about to have a heart attack.” Burt adjusted his hat. “Do you know what he said?”

Kurt shook his head. “No. Sebastian wouldn’t tell me.”

Burt nodded and set his lips in a firm line. “If that bastard calls again, come and get me. I don’t care if he’s his brother; that’s not how brothers are supposed to act. Even if he doesn’t like him being gay or whatever the hell his problem is.”

Kurt had a brief flashback to the fight he had with Finn when they were going to start sharing a room. Finn had called him a fag and it had almost destroyed their parents’ relationship. But Finn was nothing like Calvin. Finn was kind and apologized and then protected Kurt on numerous occasions from the onslaughts of high school. “I know.”

Even Carole looked pissed. “Is he okay?”

Kurt nodded. “I told him just to go to bed. He only got three hours last night and he could use all the sleep he can get.”

They both nodded, and Kurt was surprised that no one had inquired why Bas had gotten so little sleep. Carole could have just guessed why; she had spent time with him when she came to NYC, but Burt didn’t know everything. Maybe he was just more perceptive then Kurt gave him credit for.

“I’m going to get something to drink before I head up to bed,” Kurt stated as he dragged his suddenly haggard body into the kitchen.

Carole followed him wordlessly and Kurt knew she was just hoping he would tell her something he didn’t want to say in front of his father.

He poured himself a glass of water and passed her the pitcher. “Carole, you should have seen him. I haven’t seen him that upset in weeks.”

She nodded sympathetically, worry coating her face. “Do you honestly not know any of what his brother said?”

“Sadly.” He realized his hand was shaking as he tried to take a sip and almost drenched himself. “Sebastian’s told me some stuff; I know his dad used to hit him, and that his brother would jump in every once in a while. I just feel like it’s something more; like there’s another half to the story he’s not telling me.”

“Kurt, if what you just said is true, it’s completely realistic to believe that he could break down after his brother threatened to come after him. You don’t understand it, but you know how little elephants are tied with rope to a wooden stake so they learn not to run away?” He nodded. “The funny thing is, when the elephant is fully grown and tied with a measly rope to that splinter of a stake, it still doesn’t run away. Even though that elephant is huge now, and it could easily pull that stake out of the ground; it doesn’t. Because its head is filled with so many memories of not being able to escape, that now it doesn’t think it can.”

Kurt understood where she was going with this, even though it was one of her weirder comparisons. She had been spending way too much time with his father. “What you mean is, even though logically Sebastian has no reason to be afraid of them, he still is subconsciously?”

She nodded. “Listen, Kurt, I’ve seen how you look at him. I can see how you feel every time you talk about him. Both your father and your brother have no idea, and don’t worry; I won’t tell them. But you need to be careful. Dating Sebastian won’t be easy. I’ve seen how long and hard the road to recovery is, and trust me, it’s just as hard for those they love.”

Kurt’s face was reddening. “I know that. But it’s not his fault.”

“I never said it was. I just need you to know what you’re getting into. Honey, Sebastian will always struggle with things. He may be good now, but times will come when it will get bad again; he’ll stop eating well again, he won’t sleep, he’ll be unable to be in heavily populated places, like school or work.”

“What are you saying?” Kurt could feel a ball of anger beginning to swirl around inside his chest. “That Sebastian is broken goods and I should just leave him where I found him?”

“No,” she placed a hand on his bicep, “what I mean is that you just need to know that. Both of the men I married had dark pasts; Finn’s father had been a heavy drug user and your father had been widowed by his true life and left with a son who he believed needed a mother more than a father. I know relationships don’t come without a price; I’m just preparing you for the fact that yours is going to be steeper than most. You’re going to have to give things up.”

Kurt thought about what she was saying. He knew loving Sebastian would cost more than it would to love someone else. It wouldn’t be like it was with Blaine; he would have to do more than remember to call on holidays and before performances. He would have to be prepared to drop his own plans due to bad days. He would have to monitor his sleeping and eating patterns. 

But he would get to run his fingers through his hair when he fell asleep during a movie. He could hold his hand as they walked around the city. He could kiss his forehead and wrap his arms around his shoulders when he had a bad day. He could roll his eyes when he made fun of his beamish fashion choices. He could go to all of his shows and have him go to all of his.

It would be hard and at times, he knew he would be bone weary. But it would be worth it. “I know. And I don’t care.” Kurt swallowed the lump forming in the back of his throat and decided it was time to stop lying to himself. And the first step was to admit it out loud. “I’m in love with him.”

She smiled. “Okay.”

They sat in silence for a minute before Kurt dared to ask the question he had been dying to ask the whole time. “Do you think he likes me, you know, like that?”

She laughed. “Of course he does! Honey, you two are so obvious. Just don’t get together while you’re here, okay? I don’t think your dad’s ready for that one yet.”

Kurt grinned. Now all he had to do was wait until they got home and tell him. He could intenerate his father’s heart toward the idea over time. “I will.”

She kissed him on the cheek. “Go get some sleep. If Sebastian’s still up, tell him the same goes for him.”

“Night, Carole.”

Kurt left the kitchen with a new spring in his step; sure, Sebastian had told him he loved him that one time, but it hadn’t been under normal circumstances. And yeah, they had kissed and Sebastian hadn’t told him to bug off. He had been worried it was just because he was Seb’s only means of survival in the city. 

He wouldn’t say anything until they were back in New York. Even though every cell in his body wanted him to do it right now. He’d have to wait.

Kurt reached Bas’s room and knocked on the door softly before entering. The only response he got was an incoherent grumble that he translated into the fact that Sebastian was indeed still awake.

He slipped into the pitch black room and set an alarm on his phone to wake him up early so he could head back to his own bed before Carole and Burt were up. Luckily, Seb slept through everything so he wasn’t worried that the alarm would arouse them both. Placing the phone on the other boy’s bedside, Kurt crawled under the covers beside Sebastian. 

Sebastian’s eyes slid open into slits and Kurt saw they were still red and puffy. His hands weren’t shaking anymore, but Kurt could tell he hadn’t completely recovered from that stupid phone call.

“C’mere,” Kurt slid over so he was closer to the middle of the bed before holding his arms out for Sebastian to nestle into. Sebastian’s head rested on his shoulder and Kurt’s fingers ghosted over his neck and hair. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Sebastian shook his head and knotted his fingers in his shirt. “I just want to sleep, please?”

“Sure,” Kurt kissed his forehead. “You need it.”

As he lay there, all Kurt could think about was what Carole had told him earlier; how a relationship with Sebastian would require more sacrifice than normal.

_When the rain_

_Is blowing in your face_

_And the whole world_

_Is on your case_

_I could offer you_

_A warm embrace_

_To make you feel my love_

How nights like this wouldn’t be few; nights when Sebastian’s mind worked overtime and the only thing that would calm him enough to sleep was Kurt. Days when Sebastian wouldn’t be able to go to work or school because he couldn’t face the repercussions of his past. Times when Sebastian wouldn’t eat. Nights when the nightmares got so bad he made himself sick.

_When the evening shadows_

_And the stars appear_

_And there is no one there_

_To dry your tears_

_I could hold you_

_For a million years_

_To make you feel my love_

But holding him in his arms, feeling the heat and weight of the other boy’s body on his own, Kurt realized not only was it not a big deal, but that it didn’t matter.

He was in love with him. 

_I know you haven't made your mind up yet_

_But I would never do you wrong_

_I've known it from the moment that we met_

_No doubt in my mind where you belong_

All those years he had spent thinking these sorts of relationships would just end in heartache and misery; he had been wrong. He realized love was a mugging. It snuck up on you when you would least expect it and then it paralyzed all of your common sense and good judgment. Unlike a mugging though, love left you with a stupefying happiness that numbed everything as opposed to a God-I’m-dead adrenaline rush.

_I'd go hungry_

_I'd go black and blue_

_I'd go crawling_

_Down the avenue_

_No, there's nothing_

_That I wouldn't do_

_To make you feel my love_

Sebastian nuzzled closer to Kurt’s neck so his forehead rested beneath the side of Kurt’s jaw. Kurt could feel his pulse rushing in his ears and at the same time, his muscles relaxed. Sebastian made him melt and freeze up; everything about him was an oxymoron. 

_The storms are raging_

_On the rolling sea_

_And on the highway of regret_

_Though winds of change_

_Are throwing wild and free_

_You ain't seen nothing_

_Like me yet_

One minute Kurt wanted to erase that smirk and the next he would give anything to see a hint of it. There were moments when Sebastian seemed to be filled to the brim with self-confidence and times when all self-worth was absent. Half of his life Kurt had dreamt that Sebastian would move to Africa or some equally miserable place and now… all he wanted was to share a shoebox in Manhattan with  
that meerkat.

_I could make you happy_

_Make your dreams come true_

_Nothing that I wouldn't do_

_Go to the ends_

_Of the Earth for you_

_To make you feel my love_

_To make you feel my love_

Kurt closed his eyes and tried to go to sleep. His heart rate was finally slowing to normal as Sebastian body began to melt and the rigidness of fear and stress left him. Kurt absently ran his hand over the back of Sebastian’s head one last time before he let his hand rest comfortably between his shoulder blades. His back swelled and deflated slowly as he fell asleep and it was enough to finally let Kurt’s mind rest.

He knew it was a bit of a risk, and that Sebastian might indeed be awake, but he whispered it anyway. Just soft enough for the both of them to hear. He had to say it after what Carole told him, even though he wouldn’t tell a conscious Sebastian for days.

“I love you.”

And with that, Kurt finally fell asleep.


	24. Thanksgiving: Part 1

Kurt’s plan had worked. His alarm had gotten him up and into his own bed perfectly a half hour before Carole woke up, and an hour before Burt. Finn wouldn’t be up for hours, same with Sebastian, so Kurt decided to fall back asleep.

He only got an hour before he couldn’t sleep anymore. His stomach began growling courtesy of the heavenly smells wafting up the staircase. Food not prepared by him or Rachel: something so sacred even he had to get out of bed for it.

He went through a rushed morning routine, combing his hair with his fingers and not even bothering to get dressed. Speaking of clothes, he would need to go shopping the next day. Sebastian’s three outfits were getting gross, and to be honest, he wanted some new clothes too. Before taking in Sebastian, he hadn’t understood why his father rationed their clothing money so much. Now he understood.

He ran his fingers over the staircase railing and took a deep breath. He would never admit it, but he missed being home sometimes. The serenity and love he found at his house was something he hoped to create in New York one day, but until then, he would enjoy every moment he spent there.

“Morning Kurt,” Carole smiled over from the sink. She was making scrambled eggs and bacon. She also had batter for something else under her arm.

“Morning,” he mumbled back before raiding the fridge for something to drink. They only had orange juice and milk, so he settled for OJ. “Where’s Dad?”

“He went to get something in the garage,” she rolled her eyes. Half the time when Burt “went to get something” he was actually starting some sort of project. “How’d you sleep?”

“Well,” Kurt rubbed his eyes again. “You?”

“Took me a while to fall asleep, but once I did, I was out like a light.” She poured the whisked mix onto a skillet. He realized she was making pumpkin pancakes.

“I completely forgot today was Thanksgiving.”

She smiled. “Well, it is. And you and I have lots of cooking to do today. By the way, your father wants to make a bonfire later tonight in the yard for us to make s’mores. He’ll probably have Sebastian and Finn help him with getting wood. You think Sebastian will be okay with that?”

Kurt smiled. “No promises that he’ll be useful; he’s a pampered little rich boy when it comes to physical labor. You should have seen his sorry attempts at cleaning back at the apartment.” Carole laughed lightly. “But yeah, he’ll be fine.”

“Your father will probably head out to the woods around lunch, so our sleepy heads won’t miss out on sleeping in.”  
Kurt heard someone trudging down the stairs. And judging by the loud footfall, but not of earth-shattering proportions, it was Sebastian. 

“He’s almost as loud as Finn,” she snorted. 

“Tell me about it.”

Sebastian ran his hand along the wall as he rubbed his eyes. It was too early for him to be up on a holiday, but he couldn’t fall back asleep and the smells drifting up from the kitchen were enough for him to drag his sorry self out of bed. 

“Morning,” he murmured over a yawn. God, it was early. He leaned against the door frame, and with his half-open eyes and hands buried in his hoodie pocket, both Hummel-Hudsons were very worried about the real possibility that he would fall asleep right then and there.

“Morning sweetie,” Carole grinned as she made more of the fluffy pancakes. “Did you get any sleep?”

He offered a half smile. “Yep. Sorry; not a morning person.”

“Believe it or not, Sebastian, you look like you might be less of one then Kurt.” She groaned inwardly. What was it about boys and the morning? She had been hoping to rope them both in to go Black Friday shopping with her the next day and getting up early was fundamental to surviving the holiday. Looks like Starbucks would be their first stop. “Remind me to tell you the stories of your roommate during exam week or a show weekend. They’re AFV worthy.”

“Carole!” Kurt felt his neck flush. Sebastian did not need to know about any of those tales. Some of them were more cringe-worthy than baby pictures.

Sebastian smiled at Kurt’s obvious disdain. “I’ll definitely take you up on that.” 

Kurt groaned and dropped his head onto his folded arms. The cool granite did little to calm the heat rising to his face. 

The door to the garage slammed and Burt strolled into the kitchen, his usual baseball cap already perched atop his head. “Mornin’.”

Kurt lifted his head up and offered a weak smile. Carole grinned from her spot by the stove and Sebastian waved as his other palm dug into his eye.

Burt chuckled. “You two look like you got hit by trucks. Good to know nothing has changed.”

“I don’t always look like I’ve been hit by a truck in the morning,” Kurt mumbled.

“Just on weekdays,” Sebastian replied with a smirk.

Kurt glared at him. “Is this coming from the walking corpse?”

Sebastian grinned. “I prefer the term walking dead. It makes me feel edgy.”

Kurt groaned and dropped his head back against his arms. “I’m not ready to be a productive member of society. It’s too early.”

Burt rolled his eyes. “You two will live. Are those pancakes almost done?” Burt had tried to mask his desperation, but he sounded like an eager puppy anyway. 

Carole laughed and motioned for him to set up the table. “Almost. What time do I need to wake up Finn? He’ll want to eat before you guys start collecting wood for the bonfire.”

“The wood won’t take long. An hour at best, so around eleven or so. I was hoping to watch the game after lunch.”

Carole gave him a look that reeked of ‘no duh.’ “I figured. So remind me to go get him.”

Sebastian made a mental note to watch some of the game with Burt. It might help him get on his good side. He still wasn’t sure where they stood and he would rather put in a little more effort than not. Even though he was taller and probably in better shape thanks to their morning runs, he was still scared as hell of the older man. 

Sebastian and Kurt dragged themselves into the dining room to help Burt set the table; the sooner dishes and utensils were in place, the sooner they would get to feast upon Carole’s heavenly pancakes. 

“So Sebastian, unless you want to help Kurt and Carole in the kitchen, how do ya feel about helping Finn and me collect and cut up some firewood for the bonfire?”

Sebastian’s brain was still a bit sluggish, but it still picked up on a please-like-me opportunity. “Sure. I can’t promise I’ll be very useful with an ax, but I’ll try.”

Burt smiled. “It’s easy. You’ll catch on quick.”

Sebastian sheepishly smiled back as he thought _I hope so._

Once Carole had brought the food over to the table, and Finn had surfaced, everyone was too busy eating to make small talk. Not that Sebastian wanted to talk about something, but it was odd to eat a meal in such adamant silence after spending so long just sharing meals with Kurt and Rachel. It went without saying meals weren’t quiet with the both of them at the table.

Wordlessly, they cleared the table, and Kurt kept his eye on Sebastian for any signs of the broken edition he had witnessed the night before.

He knew Sebastian would always be chipped in some places; that he could never heal totally. But the night before was bad. A type of bad Kurt didn’t want to see again.

Sebastian headed upstairs after he finished eating and Kurt followed him.

“You okay?” His hand brushed the small of Sebastian’s back. He knew it was a bit risky to show any form of physical affection toward him in the house (his parents could show up around the corner at any minute,) but he figured it was innocent enough for them not to suspect anything.

Sebastian nodded, his face turning crimson. “Yeah. Sorry about last night.”

Kurt gave him a look. “Don’t apologize. You know who needs to say sorry, and it’s not you.”

Sebastian shrugged like he didn’t have the energy to argue with Kurt.

“Just remember you can take a break today if you need to. Finn and my dad can be a bit much. Plus, you can always just come work with Carole and me in the kitchen.” Seb flashed a small smile his way and Kurt smiled back.

They realized they had stopped in the hallway, and Kurt could feel his pulse speeding once he noticed how close they were. Sebastian was only half a foot away, and it would be so easy just to...

He patted Sebastian’s shoulder softly before turning away and heading for his room. He had to wait. Just until they were back in New York.

Sebastian waited a few seconds, staring at Kurt’s retreating back, before following his lead and disappearing into his own room.

 

Chopping the wood was harder and easier than Sebastian had thought it would be. 

The actual swinging of the ax was hard; Sebastian’s legs may have been in shape, but his arms weren’t anything special. But luckily, he only had to cut the larger pieces down to a manageable size, so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Both Burt and Finn’s piles of wood were at least twice as tall as his once they were done though.

The good part about the activity though was that it gave him time to unwind and think. It was totally mindless work, and for a minute he understood why some people enjoyed those simple jobs he had always glared down his nose at as a kid. They let you escape without drugs or alcohol. 

Once they were finished, Sebastian’s face and hands were numb even though he had borrowed a pair of Finn’s gloves and one of Kurt’s least showy hats. He had forgotten how cold Ohio was in the winter. Not that New York was warm and toasty, but at least there, when he left the apartment, body heat was always there to keep him a bit warmer. 

Carole laughed at them when they finally came inside. “You boys look freezing.”

Burt shrugged. “No colder than usual.”

Sebastian cringed. He was a human popsicle and he was wearing a hoodie and a jacket. Burt was just wearing a jacket and a baseball cap. How he wasn’t chilled to the bone was beyond him. 

Finn’s eyes lit up once he saw a pot on the stove. “Is that hot chocolate?”

“You bet. So go put your coats and gloves up and I’ll pour you some.”

Finn made a comical, almost childishly delighted facial expression at that and darted off. 

“Your nose and cheeks are bright red, Sebastian,” Carole chuckled. “Sure you aren’t cold?”

He figured there was no point denying it. “Freezing.”

“Well, same goes for you. Just toss your stuff with Finn’s and I’ll pour you some too. It should warm you up.”

The cold had been making his nose run, so the transcendent smells from the kitchen hadn’t been able to berate his nose. Now though…

He was mildly ashamed to say he was right behind Finn. His teeth were still trying to chatter and his hands were tucked beneath his arms so he could bring some warmth back to them.

They all sat at the kitchen table while Burt messed with the TV.

Kurt tried not to laugh at Sebastian. Even though they had only grown up an hour away from each other, he could imagine Seb wasn’t used to being outside in the Antarctic temp. Especially not to do any physical labor. 

Sebastian’s whole mug was gone in a minute flat. “This is amazing.”

“Thank you,” Carole smiled. Kurt could tell she was trying not to laugh at him. “Would you like more?”

“Yes please.” A shiver traveled through Seb’s spine and he tried to hide it.

A semi troubling thought found its way into Kurt’s mind. Maybe part of the reason Bas was so cold was due to his weight… This week would definitely do wonders for him, but he was still too thin. Still tinier than he was in high school. His shoulders stuck out under his sweater like bony bird wings.

Even though Black Friday was chaos in Lima, Kurt decided he might as well brave the crowds and get them both some clothes. He could probably get Sebastian some thick sweaters to keep him warm once they went back to New York… At least they wouldn’t be as ugly as the sweatshirt he had on now. Besides the shameful moments when he would give in and slip on one of Finn’s, Kurt detested hoodies. They were so ugly it made his lip curl.

“How’s the cooking?” Sebastian asked, pulling Kurt from his thoughts. 

Kurt grinned. “Dear God, I have missed food with actual calories in it. I’m going to pig out tonight, and I’m not even bothered by it.”

Sebastian could smell it. His mind was screaming at him to run for it, to not even dare to look at all that fat he would be ingesting. But he pushed it back; tried to focus on the fact that Kurt and Carole needed him to fight it. Besides, he just drank a whole mug of hot chocolate without even counting the calories. And a second one was coming.

He suddenly felt self-conscious about it.

Kurt cringed when he saw the change in Seb’s body language. “You are going to love the food tonight.”

Finn glanced up from whatever he had been doing on his phone and nodded with his puppy-like enthusiasm. “Dude, it’s amazing. My mom is like the best cook in the whole world. One year she made two turkeys so I could eat one all by myself. It was totally worth it.”

Sebastian's eyes went wide. He looked both terrified and awed. 

Kurt bit back a laugh. “You’re about to see a real-life human garbage disposal in action tonight, Sebastian.”

Finn shrugged. 

“Here you go, hon,” Carole said as she refilled Sebastian and Finn’s mugs. 

Sebastian felt a weight sinking in his stomach as the scent filled the air again. The voice was back, and he didn’t know what to do. He could feel his face paling, and Kurt was eyeing him expectantly. Like he wanted him to drink it. 

But he couldn’t. His hands wouldn’t wrap around the mug. They wouldn’t help him fatten up.

He could feel the liquid already in his gut. It was sloshing around, taunting him. _Weak. Only weak people would have given in._

Bas dug his fingers into his bicep and bit his lip. _No. He wasn’t weak. He was strong. Kurt said he was strong…_

But he said it anyway. “Excuse me.”

Bile was crawling up his throat like a creeping vine. He tried to hold it in; running to the bathroom would blow his cover. Kurt couldn’t know; he would be so disappointed. 

He closed the bathroom door, turned on the fan and sink, and gave in.

His hands gripped the side of the seat as the hot chocolate came up. And his breakfast. He felt his eyes begin to water. 

_No._

_He had given in._

He flushed the toilet and fell back against the wall, his fists knotted in his hair. _Kurt was going to be so mad at him. After all that time Kurt had spent working out with him, trying to help him get over it without getting him any professional help or telling anyone._

_Kurt would send him to an institution. He had told him he didn’t want to, but if Sebastian was this hopeless…_

His stomach scrunched even more at the thought. _They would force feed him; make him eat so much he puked. And when he wouldn’t keep it down, they would hook him up to a tube and make sure he ate that way…_

“Bas?”

It was Kurt. Sebastian wiped his eyes on his sleeve and gargled with the sink water before responding. “Yeah?”

“You okay?”

“I’m fine. Just washing my face.” He splashed it for good measure. It would cover up his red and puffy eyes. He needed to stop crying. He was like a freaking tear factory these days.

He dried his face off on a towel and opened the door; he knew Kurt wouldn’t go away unless he saw him.

Kurt’s eyes searched his face. “What is it?”

“Nothing,” he stated, crossing his arms and leaning against the door post for what he could only hope was a natural looking pose.

Kurt cringed. “Bas, your eyes are red.”

“I just splashed my face with hot water, Kurt.”

“To cover up that they were red before. We don’t have to talk about it, but I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” He reached up and fixed Sebastian’s hair _(it was probably a mess from when he had buried his fingers in it,)_ his fingers deftly rearranging the strands. “There. Now you look presentable.”

He rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t help smiling. God, Kurt was such a _mom._

They walked down the stairs and Sebastian hoped he didn’t have puke breath. He wondered if Kurt knew he had purged up his stomach contents. Maybe. 

He glanced at him briefly but didn’t see any of the usual worry ticks that would imply Kurt had figured him out.

Kurt smiled at him before heading back to the kitchen to help Carole cook.

Great. Now Sebastian had to face his greatest challenge: he had to watch a game with Finn and Burt. And act like he wasn’t thinking the whole time about the many ways Burt could silently murder him. Or how easily Finn could hide his emaciated body.

Or whether Burt had figured out that he and Kurt might be… something. 

His pulse was racing and his face was starting to flush. _Calm down._

Today was just not going to be his day.


	25. Thanksgiving: Part 2

The game wasn’t as bad as Sebastian had thought it would be. Burt and Finn were so enthralled that they barely noticed him. Except during commercials. Burt would ask questions during the ones for vacuums and insurance, but never anything more than stuff about the city, school, or work. 

Sebastian had been worried for no reason. The only thing that was hard was acting like he was on top of sports. Ever since he had moved to the city, and especially once he moved in with Danny, keeping up with sports teams and scandals hadn’t been on the top of his priorities list. 

One benefit of the game was that their lunch was all snack foods, so all Sebastian had to do was pretend to be so into the game that he didn’t have time to eat a handful of chips. 

Kurt would come out occasionally and stand behind the couch for a minute until he was reminded of why he hated sports and then he would just return to the kitchen to mock Finn and Burt’s intensity with Carole. 

Once it was over, everyone sat in the dining room to participate in humiliating family story sharing. Sebastian hadn’t known when exactly the Hummel-Hudson family had come together, but he was surprised to learn Burt and Carole had gotten married when both the boys were in high school. 

There was a slight lull in the conversation so Sebastian decided to break the ice. “So, how did you two meet then?”

Carole laughed and Burt shot Kurt a funny look. “Well, we have Kurt to thank for that. He had just strolled up with his father, introduced us, and stated all the things he knew we had in common.” Kurt groaned and murmured something incoherent that sounded close to _it was so stupid of me._

Burt adjusted his baseball cap. “I was so embarrassed.”

Carole chuckled. “I thought it was cute. Kurt was so convincing, I actually talked to him. And the rest is history. We got married and I don’t regret a single moment of it. Even the weird or awkward ones.”

Kurt and Finn exchanged a look that radiated _easy for you to say._

No one offered up any stories, so Sebastian just figured he would just ask Kurt for some of the more interesting ones later on.

They talked a bit about how odd it was when Kurt and Finn learned they were going to be brothers, but how once they got over the initial awkwardness, it was surprising how well they got along. They even talked about the time Kurt was on the football team. Sebastian laughed for a minute straight before Finn stated that Kurt had been one of the best kickers the team had ever had. 

“Wait, Kurt Hummel, Mr. Showtune over here, was not only on a football team, but he won a game?” Seb wasn’t sure whether he believed it or not. 

Kurt gave him a glare. One that would have melted him if he wasn’t a donor of the same look often. “Yes. Is it really that hard to believe?”

Sebastian shrugged. “It’s just that if there were two words that I thought I would never hear in the same sentence they would be ‘Kurt Hummel’ and ‘football.’”

Burt nodded. “Believe me, kid, I thought the same thing.” 

Kurt’s cheeks brightened. “It was weird. And clearly not for me. Topic changing time. So Sebastian, got any family friendly tales from your days at Dalton?”

Sebastian shrugged and hated how many embarrassing things came to mind. But the family-friendly part of Kurt’s request stuck out to him the most. Then one came to him that he could creatively word. “One.”

Kurt raised an eyebrow as if pleasantly surprised. “Really? Do tell.”

He rubbed his neck and both hated and liked how interested everyone seemed to be in a stupid story from his high school days. His own parents would never have reacted like this to something this unimportant. “Well, as I’m sure Kurt never hid from you, I was quite the… uh, delinquent at Dalton. I spent lots of my time in the principal’s office for dumb things.

“But up until I started at Dalton, freshman year, I was all talk, no game. So one night, my second week there, I decided to get drunk with all of my new friends from whatever weird crap freshman me was into. But unlike most of these boys, I hadn’t really drunk more than a sip or so before that night, so saying I was a loopy drunk would be an understatement.

“Only two beers in, and I was singing Chicago at the top of my lungs and laughing so hard at everything I would cry.” Kurt couldn’t help it; he started laughing. It was just so far off from the sophisticated drunk Sebastian in his mind that he couldn’t control himself. “Of course, it got to the point in the night where we started to get tired and I had a bunch of quizzes the next day, so I left the lacrosse field, where we had been drinking, and headed back to the dorms. Well, since I was new and hopelessly intoxicated, I got a bit lost.”

Finn’s jaw was dropped. “Dude, what did you do?”

Sebastian cringed. God, this story was probably not the one he should have told now that he was thinking about it. Burt might never let him even talk to Kurt after he found out how big of an idiot he was. “I was so wasted I didn’t even bother looking around when I got to what I assumed was my room. I just peeled off my blazer, balled it up, and slept on the floor. It was pitch black, and I didn’t want to risk waking up my roommate by turning the light on, so I didn’t really know where I was.”

Carole chuckled and even Burt shed a hint of a smile. “Turned out, I didn’t fall asleep in my room. I was woken up by someone flicking the lights on, and after puking all over my makeshift pillow and a lovely Turkish rug, I realized I had fallen asleep in the student government’s meeting room.”

Everyone was laughing, and even though Sebastian couldn’t beat down the embarrassment of the fact that he had actually done something so dumb, he couldn’t help smiling along with them. Because while they were laughing at him to some extent, they were mostly laughing with him. And it felt great.

Burt pulled his cap off and rubbed his bald head. “Oh God, that reminds me of the dumb things I did in high school…” Sebastian waited for him to mention something about how drinking underage is horrible, but Burt just continued smiling to himself. 

Carole chuckled. “I’m not even going to go there.”

Sebastian tried to hide his shock, but Kurt caught it and wiggled his eyebrows at him. “You aren’t the only teenager to drink, believe it or not.”

Finn nervously smiled. Like he believed there was someone at that table who was under the oppression he had never touched alcohol.

“You two aren’t drinking, are you?” Burt asked. “You know I don’t want you drinking period, but especially not somewhere that dangerous. It’s not like Lima, where getting drunk just means you call a friend to pick you up and the only consequence is that you’re hungover the next morning. It isn’t safe to drink somewhere where so many crimes are committed every night.”

Sebastian felt his chest tighten. _It’s not safe to drink anywhere. There are bad men here in Lima too._ He thought about saying it but decided against it. It would only lead to even more questions that he really didn’t want to answer. It also would lead his mind to places it didn’t need to be.

Kurt rolled his eyes and groaned. “Dad, I’m not that dumb. And no, we aren’t drinking. One thing I’m learning from supporting myself is that alcohol is such a waste of money.”

Carole smiled while Burt nodded. “Good.”

A soft quiet drifted over them and Carole went to make a pot of coffee. Burt joined her after a minute and the three boys tried to ignore that the silence was getting awkward.

Kurt had an idea. “Hey, Bas.”

“Hmm?”

“Want to go upstairs and look through old yearbooks and reminisce?”

Sebastian latched onto the lifeline Kurt was tossing him. “Sure.”

Kurt glanced at Finn. “Want to join us?”

Finn shook his head and headed for the kitchen. “Nah, you two go. I’ll just stay down here and watch some more football with Burt.”

As soon as they were in Kurt’s room, Bas let out a breath he hadn’t been aware he was holding.

Kurt smiled softly and nudged his shoulder. “That bad, huh?”

Sebastian shook his head and tucked his hands under his arms. “No. I just don’t like... I don’t know…” He shrugged and tried to make his mind put his incoherence into words.

Kurt figured out what he meant. “Sebastian Smythe, are you telling me you don’t like being the center of attention?”

Sebastian felt not just his face flush, but his neck lit up scarlet too. 

Kurt raised his eyebrows and laughed softly. “I’m just giving you hard time. I get it. But I’ll give you credit; they seemed to like the tale of young Sebastian’s debauchery. You’ll need to share more of those stories, but I’d recommend keeping most of them between us.”

Sebastian smirked as they sat on the floor, backs against Kurt’s bed as Kurt gathered all of his old yearbooks. “Really? I’m assuming the ones you want to hear then are… let’s just say, not family friendly?”

Kurt swatted at Sebastian’s shoulder. “Exactly.”

Sebastian leaned against Kurt, so their thighs and shoulders touched. “Let’s see pictures of young, chubby-cheeked Kurt.”

Kurt cringed. “Chubby cheeked is right. Thank God for puberty.”

Sebastian cracked up. “I’ve heard you say some weird things, but thanking God for puberty is by far the weirdest. Puberty was disgusting.”

Kurt shrugged. “It was helpful though. Middle school was so bad…”

“Yeah.” Sebastian’s mind drifted to his post-France, pre-Dalton years. “I guess puberty did help. I just wish the growth spurt had hit earlier.”

Kurt raised an eyebrow. “Why? Were you one of those really shrimpy eighth graders?”

Sebastian picked at one of his fingernails. “Sort of. I certainly wasn’t one of those idiot gorillas who seemed to grow an inch a month.”

“I was a midget. A healthy weight midget.” Kurt placed a yearbook over both of their legs and smiled at the pictures while Sebastian scanned for one with Kurt in them. “I hated it. Even then, I knew I wasn’t really straight, but it still hurt that I never got those cheesy valentines or secret admirer notes from one of those desperate middle school girls.”

Sebastian bit his lip. “I was the same way. Except I was the scrawny, French boy. Well, as you know, I’m not actually French, but when I first came back I would slip into French when I got upset. The boys used to torment me over it.”

Kurt had figured Sebastian hadn’t had as easy of a time in school as he made it seem, but he hadn’t thought that he would be able to relate to Kurt’s experience. “You were bullied, too?”

He nodded. “I wish I hadn’t let it turn me into such an ass. I guess I figured if I never gave anyone the chance to see I wasn’t invincible, they couldn’t get close enough to hurt me again.” Sebastian rubbed his eyes with one hand. “God, that sounds stupid.”

Kurt shook his head adamantly. “No, I get it. I may not have been as bad as you were, but I certainly was no angel either. I wish I hadn’t done the things I did either, but as much as we wish we were, we aren’t indestructible. And all those bad things people said, bad things people did, they get to us. We aren’t supposed to be untouchable.” Kurt looked down and smiled.

Sebastian was pretty certain Kurt was losing it. “What are you smiling about?”

“Nothing. Just this horrible picture of a little blond Finn.”

Sebastian’s eyes widened as he found it. “No way. That’s hilarious.”

“Blackmail, oh sweet blackmail.”

Sebastian raised an eyebrow in surprise. “I didn’t know you did blackmail, Princess. Almost positive that was one of the reasons you hated me.”

Kurt smirked. “I was kidding. You think the king of sarcasm would have that figured out.”

Sebastian pointed at an image of a young, freckled Kurt. “I gotta give it to you, Princess, you can rock freckles.”

Kurt flushed. “Thanks. I hated them though. I used to spend hours at the library trying to find ways to bleach them.”

“I think they’re adorable.”

“Too bad we don’t have any pictures of you from middle school. I want to see this scrawny, French boy.”

Sebastian figured it wouldn’t hurt. It’s not like Kurt would laugh at him. “There are a few in your Dalton yearbook from senior year.”

Kurt dug through the pile and found it. “Oh yeah! You were one of the featured students, or something right? So you have a whole page filled with pictures of cute little Sebastian.”

Sebastian dropped his head on one hand. “Please never use those adjectives, it that order, while referring to me ever again.”

Kurt flipped through the book until he found it. It was like a window into high school.

It was a whole page of pictures of Sebastian, mostly through high school, with a few of his younger self. Mostly for comic relief.

“Oh my God, you were adorable.” Kurt laughed. “How old were you in this one? Six?”

Sebastian could feel his face redden. “Since I had no front teeth, probably. I didn’t have many pictures, and since it was a whole page, I had to fill it with what I could find. Sadly, these are the least embarrassing.”

“You had even more freckles than me. Not to mention you don’t have what you eloquently called ‘a bad case of the gay face.’”

“Yeah, that wasn’t one of my better days. Sorry about that.”

“It’s fine. To be fair, I wasn’t nice to you either.” Kurt turned to Sebastian and realized how close their faces were. It would be so easy to just lean a little…

No. _He couldn’t do it here._

“Let’s make a deal.”

Sebastian grinned. “What is this? A game show?”

Kurt rolled his eyes and mentally thanked Sebastian for ruining the… tension between them with his stupidity. “No. More of a pact I guess. Let’s both never bring up what idiots we were in high school unless it’s in a way that isn’t self-deprecating or to hurt the other’s feelings.” Kurt held out his pinky. “Deal?”

Sebastian laughed. “Fine. I _pinky_ swear. Sorry Kurt, but there’s no way to describe this other than gay.”

“Good thing that’s a box we both check then.”

Sebastian shook his head incredulously and dropped his cheek onto Kurt’s shoulder. He was quiet as he began worrying at his lip. “Is it just me, or does all of this seem a bit surreal?”

Kurt lifted the hand that wasn’t flipping through the yearbook and ran it through Sebastian’s hair. “What do you mean?”

He tried to think of a way to word it. “Like, any moment, I’m going to blink, and this will all be gone. It’s just too perfect to be real.”

Kurt smiled and kissed Sebastian’s hair. He knew it was risky to even think of Sebastian that way with his parents and brother directly below them, but it felt more like instinct than sexual urges. “I wouldn’t say it’s perfect, but it’s definitely real.”

Sebastian smiled. “Well, nothing’s completely perfect, but it’s close. Pretty damn close.”

Kurt settled for nodding and dropping his cheek against Sebastian’s head. “Yeah. Pretty damn close.”

 

Before Sebastian realized it, it was time for Thanksgiving dinner.

Kurt still hadn’t picked up on his minor backpedaling, but he knew it wouldn’t take long.

The happiness of their reminiscing and closeness left as swiftly as it had come.

Kurt was going to be mad at him. And no matter how many times repeated the mantras Kurt had told him: _you are perfect, you’re not fat, your weight is healthy, you need food to live._ He couldn’t even think of eating anything, let alone all of the food Carole had prepared.

They were all sitting at the dining room table while Carole put the finishing touches on a few things. The chandelier had been turned on, and a cinnamon scented candle had been lit at the center of the table. It was picture perfect.

Except for the fact that his palms were sweating and he couldn’t bear to look Kurt in the eyes. Everything had been going perfectly and now he was going to screw it all up.

_-God, you’re such a fat ass-_

_-what have you been eating? You’re huge-_

_-no one else will love you with the way you look-_

He squinted and tried to bring his mind back. It had been over a week since his last… episode. Since the last time he had gotten so caught up in the webs of the past that he hadn’t been able to focus on the present.

It always scared Kurt when he got like that. He couldn’t ruin the dinner with his freaking unstable emotions.

Thankfully, Carole chooses that moment to enter the room, a large platter of turkey in her arms. The table had already had copious amounts of mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce, various vegetables, and at least two pies, but now it was complete.

She slid into her seat and smiled. “Alright, even though you’re a guest Sebastian, I’m going to make you participate in our Thanksgiving tradition. You have to say one thing you’re thankful for, and why. I’ll start.”

“I’m thankful that I get to spend it with all of my boys, and that we’ve been given another year together. I know it’s cheesy, but time is something we get, not a given. And every year I get more thankful for every second I get of it. Maybe it’s ‘cause I’m getting old, but time seems to be speeding by until it isn’t, and I’m glad it’s still passing me by.”

Burt sat beside her and gripped her hand before stating his. “That not only is everybody here, but you’re all safe and healthy. An old buddy of mine from the shop recently lost his daughter to a car accident and it reminded me that something like that could happen any minute.”

Sebastian realized with horror he had to go last. So four deep proclamations would go before his disappointing one. Great.

Finn rung his hands before settling on rubbing his neck. “I’m just happy that we have food right now.” Kurt chuckled softly and rolled his eyes. But it was with love, not irritation. “When I went to visit a friend in Lima Heights, we passed a bunch of homeless people. And I don’t think they get to have a big Thanksgiving dinner with their families. So yeah. I’m thankful for the food.”

Sebastian could tell he wasn’t the only one surprised by Finn’s statement. Carole and Burt’s eyes were wide and Kurt looks bewildered. Sebastian was as surprised as they looked. Now even Finn was Hallmark card worthy.

Kurt cleared his throat and smiled. “I’m thankful that even though New York’s my home now, I have this one to come back to.”

Everyone turned to Sebastian and he tried to gather that courage he seemed to find under spotlights in front of hundreds of people. He had thought of something to say but wasn’t sure if it was poetic enough for them. But nothing else was coming to him.

No, two things were. And he was going to say both of them. 

“I’m thankful that I got to come here for Thanksgiving. Holidays with my families were never enjoyable and a lot of the time we didn’t even celebrate them. I’m grateful I get to spend it here with you guys.” He bit his lip. While the first thing was hard enough to say, the second one was something he would have to push out word by word.

“I know we only have to say one thing that we’re thankful for, I have two. I’m thankful that you came and helped me, Carole, when I first escaped Danny. And I’m thankful for you, Burt and Finn, for letting me in on a special occasion after everything I did in high school. But Kurt, you’re the one I have to be thankful for the most. I made your life hell, and you still helped me out of mine. So thanks.”

Carole raised her glass of sparkling cider. “We’re thankful for you too, Sebastian. To Thanksgiving, and the gathering of people we love.”

They all clinked glasses and Sebastian couldn’t help hoping that this was his new family.

And by the way Kurt was holding his hand under the table, palm flush against palm, he was pretty sure it was.


	26. Confrontations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! Sorry this is a few days late; some family drama came up and this chapter had some editing that needed to be done before it was worthy of seeing the light of day. Next week is also a bit chaotic (fancy college interviews and such) so there's a slight chance next week will be a one chapter week. Cross your fingers I carve out the time at the airport to update! :)
> 
> All of your kudos and comments mean the world to me. For some of you regular commenters, I look forward to waking up the next morning and reading your comments like Christmas morning. Seriously, you guys are so encouraging and amazing, and I just really wanted to let you know how much I appreciate you taking time out of your busy day to write a comment on my fanfiction. It honestly means the world to me!
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!

Sebastian’s dinner had been off to such a great start and now it was going downhill at such a rapid pace that if you could get tickets for speedily losing your sanity, he’d be a seasoned inmate.

He had taken a bite of everything, hoping some stuff would go down easier than others. Everything went down about the same. Barely. And with every intention of trying to come back up. Luckily, no one seemed to have picked up on it yet. 

Kurt nudged his knee under the table. “I’m so glad we’re not at the apartment right now. Rachel would be trying to get me to make a Thanksgiving dinner that somehow met all her crazy diets. I’m so glad we have an excuse to splurge.” He smiled and took another big bite of mashed potatoes.

Sebastian smiled and hoped it looked real. “Yeah.” _Splurge. Go on, fat ass, splurge._ “I’m so glad we don’t have our personal Nutrisystem with us.”

He managed to eat half of everything on his plate before he knew just one more bite would make him physically sick. He glanced down at his stomach and saw with mortification that he looked like a beer-bellied pig. Oh God. Danny would be disgusted.

_-what the hell Sebastian-_

“Bas?”

He shook his head. “What?”

“You were looking at the tablecloth with a scary intensity. You okay?”

Burt and Carole were engaged in a debate over some sort of old TV show and Finn was too focused on his food to even notice Sebastian. Thank God. “Yeah, fine. Just zoned out.”

He offered a smile and silently tried to shovel down another spoonful of mashed potatoes.

_Fine._ Yeah, the one thing he wasn’t.

 

“I’m proud of you.”

Sebastian’s head lifted and he sent Kurt an inquisitive look. After dinner, they had started the bonfire, but Burt, Carole, and Finn went to bed once it started dying down. Sebastian wanted to appreciate the fresh air and dark shadows for a little longer. He liked the smell of fresh air and was enjoying the serenity.

“For what?” Sebastian’s hands were wrapped around a still full, warm mug of hot chocolate. Otherwise, they would have begun to tremor.

Kurt’s chair was only a foot away from him, and Sebastian could see the dying flames dance across his baby blue irises. “I saw you at dinner.”

The red and orange glow of the fire helped hide his inflamed face. “Kurt… I-”

Kurt shook his head and grabbed Sebastian’s hand. Even though they both had thick gloves on, Sebastian swore he could feel a spreading warmth there that put the drinks heat to shame. “No. Don’t say something about how you failed, or how you couldn’t help it and now you’re sorry. You did exactly what you should have.”

Sebastian didn’t get it. He had been doing so well, and now… “But-”

“You tried. That’s all I want, Bas. We all have good days, and bad days, and being able to realize the difference is all I wanted from you. I know there’s a chance you’ll never be a hundred percent better, and while I don’t want to know it, I do. And Bas, all I want from you, no, all I need from you, is that you promise that you’ll try.”

Sebastian nodded and before he knew it, Kurt was leaning closer and his gloved hand crept from his hand to his face. 

“I shouldn’t do this here,” Kurt whispered. His breath made a small cloud between them and his eyes were focused on it.

Sebastian felt his pulse start to race. “You’re right.”

“But I want to.” Kurt’s eyes darted up to his; their icy blue wasn’t helping Sebastian’s self-control.

Sebastian reached up and pushed a chestnut lock off of the other boy’s forehead and shrugged as a smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. “You’re right about that too. Who could possibly resist me?”

Kurt rolled his eyes and made a noise of irritation. Sebastian set his mug on the ground and smiled. He slid both of his hands against the sides of Kurt’s face. “I’m pretty irresistible. Just as charming as I am handsome.”

Kurt gave up. “Oh just kiss me already, you arrogant-”

But Sebastian never found out what he was. Their lips brushed and suddenly he was warm. Too warm. Like the fire in front of him was burning bright and high; not barely crackling. His hand snaked around the back of Kurt’s neck, deepening the kiss. Despite the armrest digging into his stomach, he refused to break away. It was a good thing he didn’t have problems with addiction; because Kurt’s lips were a substance that he wanted to be the slave of. A beautiful drug.

Kurt grabbed Sebastian’s jacket and pulled him closer before breaking away. “If my parents find us…”

Sebastian smiled. “We’ll give them a show.”

Common sense told them to stop before they were found, to stop while they could. But common sense had never had a good relationship with Sebastian before, and he wasn’t about to start pursuing it now.

Sebastian pulled his gloves off and slid out of his chair, the cold grass freezing his legs through his pants. Kurt followed his example and placed his unusually warm hands against Sebastian’s face so his fingertips were in his hair. 

Kurt grinned a playful grin and leaned in as close as he could without their lips actually touching. “You’re cold Seb. Why don’t you let me warm you up?”

He did.

 

“It’s too early for this…”

Kurt smiled and pulled the blanket back. “We leave tomorrow. And there’s no way I’m waiting until tonight. C’mon, Bas…”

He groaned and sat up. His eyes were at half-mast and his hair was sticking up on one side. “Only because you asked so nicely.”

Kurt smirked and tossed a pair of jeans and a hoodie at him. “Just put these on and get your scrawny ass downstairs before the coffee gets cold. Carole’s already ready, so we’re just waiting for you.”

Sebastian rubbed his eyes and offered a mocking grin. “Yay. Can’t wait.”

“Black Friday shopping is amazing, and you know it. Besides, do you want new clothes or not?”

“I have the feeling if I say no, you really aren’t going to care.”

“Your feeling it right.”

Sebastian stumbled to his feet and pulled on his jeans, his sleep laden fingers struggling with the button. Luckily, Kurt was texting someone so he didn’t notice his pitiful struggle. He looked at the t-shirt he had slept in and deemed it worthy to be worn under his hoodie. It was clean and he had only worn it for part of the day before. 

“Ready.”

“Not with that deathly morning breath.”

Sebastian shrugged and Kurt pointed toward the bathroom. 

The house was dark, since even the sun wasn’t up yet, so it took Sebastian a second to find his way into the dark bathroom. He didn’t bother turning the light on once he found it, since he didn’t want to be blinded. 

Once he had brushed, and found a piece of gum, he went back to his room for Kurt, who wasn’t there. _Figures._

He grabbed his phone from the nightstand and checked it. No new messages. 

He was way more tired than usual for some reason. Probably the stress of the night before and then how late they stayed up by the bonfire.

He smiled. The bonfire. 

“Morning,” Carole whispered once he finally slouched his way into the kitchen. She handed him a huge mug of coffee with the sugar and cream already in it.

“Thanks,” he whispered. 

“How late did you boys stay up last night?”

Kurt tried to shrug nonchalantly, but it still looked forced. “No idea.”

Sebastian wanted to facepalm. _And Princess, the super spy does it again. Give us away, why don’t you?_

Carole just nodded.

Kurt flicked his phone on to check the time before shoving it into his pocket and sliding his arms into his jacket. “If we want to beat the traffic, we should probably leave now.”

Carole was already ready, so she volunteered to warm up the car.

As soon as she was out of earshot, and he had checked to make sure Burt or Finn’s heavy footfall couldn’t be heard, Sebastian face palmed. “Nice going Sherlock. Could you have been any more obvious?”

Kurt blushed as he crossed his arms and glared back. “I didn’t give us away.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “You might as well have.”

“What do you have to worry about anyway? They’re my parents.”

Sebastian shrugged. “I don’t want them to think that big and bad Sebastian Smythe is taking advantage of their precious little Kurt’s innocence and generosity.”

Kurt’s eyes lingered on his coffee, as if the swirls of his latte held the answers. “You know that’s not it. I’m just not ready to tell them, because I don’t want them to think I’m taking advantage of you.”

Kurt rolled his eyes, smirked and handed Seb his jacket. “Now let’s stop being stupid and go buy you some clothes so people don’t mistake you for the homeless guy living in the alley next to our building.”

 

The car ride to the mall was completely uneventful. Sebastian had fallen asleep against the cold window, but jerked awake in the parking lot when some ass honked at them for no apparent reason.

_Thanks for the wake-up call, asshat._

“Alright, so are we splitting up, or are we going into this all together?” Carole asked as her eyes scanned the parking lot for a free spot. Sebastian hadn’t realized Lima could be so crowded.

Kurt didn’t look up from his phone. “We can stick together for most of it. There are a couple of stores you probably don’t want to follow us to. I have to get Sebastian some clothes, and he is a complete pain to shop with.”

Sebastian sent him a sleepy death glare from the back seat. “You’re no delight yourself, Princess.”

Kurt smirked. “I’m just selective.”

Before their conversation could go any further, Carole had found them a spot and made sure they all checked that their phones were on.

“Alright, boys. Let’s do this.”

 

By noon, they had already hit most of the stores they wanted to go to. Not to mention Kurt had almost gotten beat up by an old lady over an original cast recording of some musical. Sebastian tried to take her threats seriously, but the way she waggled her finger and babbled about her bad hip was so cliché that he had to press his lips together to stay quiet.

Sebastian had forgotten how funny the chaos of Black Friday could be. He had participated in the madness once before; senior year at Dalton. But back then he had been one of the harbingers of chaos, and he had been in Columbus with all of the Warblers. It wasn’t as fun.

“Are we going to get something in the food court, or are we just waiting until we get home?”

Kurt shrugged. “No clue.”

Sebastian shoved his hands into his pockets. “So when are we…” Kurt’s phone began ringing.

“That’s weird; the number’s unknown.” Kurt furrowed his brows. “Who would be calling me?”

“Maybe it’s someone from NYADA,” Sebastian suggested. 

Kurt shook his head. “It’s an Ohio area code. Maybe Carole’s phone died and she’s borrowing one…”

Sebastian nodded as Kurt slid his thumb across his screen and accepted the call.

“Hello?”

_“Is this Mr. Hummel?”_

Kurt bit his lip. Something about this guy was off. He almost sounded drunk. “I’m sorry; who is this?”

The man laughed. _“Someone you should be scared of.”_

Kurt felt the blood drain from his face. Sebastian picked up on his alarm and mouthed _“who is it?”_

Kurt shook his head. “Who is this?”

_“I like your scarf, Kurt. The blue really brings out your eyes.”_

Kurt’s grip on the phone tightened to keep his fingers from trembling. Whoever was on the line… _they were watching him right now._ He fingered his scarf before grabbing Sebastian’s bicep and slowly leading him toward the men’s bathroom. “What do you want?”

_“Just for you to hear the truth.”_

Sebastian was motioning for him to hang up, but he couldn’t. Not until he got something on this freak’s identity. “I don’t want to hear your truth.”

_“Of course you do. You’re an actor; your life’s vocation is truth.”_

Kurt’s mind couldn’t see the angle this freak was going for. The bathroom they had gone into was a family one, with a single toilet and sink. Sebastian locked it and Kurt pressed the speaker button. “What’s the point of this?”

_“Patience.”_ Sebastian’s mood visibly dropped. He sank against the wall and mouthed for Kurt to hang up. So Kurt took it off speaker, but right before his fingers hit the ‘end call’ button, the man began to speak again. _“So do you know what the truth of the hour is? You’re making a huge mistake. You don’t know the things he has done. The things he begged to have done to him. The shame he brings on this family.”_

Kurt looked at Bas to make sure he hadn’t heard that. He hadn’t. His knees were pressed against his eyes and his shoulders were shaking. Kurt knew he should hang up and figure out who the hell this guy was; Sebastian obviously knew. But the masochist side of him wanted this guy to say something stupid so he could scream obscenities and insults back at him.

_“My whore brother-”_

_“Shut up!”_ It worked. Kurt was pissed. “I don’t know who the hell you think you are, but _no one_ calls him that! If you call me or him again, I swear to God...” Kurt couldn't even _think_ of an adequate threat, and to his sick satisfaction, Sebastian’s brother didn’t respond. 

He hung up. 

Bas lifted his head from his knees and shook his head. “Why…”

Kurt sat in front of him, resisting the urge to gather Seb in his arms and hold him close. “Because he’s an asshole. If you want, we can report this as harassment, and get a restraining order. He doesn’t have the right to do this to you.”

Sebastian met his eyes, but something behind them was different. Kurt had seen Sebastian pissed, depressed, and even happy. This was none of those things. There was a determination, a hint of the stubborn boy he had been before his father and Danny had tried to beat it out of him.

“No.”

Kurt sighed. “Bas, you can’t let him keep doing-”

He shook his head and clasped his shaky hands on top of his knees. “I’m not.”

Kurt’s chest clenched. _Was he really going to…?_

Even though he was shaking, and they were sitting on freezing tile floor of the family bathroom at the mall, Kurt had never seen Sebastian look so… 

What was it? Determined? Strong? 

Crazy?

“I’m going to talk to him Kurt. I’m going to tell him to stay the hell away from us.” Seb’s eyes started watering. “They took something from me; they made me waste years scared, and miserable, and feeling like I was worthless. Like I was some mistake. They convinced me that Danny was the best I could do for myself.”

Kurt wanted to tell him it wasn’t true, but he also didn’t want to interrupt him.

“I’m done, Kurt. I’m fucking done. I’m not going to threaten him, and as much as I want to, I’m not going to punch him either.” Sebastian’s eyes had been on the grout between the tiles until now; when he finally looked up and locked his glassy eyes on Kurt’s. “I’m going to end this. And take my life back. Our lives back.”

Kurt slid his fingers through Sebastian’s hair before kissing him. It wasn’t a romantic place to do it, and this certainly wasn’t when he’d been planning to do it, but it slipped out. And he knew right then, looking into Sebastian’s forest colored eyes with his hands framing his face that he meant it. 

“I love you, you smirky little meerkat.”

Sebastian wiped his eyes and smiled before kissing him back. “I love you too, princess.”


	27. Father Knows Best

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! As expected, this week will be a singular chapter week. I'm heading to Michigan state at 4 am (too early) and will be over there for the weekend. I have no idea what the internet situation will be in the hotel, so just a heads up for those awesome people who leave comments: I will get back to you! Just maybe not as quickly as usual due to unknown internet conditions. :)
> 
> Thank you to all the readers, commenters, and bringers of the kudos. You guys make my world. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Kurt wasn’t aware he was biting his lip until Sebastian softly kicked his foot and raised an eyebrow. “You aren’t allowed to be nervous. That’s my job.”

He dragged his hands over his face and nodded. “I know. Sorry; you know I can’t help it. I love and hate this idea.”

Sebastian tucked his hands under his arms and stared at his feet. “I know. But I need this, Kurt. I need to prove to them that they can’t keep doing this. That I’ve changed, and I’m not their little pawn anymore.”

He picked at a loose thread on their couch. They’d been sitting on the couch for hours, the anticipation of meeting Calvin that night preventing them from doing anything else. Sebastian had texted him and set up for them to meet at the Lima Bean to talk. Kurt hoped that that asshole had no clue what was coming so it hurt that much more when Sebastian finally stood up for himself.

Kurt glanced at his phone. “We should probably head to the Lima Bean. Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

Sebastian nodded and shakily pulled himself to his feet. His hands were clasped in his hoodie pocket to keep them still. “I’m ready. Just…”

Kurt had been halfway to the coat rack and turned to look at him. “What?”

“Promise me, that... that you won’t believe a word he says about me. He makes up these stories to get a rise out of me, and usually, they work. I don’t want-”

Kurt grabbed his arms and got him to look into his eyes. “Sebastian, you know I won’t believe any of his lies. I’d take your word over that bastard’s any old day. But I need you to promise me something.”

His eyebrows knotted in confusion but he nodded anyway.

“If this is too much, and you feel like you’re going to have another panic attack or that you just really can’t be there anymore, that you won’t be a hero and we’ll leave.” Sebastian tried to retort, but Kurt wasn’t going to let him get away with that. “Sebastian, the stuff this man and his father did to you is shit out of a horror movie. No one is going to think you’re weak for being unable to see them or for realizing that you need to be away from them. I don’t want you to this Bas, but I trust you. If this is something you need to do, I want you to do it. But I don’t want you to hurt yourself in the process. If it’s too much, we leave. Promise?”

Sebastian rolled his eyes and nodded. Kurt both wanted to smack him and kiss him.

“Alright. Let’s go then.” Kurt grabbed the keys, glad that his parents and Finn had given them the afternoon to themselves by visiting family friends for a few hours. His family truly was amazing.

The car ride there was silent and uneventful. Kurt drove and tried to calm Sebastian at the same time. Sebastian’s hand was shivering mercilessly in Kurt’s, but he refused to let go of it. This thing Sebastian was doing was amazing, and he was going to make sure he knew how brave he was. And that he remembered that Kurt was going to be there for the whole thing.

“You know how brave you are, right?” Kurt stated as they pulled into the parking lot for the Lima Bean. 

Sebastian shook his head and took a deep breath. “I’m not brave at all. I just don’t want them in my life anymore.”

Kurt grabbed his face and kissed him light and quick. “Stop trying to dodge my compliments and just accept them, Bas.”

With one last reassuring squeeze, they climbed out of the car and into the freezing Ohio air.

Sebastian’s eyes searched anxiously through the windows for the familiar meticulously styled head of his brother and relaxed slightly once he realized that he hadn’t arrived yet.

“Come on, let’s get something to drink and find somewhere to sit.”

Sebastian’s hands were stuffed in his pockets, but it didn’t help to hide his anxiety. His whole body shook, and the barista was sending him worried looks while they waited in line.

Kurt pulled one of Seb’s hands out of his jeans and clasped it with his own. “Just think of something else. Think about how amazing it’s going to be when we get back to the city and have to start stressing about NYADA again.”

He shook his head and rolled his eyes. “Yeah. And we get to go back to having Rachel clanging around in the bathroom at ungodly hours for absolutely no reason.”

“Plus we have to pick songs for our performances.”

Seb bit his lip and shrugged. “I still have nothing. What about you?”

“Probably something Sondheim, but not one of the big numbers you know. Something a little more obscure.”

He smiled. “Something nice and chatty, just like you?”

Kurt elbowed him. “Don’t be a jerk. What about you?”

“Like I said. No clue.”

“Mood? Era? Genre?”

Luckily the barista saved Sebastian from his response. They ordered their coffee (Kurt had to repeat his twice before they got it right) and drifted towards the windows. 

“What about something classic?”

It took Bas a few seconds to figure out what Kurt meant. “Like everyone already knows it type thing? That doesn’t seem to go over very well with the professors.”

“Maybe you could take it and make it completely your own.”

He shrugged and scanned the parking lot frantically. His shoulders were starting to tremble again, but Kurt’s hands grasped them and tried to rub some of the tension out of them. 

Gradually, his heart rate slowed and he relaxed enough to think straight and grab a table while Kurt got their drinks. Kurt sat next to him so that Calvin had to sit across from them. 

It was another ten minutes and three attempts a drinking his coffee before that cursed, and haughty haired ass walked into the shop.

Kurt grabbed his other hand and held it so tight that Sebastian’s fingers ground against each other painfully. Heat rose to Kurt’s cheeks, but it wasn’t embarrassment. It was a fiery rage that Sebastian had only seen in Danny’s eyes before things got bad. 

Even now, when his shoulders and back were so tight and stiff it hurt, Sebastian couldn’t imagine Kurt as Danny. Partially because when he glanced at Sebastian, his eyes softened, and Kurt scooted his chair forward in an attempt to get in front of Sebastian protectively. Danny would have never done anything like that. 

He hadn’t even realized that he had stopped breathing until he gasped a shaky breath to soothe his burning lungs and Kurt’s hand was between his shoulders. “Bas. We can leave right now. Or I can say it.”

Seb shook his head and swallowed. His throat was dry, and he could feel his pallor turning the color of polished marble. “No. I h-have to.”

Sebastian closed his eyes, mentally recited everything he planned on saying to his brother, and finally, looked up at him.

Calvin was in line, staring at his phone, and sneering at whatever texts he was receiving and sending. He hadn’t seen Kurt and Sebastian, since their table was in the back, and tucked behind a half wall, but they had a perfect view of him. 

He hadn’t changed at all. His clothes were still expensive and his face seemed to rest in a permanent smirk. Even though he wished it wasn’t true, they had always looked alike and he could tell why Kurt had given him the nicknames he had.

“He looks the same,” Sebastian mumbled. 

Kurt took a hefty sip of his coffee. “Like a classy-ass douche bag.”

Sebastian smiled and stole one last glance at his brother. All he could hope for was that once he said what he had to say, that Calvin was so taken aback that they could get the hell out of here before Calvin started to share some of his “stories.” 

Even now, he still couldn’t believe he was doing this.

_“Bas, I’m not sure this is a good idea. Why don’t we just call him?”_

_Sebastian knew why Kurt wasn’t a fan of this idea; neither was he. The idea of seeing his brother would have been enough to empty his stomach if there had been anything in there in the first place. “It won’t be the same. Calvin isn’t afraid of me. I’ll need to show him, in person, that I’m not afraid of him, and that there’s nothing he can do to me anymore.”_

_Kurt hugged his cardigan around his chest tighter. “I’m not going to tell you that you’re wrong. But Bas; what about you? Do you really want to have to see him in person?”_

_“No.” His speech came out breathier than he wanted. “Of course I don’t. Kurt, it’s the last thing I want. But I can’t let him win. I can’t let him and my damn father determine how I live my life. I can’t let them steal anything else.”_

_“They can’t-”_

_Sebastian wanted to punch something. He was mad at himself for getting overly emotional, mad at his brother and father for making him like this and ruining his life without even being in it, and now he was feeling annoyed with Kurt, and he never wanted to feel that way. But he just wanted for Kurt to give him his phone so he could get Calvin’s number out of the caller ID log._

_“Yes. They can. They’ll find a way. Kurt, please, just give me his number.”_

_Kurt thought about refusing. He knew Sebastian would be mad, but it would also spare them both the consequences of Sebastian’s half-baked plan to see his brother. But he wouldn’t control him, no matter how badly he wanted to. He would never be like Danny. “Fine. Here”_

_Sebastian’s hand shook as he took the phone, but his eyes were steady and determined._

Calvin spotted them. Sebastian wouldn’t look up from his coffee cup, even though he could feel his brother’s eyes boring into him. Kurt just maintained steely eye contact and tried to keep his hands from balling into fists. Kurt could see the hatred in Calvin’s eyes, and he hoped Calvin saw the same in his eyes. He would never forgive him for what he did to Bas.

Calvin was waiting for coffee, so Sebastian had a minute or so to reestablish control over himself. Looking at him wouldn’t change anything, but he couldn’t bring himself to. Even though he knew he would have to, and soon, he felt as if his eyes were glued to the swirling granules of coffee. 

Kurt’s fingers tightened around his, and Seb let out a long, shaky breath and looked up into Kurt’s eyes. Neither of them said anything, but each could agree this wasn’t as easy as they had hoped it would be.

“Isn’t that fucking romantic?” Calvin called from a few feet away. “Gazing into each other’s eyes longingly at a coffee shop. It’s too sweet.”

Kurt just eyed him steadily, watched as he eased into the chair across from them like a cat; completely relaxed and in control.

Sebastian’s hands were shaking so bad that when he shoved them under his legs in an attempt to muffle them, they just made the chair shake.

“So. What do you have to say to me?” Calvin asked. His voice was soft but held a commanding quality that made him sound in control. “And don’t answer for him doll face, he can do that himself. Can’t you, Cindy?”

_“-I can’t believe you dropped a whole plate of food! Get ready to scrub until your hands bleed Cinderella, because you can’t stop being a clumsy dumbass-”_

_“-Listen here Cinderella, your fucking prince isn’t coming because my son isn’t a fag-”_

_“-you truly are the stupidest person I’ve ever met, Cindy, get ready to be my little maid-”_

Sebastian’s head was swirling dangerously, and his stomach wanted to push everything out. His eyes couldn’t focus, and he felt his chest burning.

“Hey! Seb! Hey, look at me!”

Kurt’s hands lifted his face so he could see a vague outline of him. “Alright, that’s it. You can’t-”

“No,” he whispered, his voice raspy. “I-I can.”

He repeated a mental mantra to remind himself his brother and father couldn’t hurt him anymore. He held Kurt’s hand tighter and looked at his brother head on, eyes locked.

They had always had the same eyes, same hair, same jaw. They had looked much more alike when they were younger than they did now; Sebastian was an inch shorter and much thinner, while Calvin’s shoulders were broad and beefy. 

“Anything you want to say?” Calvin prodded, his eyes providing a challenge.

Sebastian swallowed, and albeit jerkily, he nodded. “Leave me the hell alone.”

Calvin rolled his eyes. “What is this? A chick flick?”

“I mean it,” Sebastian whispered, scarily calm. His hands had stopped shaking. “Dad was a dick, and so were you, and I can’t worry about you guys anymore. I’ve stopped taking Dad’s money and I never contact you two. So give me the same service. Don’t ever contact me. For anything.”

Calvin laughed. It was obnoxiously loud and sent every head in the shop swiveling their way. “We’re brothers. Well sister and brother with your-”

“No!” Sebastian yelled, his patience and calm shattering. “We’re not! A brother wouldn’t have done the things you did. You watched, Calvin!” Tears were building up, and everyone in the café was looking at Sebastian but he couldn’t stop it. “You knew what he was doing to me! You saw and heard everything, and _not once_ did you ever try to stop him!”

Kurt felt his own eyes getting glassy and held onto the other boy’s hand like a lifeline as all the ideas of what Sebastian meant flew through his head. 

Calvin’s shoulders tensed as his eye squinted. “You were asking for it.”

“No one asks for the things he did,” Sebastian murmured as he swatted at his eyes. “We were supposed to be against him together. You and me. But you woke up one day and decided to let all that go to hell.” Sebastian wasn’t sad or defeated anymore; the denial on Calvin’s end sparked a rage in his gut he wasn’t aware he had the power to possess. 

“You really are a dumb little bitch, aren’t you?” Calvin’s grip on his coffee cup loosened, and he ran a hand through his hair. “All of it was your fault. Dad became a monster because of you. He screwed up our lives because of you. Everything he did to you… you deserved it.” He stood up and threw his coffee cup a few feet into a trash can. “Every. Single. Thing.”

Sebastian’s fury was depleted. All he could do was meet his eyes and wonder how his brother could feel this way. _How could he hate him so much for something he couldn’t help? He hadn’t asked for it. All he wanted was to be left alone._

Kurt was so angry he could feel his blood getting hotter as it rushed in and out of his heart. Red spread along the edges of his vision, and all he could think was how badly he wanted to hit Calvin. Throw something heavy at his head and hear a satisfying _thud._ “Don’t ever call us or text us again.”

Calvin sat back down and laced his fingers together. “Or what, princess? You’ll bedazzle me?”

Hearing Sebastian’s pet name for him, something that may have started as spite but became endearment, come out of Calvin’s mouth with such malice was the breaking point for Kurt. He got out of his chair, Calvin following suit, and got close enough to smell his cologne. 

“I swear to whatever is out there, if you don’t leave him alone, I’ll sue. I’ll get your polished ass thrown in jail for harassment and threats.”

Calvin just smirked back and stepped closer, so only a centimeter separated their noses. “Try it. See where it gets you. My lawyer’s hourly rate is higher than your mortgage.”

“Please Calvin,” Sebastian begged, still sitting at the table, his hands shaking horribly along the tabletop. “Just- Just let me go. All I want is for you to tell Dad to leave me alone.”

“Tell him yourself, eBay.”

Sebastian’s neck and cheeks went crimson. “You know I can’t-”

“Can’t what? Can’t grow a fucking pair and talk to your own father?”

Kurt could feel his self-control fading. He was going to punch him. “Shut the hell up! You don’t have the right-”

Calvin rolled his eyes and jabbed a finger in Sebastian’s direction. “You are the most ignorant-”

 _“Stop!”_ Sebastian had had it. He stood up so quickly his chair was flung backward. “I can’t handle this anymore! I said all I needed to, Calvin. Just leave me and Kurt alone. I won’t ask for any more money for school, or rent. I just need to be left alone. By you and Dad. Okay?”

Calvin started laughing. “How are you going to make it without any money in New York, Sebastian? Did you think about that?”

Kurt watched his confidence falter slightly before it stubbornly locked back into place. “I’ll figure it out.”

“Are you going to sell yourself for rent? _‘Ten dollars for a blow and twenty for a screw!’”_ Calvin sang. His voice carried across the coffee shop, and if Sebastian sending his chair flying hadn’t gotten the attention of the other customers, Calvin’s song sure had.

Sebastian paled again, and this time, Kurt could see the gears turning in Calvin’s head as he went for the kill.

“Can’t even deny it, huh? Who am I kidding though; you probably wouldn’t even charge. After you let all those boys fuck you senseless in high school, sex is nothing for you.” Calvin’s eyes seemed to darken. “You even tried to get dad to do you. Begging, crying…”

Kurt’s vision tunneled and he felt his stomach sink to the floor as it morphed to lead.

Sebastian felt as if his heart had been pulled out between his ribs, causing blood to spurt everywhere while the pink cartilage and white bone lay exposed and freezing. His vision went splotchy, and he could feel his knees giving out. Kurt caught him around the waist before he could sink to the dirty hardwood floor, his arm shaky but firm.

_-“no! I swear, I swear, I’ll never do anything again”-_

_-“what are you doing? Dad, stop”-_

_-“I don’t want you to- please, don’t. Don’t!”-_

“Really, Sebastian? Playing the victim card again? Your little ‘special friend’ Kurt deserves to know the truth.” Kurt wanted to strangle him; anything to stop him from talking. But he was paralyzed. His arm locked around Sebastian’s waist, Sebastian’s hands holding onto his shirt in a sad attempt to stop the tremors ripping through his whole body. “Sebastian was such a whore, that he wanted Dad to fuck him. He asked, begged, teased… Made my father touch him, and show him how sinful he was. But Dad wouldn’t fuck him. He didn’t want him. No one does.”

Sebastian made a strangled noise in the back of his throat. Tears streamed down his face, and he locked his jaw to try and stifle the building nausea. He couldn’t throw up here, especially with Kurt held to his side. But his stomach was clenching over and over, painfully. He needed to get out of here. Needed to pretend that everything was fine, that Calvin had never said any of that, and that no matter what, Kurt would never know what his father had done.

Sebastian jumped at a _pop_ followed by ceramic mugs shattering and wood crashing into wood. 

Kurt had backhanded Calvin so hard he’d crashed into their table and knocked it over, taking everything on its surface to the ground with him.

His blue eyes shined with unshed tears, but behind them glowed the eyes of a man who was absolutely _furious._ “Don’t you _ever_ call my boyfriend a whore again. If I ever see you again, I swear, you’ll regret it.”

Sebastian let the adrenaline and shock help him make his way out of the shop and to the car. 

Kurt helped him into the passenger’s seat, kissed his forehead and held him tight, before whispering about paying for any damage he might have caused and giving him the keys so he could warm himself up and lock the doors.

Sebastian looked at his hands and cursed. He couldn’t stop shaking; he felt as if he might start seizing. 

It was only a minute or two before Kurt joined him and they sat in silence. Kurt took his hand and held it like a lifeline, but neither of them looked at the other.

Sebastian didn’t know what to say. How did he explain how he had not only been helpless against Danny, but against his father?

“Kurt-“

Kurt turned to him and silenced him by hugging him so hard he worried he would bruise. He felt Kurt shake and warm tears brush his neck. Kurt was crying. “I am so sorry. I had no idea, but this doesn’t change anything. It just makes me-” his voice cracked, “it just helps me see that you’re even stronger than I thought you were. But just promise me, Bas, promise me, that you understand he was to blame. You could have been wearing a slutty schoolgirl costume, and he had no right to do anything to you. You know that, right?”

Sebastian wasn’t sure. He knew what his father had done was wrong, illegal even, but he couldn’t help feeling it was a punishment for who he had been. Who he hoped and prayed he wasn’t anymore.

Sebastian nodded into Kurt’s shoulder and ignoring the gear shift digging into his abdomen, held on tighter.


	28. No Matter What

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Midterms have officially passed and I am so sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. The next one will be up sometime next week.
> 
> Alright, folks, we are rapidly approaching the end of this story, and if my plot board is correct, the next chapter will be a monstrous finale. But, it will be a finale. Is there a sequel in this story's future? Maybe. I can't promise that I will control myself and stay away from these boys. But I can say that, at the moment, there is no written (or unwritten) plot for a sequel. 
> 
> I have loved and cherished sharing this story with you and reading every single one of your comments. All of your love and kudos mean the world to me. Every single one of you is so special and I want to thank you so much for being there with me through this story.

When Kurt finally felt calm enough to drive, it had been an hour since they’d seen Calvin. They both agreed that neither had the stomach to go back to his house and pretend everything was okay. So they drove to Cincinnati.

It was two hours away, but they needed the distance from everything they knew, and the distraction of the drive. 

“Do want something to eat?”

Sebastian shook his head. “I know I’ll just throw it back up.”

Kurt wouldn’t imagine forcing food on him now. Not after the nauseating admission they’d just received from Calvin.

They drove in silence the whole way into the city. Kurt picked a hotel in a good part of the city, parked at the front, and left Sebastian in the car while he checked if they had a room.  
Sebastian let out a shaky breath as he watched Kurt disappear inside the glass doors. He felt the crushing weight of knowing that _Kurt knew_ threatening to break his ribs. He rubbed at his sternum and tried to take a deep breath.

It didn’t seem to help. His chest continued to burn and ache.

_Kurt knows. Kurt knows. Kurt knows._

It was a horrifying mantra that played mercilessly in his mind on repeat. 

Kurt was only gone for a few minutes. When he got back, Sebastian’s whole body was shivering, making his abdomen was sore.

“Seb,” Kurt whispered as he opened the door and slid into the driver’s seat. He took in Sebastian’s pale pallor. “Hey, hey, I’m right here. I got us a room with two doubles and a big window. We can spend the whole time before we go back to New York here.”

Sebastian nodded and tried to calm himself down. Kurt ran a hand over one side of his face and felt his speeding pulse. “You’re having a panic attack.”

Sebastian shook his head fervently and got his breathing to a healthier inconsistent wheeze-sharp exhale rhythm. “I-I’m fine.” Well, his vision had stopped blurring, so he wasn’t completely lying.

Kurt rolled his eyes, and after grabbing a few jackets and sweatshirts from the trunk, (Carole always kept them back there just in case,) took Sebastian’s hand with his free one. “Let’s buy a pint of ice cream and some Pay-Per-View.”

“I can agree with that.”

 

Sebastian was in the shower for over an hour. It wasn’t abnormal for him, but long showers usually meant an unhealthy amount of time in his own head. 

Kurt knew that wasn’t good for him, but after everything that happened, he couldn’t take away any of the few places that Sebastian felt safe. Whether his therapist thought it was healthy or not, Kurt refused. 

When Seb finally emerged from the steamy room, his hair wet and his skin flushed, Kurt released a small breath he’d been subconsciously holding. He was here, he was fine. They would be fine. 

“Come here, meerkat,” Kurt stated. Sebastian practically dove into his arms, his overly warm torso curling and molding against Kurt’s side until there wasn’t any air between them. When Sebastian got like this, to hell with personal space. 

The rest of their night dissolved into a Pay-Per-View bliss, accompanied by large amounts of body warmth and even more immense helpings of ice cream. Well, for Kurt at least. Sebastian ate at least one scoop, but considering the shivers that would randomly claim his body, go dormant, and return with a vengeance, it was a miracle he ate anything at all.

Sebastian fell asleep first, his arm carelessly tossed over Kurt’s stomach and his face nestled in the crevice where Kurt’s neck met his shoulder. It seemed to be one of the spots of Kurt Sebastian liked best. 

Kurt took it as a chance to text his father and stepmother, letting them in on what happened, and conveniently leaving out the fact that they were all the way in Cincinnati. His father wanted to call him, but Kurt refused to answer. He didn’t want to wake up Sebastian.

He surfed his email after that, trying to occupy his very awake mind in a way that wouldn’t wake his very asleep boyfriend. 

Boyfriend.

Sebastian was his boyfriend; no taunting space between those words. 

He grinned like an idiot. 

Damn, that had a nice ring to it. 

Kurt came across an email for NYADA students, reminding them that their final performances were coming up. Kurt had under a month to pick a song, perfect it, and perform it in front of the whole student body.

He fell asleep with a playlist of the best lesser known yet emotional Broadway numbers.

 

When Kurt woke up in the morning, he knew what song he was going to do.

He already knew the song, surprisingly, (Sondheim works were all ingrained his brain) and if he hadn’t been so psyched to have found it again, he might have chastised himself for not thinking of it earlier. But he was just too fucking excited to be anything other than happy.

Sebastian had rolled off of him at some point during the night, so Kurt crept out of their warm cocoon and into the scalding shower. He kept catching himself singing it joyfully and tried to keep to humming. 

He had a song. _He had a song._

His bubble blistered momentarily when Sebastian knocked on the bathroom door.

“What’s all the gleeful singing about? You sound like one of those Disney princesses when she finds a creepy man to force into marrying her.”

Kurt poked his head out of the side of the shower, smiling despite Seb’s attempts at early morning negativity. “Bas. I found a song.”

That seemed to pierce his bleary-eyed, sleep fog. “Wait. Like, for the NYADA performance?”

Kurt nodded, his grin splitting his face. “I listened to some playlist last night and found it. I already know it, and oh my god, Seb, it’s absolutely perfect.”

Sebastian smiled, rubbing his eye with one hand while trying to tame his bedhead with the other. “What is it?’

Kurt told him, and since Sebastian didn’t know it, Kurt sang it for him right then and there. Showers always did magical things for your voice anyway.

Bas sat on the toilet lid and shook his head in amazement. “You’re right; it’s perfect for you. Perfect mood, lyrics, swell, and even key. You’re going to kill it.”

The shower went off and Kurt grabbed a towel to wrap around his waist. He yanked the curtain back and felt energy surging from his chest to the rest of his body in electric currents. “Kiss me, you stup-”

Sebastian cut him off to comply, his fingers burrowing into Kurt’s damp hair. The moment Kurt’s slick chest met Seb’s sleep warmed one, he knew he would be struggling to restrain. After all; there was only a towel and a pair of briefs between them and all the fantasies Kurt had worked hard to repress. 

Bas pulled back, his neck and cheeks a deep, rosy scarlet. “Kurt, I-”

Kurt felt his stomach drop. “Bas, oh my god, I’m sorry-”

Sebastian offered a half effort smirk. “No, I liked it. But I’m not ready for… for…”

Kurt rubbed his trembling shoulders and took his face between his palms, his thumbs lazily brushing circles over Sebastian’s flushed cheekbones. “Bas. We will never do anything you don’t feel comfortable with. Never. And I swear to God, I will kill you if you don’t tell me when something’s wrong.”

Sebastian bit his lip and closed his eyes. “I’m so embarrassed, Kurt. I’m a gay guy in college, and I can’t even think about sex without starting to panic.”

“It’s okay. Sebastian, sex isn’t all there is.”

“But Kurt-”

“Stop,” Kurt said. “You’re working yourself up. I swear; we’ll wait until you’re ready.” Sebastian opened his mouth to respond but Kurt kissed his forehead to silence him. “And if you’re never ready, well then, I guess I’ll have to settle for your magical mouth and winning personality.”

Despite the shining in eyes, Sebastian smiled at that and Kurt wrapped his arms around his shoulders. “I love you.”

Kurt tightened his arms and felt his own eyes start to water. “I love you, too. No matter what.”

**Author's Note:**

> So? Let me know what you thought! Updates should be weekly. Thanks for reading!


End file.
